mortgage deeds feeling safe

daska

sorry, I got distracted while writing my earlier post and missed your clarification - I misunderstood your wording and thought your partner was refusing to put you on the mortgage/deeds.

If you are a joint owner, i.e. on the deeds, he CAN'T kick you out without going to court or physically forcing you, in which case you can go to the police and take legal steps to stop him behaving that way. If you're on the mortgage then you are jointly and severally liable for the outstanding debt but if he defaults then you can go to court to get an order to force the sale so that you can repay 'your' (joint) debt.

alwaysonthego_2

Your posts really worry me as are you sure he is not moving you away from your family. Perhaps your family are more worried you are moving away from them with a man who is violent towards you. Are you happy?

Gigervamp

animallover123 wrote: »

as i said been together 8 years my confidence isnt that great and i dont want to be alone, but there are times he is down right nasty to be calling me ugly spitting in my face and even put me in hospital at times, so i want to know if i give up my rented accomadtion and being near my family if he kicked me out cause we had a row i would have a claim of half the house to go and get somewhere as my mum wont have me with her and i have a lot of animals so not that easy finding a rented place that takes cats and dogs and once i get better i am planning on getting a job again and paying towards the mortage and when if low and behold any of my grandparents die i have money coming to me then that i could add to pay off the mortage

You do realise that you're in an abusive relationship, don't you? Are you only staying with him because you need a home for your animals and don't want to be alone?

krlyr

LisaLou1982 wrote: »

The fact that you used to earn more than him is now irrelevant as you now arent earning. Likewise, the fact that you keep the house tidy is no reason for you to be entitled to half of his money.

Not sure if you meant legally relevant or morally relevant, your little dig at the end made me think the latter. I think it is relevant, morally - for example, had she been paying the majority of the rent, bills, etc. for the past 8 years (or any reasonable chunk of those 8 years) and it's only now that she's not earning, I think that entitles her to receiving some of the benefit of her OH's wages now. If they were married, she would legally be entitled to half of his money even if she "just" kept the house tidy. I think there is more to a longterm relationship than who is paying the rent/mortgage right this second.


OP, I do have to agree with others - your relationship does sound quite rocky, especially if there is mental and physical abuse present, I would definately stop to think why your family are so desperate to prevent you making this financial tie to him.

SavingPennies_2

krlyr wrote: »

Not sure if you meant legally relevant or morally relevant, your little dig at the end made me think the latter. I think it is relevant, morally - for example, had she been paying the majority of the rent, bills, etc. for the past 8 years (or any reasonable chunk of those 8 years) and it's only now that she's not earning, I think that entitles her to receiving some of the benefit of her OH's wages now. If they were married, she would legally be entitled to half of his money even if she "just" kept the house tidy. I think there is more to a longterm relationship than who is paying the rent/mortgage right this second.


OP, I do have to agree with others - your relationship does sound quite rocky, especially if there is mental and physical abuse present, I would definately stop to think why your family are so desperate to prevent you making this financial tie to him.

Don't think that is the case though..

"" i have always worked in our relationship and brought in more money then him and paid for all the furniture, phone bills sky and animals and feeding of animals and shopping""

""and my partner always paid for rent council tax and heating and we took in turns to pay for water ""

I agree with your last point though krlyr:(

Fire_Fox

animallover123 wrote: »

i told you the application has gone through i am going there today to sign my half, my partner has a good income and is enough to support both of us and i have been accepted on the mortage but instead of the 100 grand they were going to offer him they offered him 70 as he has to support me for the moment
may i hasten to add i have always worked in our relationship and brought in more money then him and paid for all the furniture, phone bills sky and animals and feeding of animals and shopping and my partner always paid for rent council tax and heating and we took in turns to pay for water , so i am not a scrounger i just want to know that i be protected if i move in with him as i said been together 8 years my confidence isnt that great and i dont want to be alone, but there are times he is down right nasty to be calling me ugly spitting in my face and even put me in hospital at times, so i want to know if i give up my rented accomadtion and being near my family if he kicked me out cause we had a row i would have a claim of half the house to go and get somewhere as my mum wont have me with her and i have a lot of animals so not that easy finding a rented place that takes cats and dogs and once i get better i am planning on getting a job again and paying towards the mortage and when if low and behold any of my grandparents die i have money coming to me then that i could add to pay off the mortage

You will not be financially protected in the situation you propose, you will have no legal claim on the house - even if you did you would have to fight through the courts to get it which takes time and money. As a non-driver/ someone who can't afford to run their own car you would be isolated in the middle of nowhere. I cannot understand why you would think of getting another dog, the more animals you have the more trapped you are.

I was with a man with Aspergers for ten years so understand the tempers all too well. Leaving my marriage was very hard because he had been quite controlling but honestly it was the best thing I ever did. What you are experiencing IS mental and physical abuse albeit because he has a learning disability not because he is a nasty bar-steward. Has he had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? Have you had counselling for your confidence and self efficacy?

animallover123

hi thanks for all your replies when he was off for 6 months when i first got together with him and i tried to go out with friends he tried to push me out of our bedroom window and he had conselling and 6 months off work and i sopprted him and payed for his hobbies so he didnt get depressed and then he had a incident with a family memeber last year where they went to hospital and it went to the police but they never filed anything as his family as long as he promised to see a anger managerment counseller but he went 3 x got bored and pretended to his family he was still going, since then things have been a little better as long as i dont shout, or ask him to many questions and let him get on with what he wants to do, i see what you say about the animals and i guess loniness i know i live near my family now but they working and i may seen them once a week and that is it and my partner works long hours or away or out with friends so i wanted a big dog to protect me as moving into country and i be a little scared at nights but day time i love it and so will the animals - i havent had counselling no but i have very low self esteem i dont like anyone to look at me and if i am in public situations i get very red faced and hot and my heart races i never use to be like this i was the life and soul of the party but since being with my partner i put on weight i dont look like i use to and i have health problems and i just like to spend time with my animals, by the house we live is a animal rescue and my dream is to be able to learn to drive and volunteer there walk the dogs as they rescue dogs from pounds and abroad and to be a volunteer you need to drive as they dont allow anyone to walk them but you can take to vets and do home checks and i would love to maybe get my face known there and perhaps work there one day but you need to drive to work there even to be a receptionsist as they had that advertised on there board and i was so pleased til i saw you had to have a valid clean driving licence, so i am thinking move there, have my animals and help the other animals and maybe get a careeer from that once i pass to drive,

animallover123

sorry the house is not a animal rescue its like a 10 minute walk from the animal rescue x

Mojisola

animallover123 wrote: »

when he was off for 6 months when i first got together with him and i tried to go out with friends he tried to push me out of our bedroom window and he had conselling and 6 months off work and i sopprted him and payed for his hobbies so he didnt get depressed

then he had a incident with a family memeber last year where they went to hospital and it went to the police but they never filed anything as his family as long as he promised to see a anger managerment counseller but he went 3 x got bored and pretended to his family he was still going,

since then things have been a little better as long as i dont shout, or ask him to many questions and let him get on with what he wants to do,

And you want to isolate yourself in the country with him?

Being on the deeds is the least of your problems!

animallover123

i see wat you are saying but its few and far between these things happen when his nice his really nice and when his horrid well his very horrid and he said be much better in a bigger house as more space and wont be on top of one another and he be happier so that is why i just wanted to feel a little protected if i moved in with him as i could see us living in harmony and then boosh a argument and him throwing my stuff out of the window and then throwing me out of the house so i just wanted to make sure that i had rights i mean i been with him for better and worse richer and poorer 8 years and his hard work to live with no sense of danger he do one thing, then do another thing and forget what the first thing was he did, i always cant go to bed before him as have to make sure oven off if he cooks as sometimes he likes to cook at midnight eben through he had tea at 8 and doors locked and animals all in and as i said we shared bills up to only til march of this year and apart from the fridge and tv i have paid for everything to make the house a home like beds duvets curtains carpets animals and i pay for sky and i pay extra to have his sports and the extra sport channels so we are basically married but without the papers to say we are