Friend Dilemma

skateykatey

Molly41 wrote: »

Many thanks for your responses.
I have not opened the box - it is just sat on my side board:(

The thing is I dont want to change my response to her. It was a cruel thing to say and very unkind. I did wonder about returning it unopened but yes it may provoke a response:(

Only you know if you can resist opening it or not. Personally I couldn't! Is there anyone you can give it to who can open it and then dispose of it any way that they see fit (rubbish bin, charity shop etc)

If it's worrying you, then get rid asap but I really wouldn't recommend returning it to her. She's made her bed now.

I also omitted to wish you Happy Birthday; don't let this ruin your upcoming day. x

Raksha

McKneff wrote: »

Not when a little white lie would have saved an awful lot of heartache for the OP.

comments made to you like that mark you for life and you never ever forget them.

Im 62, someone made a similar comment to me when I was 14 and I have never forgotten it, nor the hurt it caused me for years.

I had my moment though, saw them 20 years later and boy where they grotesqely fat and ugly, :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Talk about smug lol

Fat? AND Ugly? Or ugly because they were fat? Ugly can be something other than being obese - it can be beneath the skin you know..

Cat501

I suppose it's just possible that inside the box there may be, not just a gift, but a letter of heartfelt apology? Or am I being completely unrealistic?

I couldn't resist opening it anyway

Yorkie1

lostinrates wrote: »

Well.

I have been in this situation and cut my firend soff too. I am a different looking and different acting person than befre i was ill, and tbh i understand their misgivings. Its not nice, but they have lost the friend i was, and i suppose there is a sort of a mourning in that just as there is a mourning from me for the person i was, would be. Similarly I am afraid i no longer speak to sopmeone who i care for deeply because i was stretched emotionally to capacity and found their reliance on me during their mental illness unsupoortable. This was not an easy decision, and i still feel uneasy about it, but i sipmply could not be what they wanted form me, and fou d the whole situation difficult emotionally and was having negative impact on my health.



If i were in your shoes i would open the box. What is in it might change the decision i thought i had made. Or it might confirm it and take some of the unease over the decision.

I recall the OP's previous thread about this friend, and the hurt caused.

However, lostinrates' post gives food for thought.

OP, personally I'd open the parcel. If you choose not to respond, as will still be your option, then she will never know whether you did or didn't open it. But you'll never know if you don't open it.

Molly41

Food for thought x
Many thanks for all your responses.

duchy

There's a world of difference between

You are so changed I can't bear to look at you

and

I do find it upsetting to see you so changed and I need some time to adjust.


The first is horrible....the second -well not ideal but honest and she obviously doesn't want the friendship to end so maybe what she meant was "I didn't visit this trip but by next year I'll have got my head around things and I'll be normal again"

I'd be checking for a letter in the parcel before writing her off completely.

browneyedbazzi

ItchyFeet wrote: »

I would do nothing too. Open the parcel and decide to keep the contents or not, but don't bother contacting her. Perhaps she is using the ploy of sending gifts to assuage her guilt in not being a real friend.

That sounds like a probable explanation to me...especially from someone as shallow as your 'friend' seems to be.

I remember your previous thread and I really thought the issue may have been a miscommunication and gave her the benefit of the doubt but I can't make any more excuses for her.

I can understand people finding it difficult to see a friend who is very ill or who has changed considerably and that it can be a bit like mourning what has been lost but a decent person and true friend would still not say what she did or behave in the way she has.

Open the gift and then decide what you want to do with it...keep it, give it to a charity shop, re-gift it or flog it on ebay.

McKneff

Raksha wrote: »

Fat? AND Ugly? Or ugly because they were fat? Ugly can be something other than being obese - it can be beneath the skin you know..

No offence intended, ugly is ugly, inside and out.
I should not have said fat, sorry, I should have said very very large beer belly................

I know some larger than life people who are so pretty and have the personality to go with it.

I should maybe clarify by saying first they were ugly, in actual fact years later, looking back when they said something nasty to me, I realised that they were no oil painting themselves.
But looking through the eyes of a 14 year old that many years ago attitudes were differnt.
He only said something nasty to me because I wouldnt let him put his hand in me knickers......:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

TheConways

This is a very sad situation. One question - is your friend German/not having English as a mother tongue? I have many German friends, and find them to be generally blunt and occasionally saying something terribly crass but well meant!

I do not know the full history, but wanted to add an alternative perspective.

skateykatey

TheConways wrote: »

This is a very sad situation. One question - is your friend German/not having English as a mother tongue? I have many German friends, and find them to be generally blunt and occasionally saying something terribly crass but well meant!

I do not know the full history, but wanted to add an alternative perspective.

Whilst not excusing the OP's friend for whatever was said, I do suffer from this problem. I have German origins and I can be terribly blunt and honest sometimes but...I really don't mean to be horrible, I'm just being German:rotfl:. Think of Sheldon in Big Bang theory; I just say it like it is! I am learning though and my wide circle of friends is testament to the fact that I'm not a completely heartless cow!

P.S apologies to any tactful and diplomatic Germans who are reading this!