Friend Dilemma

Molly41

Some of you might remember that I posted a thread about difficulties I was having with a very old friend.

She lives in Germany and I see her once a year. However I was quite hurt a few months ago as she came to England and didnt get in touch. Well after getting some very good advice here - I tackled her about it and as it turns out in a very honest response - she did not get in touch because she cannot bear to look at me or see me :eek:

Im very changed to how i was - my illness has taken it's toll but I try to dress nicely and make an effort with my hair and nails. Purely selfish on her part she admits. No empathy for me really, no understanding just stuff about her and how difficult life has been. I have known she is like this all our friendship and made many allowances over the years but to have it so blatantly in your face really hurt.

Anyhow I made the decision (very hard) to end the friendship which she took badly and blamed it on me - well my mental health. I requested that she did not send anymore gifts or cards as it was pretty meaningless. Today a parcel arrives from her for my birthday in a few days time. No other contact in the meantime.

Im stressing about this parcel as I dont know what to do. I had made my decision about the friendship and was coming to terms with it. I would like to ask what you would think and do?
Many thanks and kind regards x

Sagz_2

If you feel that strongly - bin it.

Or return to sender marked 'Not Known at this address'?

skateykatey

There is no point in returning the parcel; that then can open up the line of communication again.

Just do nothing and she will soon realise that the friendship is over, one day she may realise that it was her selfish actions that caused this to happen but that's her problem not yours.

Don't contact her and don't reply to any letters/texts etc.

Luckily she lives abroad so no chance of bumping into her in the street.

What you chose to do with the present is entirely up to you; you may wish to donate to a charity shop.

You don't say if you have opened the parcel or not; what's inside may change my response...

McKneff

I cant believe a so called 'friend' would say that to you. She is no friend at all. What a nasty, nasty person, it wasn't honest, it was cruel to say the least.

Then to get upset when you tell her not to bother again is also hard to believe.

Ignore everything from now on. She really isnt worth your friendship.

lady1964

As hard as it must have been to make the decision to end the friendship, I really believe you've made the right one. She sounds like someone who is selfish and shallow.

As for the gift, are you at all interested in what's in it? If not, simply do as suggested up thread and take it to a charity shop. If you are curious, open it and maybe still donate it or give the contents to someone else. Don't get in touch with the person who sent it, don't even send an acknowledgement of receipt.

Have a very happy birthday!!

ItchyFeet

I would do nothing too. Open the parcel and decide to keep the contents or not, but don't bother contacting her. Perhaps she is using the ploy of sending gifts to assuage her guilt in not being a real friend.

ItchyFeet

Oh yes, and happy birthday in advance!

Molly41

Many thanks for your responses.
I have not opened the box - it is just sat on my side board:(

The thing is I dont want to change my response to her. It was a cruel thing to say and very unkind. I did wonder about returning it unopened but yes it may provoke a response:(

scooby088

Better you friend being honest and lie to you. As for parcel bin it or give it to charity.

lostinrates

Well.

I have been in this situation and cut my firend soff too. I am a different looking and different acting person than befre i was ill, and tbh i understand their misgivings. Its not nice, but they have lost the friend i was, and i suppose there is a sort of a mourning in that just as there is a mourning from me for the person i was, would be. Similarly I am afraid i no longer speak to sopmeone who i care for deeply because i was stretched emotionally to capacity and found their reliance on me during their mental illness unsupoortable. This was not an easy decision, and i still feel uneasy about it, but i sipmply could not be what they wanted form me, and fou d the whole situation difficult emotionally and was having negative impact on my health.



If i were in your shoes i would open the box. What is in it might change the decision i thought i had made. Or it might confirm it and take some of the unease over the decision.

Edit, to be clear i have both been cut off and cut off due to ill health...

McKneff

scooby088 wrote: »

Better you friend being honest and lie to you. As for parcel bin it or give it to charity.

Not when a little white lie would have saved an awful lot of heartache for the OP.

comments made to you like that mark you for life and you never ever forget them.

Im 62, someone made a similar comment to me when I was 14 and I have never forgotten it, nor the hurt it caused me for years.

I had my moment though, saw them 20 years later and boy where they grotesqely fat and ugly, :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Talk about smug lol