We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
An incident at work
Orville
Posts: 1,906 Forumite
Hi,
I work in a local supermarket. Have been having problems with another member of staff, basically he thinks he's funny, but everyone else including me thinks he's a c*ck.
What has been happening is that he wolf whistles at me. First this was a bit of fun but after a few weeks it began to get annoying. After he saw me ignoring it, he ramped it up a little and whistled and the started to say "Hello Daring". I carried on ignoring him, but i only ignored him when he did this, if he came up to me and used my name I'd happily stand there and have a chat with him. It was only when he did the other stuff i deliberately ignored him. Friday things got worse. I was out the back and he whistled again, this time following me saying "Hello sailor boy". I'll be honest and say it was everything i could do not to turn around and hit him. I carried on walking and ignored him. By the time i got home my blood was boiling and i was ready to go back and wait for him. My mate calmed me down and said not to go that route and just put in a complaint when i went into work the following day.
The next day came and i was in two minds weather to say anything at all, this was until i walked past his brother and he did the same thing, well the wolf whistle part. I stopped dead in my tracks, pointed my finger at him and shouted to him to tell his brother that if he did that again, i'd smack his face in. I then just walked off.
The brother who whistled at me that morning then soon realised how much i was angry and came and made small talk with me, i think he realised he's crossed a line and wanted to try to make it up without actually apologising. Fair enough i kept calm and talked back etc. I asked him to tell his brother not to do it as i would put in a complaint. About an hour or so later his brother came in and walked past me and did it again. Then about 3 seconds after that the one i was talking to appeared, it was obvious he told his brother i was wound up by it all and they decided to wind me up again by doing it. He then preceded to tell me that if it were him he'd hit him. (Basically he's stirring and acting innocent at the same time). I said no i am not going to hit him, first i am going to our manager to complain, let her deal with it and then i'm gonna hit him...lol. (didn't mean it but felt good to say it).
So i went to my manager in mixture of emotions, both rage and emotionally upset (although i didn't cry, i nearly did).
. Anyway she was fuming to say the least and said to leave it with her.
I went home and thought nothing much of it, then she called me a few hours later saying that she had, had each of them and their respective managers in the office. They both denied all of it and the one who said hello sailor boy said he would never say that as he used to be in the navy. She said that because there were no witnesses they can't do anything, although the fact they have been hauled upstairs should hopefully put a stop to it. This has been going on for six or so months by the way.
My question is, is that really all they can do..? Could they not have interviewed other members of staff as i know of at least one who said he whistles at him too, but just brushed it off. Surely if someone else said he does it to them (maybe not the same extent) but it proves he does it would then give them good cause to take action..?
I'll be honest and say that i do feel let down by the fact nothing has really been done and i want them punished some way as i have been going through it for the past six months. I mean i would feel alot less agreved if i'd had wacked him one even if i was then in the wrong.
I am sure i have read on here that others have been dismissed even without concrete proof on the basis that it was probable (or something like that) that it was happening.
I work in a local supermarket. Have been having problems with another member of staff, basically he thinks he's funny, but everyone else including me thinks he's a c*ck.
What has been happening is that he wolf whistles at me. First this was a bit of fun but after a few weeks it began to get annoying. After he saw me ignoring it, he ramped it up a little and whistled and the started to say "Hello Daring". I carried on ignoring him, but i only ignored him when he did this, if he came up to me and used my name I'd happily stand there and have a chat with him. It was only when he did the other stuff i deliberately ignored him. Friday things got worse. I was out the back and he whistled again, this time following me saying "Hello sailor boy". I'll be honest and say it was everything i could do not to turn around and hit him. I carried on walking and ignored him. By the time i got home my blood was boiling and i was ready to go back and wait for him. My mate calmed me down and said not to go that route and just put in a complaint when i went into work the following day.
The next day came and i was in two minds weather to say anything at all, this was until i walked past his brother and he did the same thing, well the wolf whistle part. I stopped dead in my tracks, pointed my finger at him and shouted to him to tell his brother that if he did that again, i'd smack his face in. I then just walked off.
The brother who whistled at me that morning then soon realised how much i was angry and came and made small talk with me, i think he realised he's crossed a line and wanted to try to make it up without actually apologising. Fair enough i kept calm and talked back etc. I asked him to tell his brother not to do it as i would put in a complaint. About an hour or so later his brother came in and walked past me and did it again. Then about 3 seconds after that the one i was talking to appeared, it was obvious he told his brother i was wound up by it all and they decided to wind me up again by doing it. He then preceded to tell me that if it were him he'd hit him. (Basically he's stirring and acting innocent at the same time). I said no i am not going to hit him, first i am going to our manager to complain, let her deal with it and then i'm gonna hit him...lol. (didn't mean it but felt good to say it).
So i went to my manager in mixture of emotions, both rage and emotionally upset (although i didn't cry, i nearly did).
. Anyway she was fuming to say the least and said to leave it with her.I went home and thought nothing much of it, then she called me a few hours later saying that she had, had each of them and their respective managers in the office. They both denied all of it and the one who said hello sailor boy said he would never say that as he used to be in the navy. She said that because there were no witnesses they can't do anything, although the fact they have been hauled upstairs should hopefully put a stop to it. This has been going on for six or so months by the way.
My question is, is that really all they can do..? Could they not have interviewed other members of staff as i know of at least one who said he whistles at him too, but just brushed it off. Surely if someone else said he does it to them (maybe not the same extent) but it proves he does it would then give them good cause to take action..?
I'll be honest and say that i do feel let down by the fact nothing has really been done and i want them punished some way as i have been going through it for the past six months. I mean i would feel alot less agreved if i'd had wacked him one even if i was then in the wrong.
I am sure i have read on here that others have been dismissed even without concrete proof on the basis that it was probable (or something like that) that it was happening.
0
Comments
-
If you have witnesses, then get them involved. Why didnt you do this before.
Raise another grievance, but please, do not under any circumstances hit anyone, it is instant dismissal and you will have no defence whatsover.
Its a form of bullying and please dont put up with it any longer.
Sorry, I missed the bit where you said 'hopefully has put a stop to it'
So has it put a stop to it, if not, then complain again, higher up next time.make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
So you say they have been doing this yet you have not witnesses yet you admit you said this ' I stopped dead in my tracks, pointed my finger at him and shouted to him to tell his brother that if he did that again, i'd smack his face in. I then just walked off'
So you have threatened one of them?
Where are they when they are doing this to you? Is there CCTV cameras in the area?0 -
If you have witnesses, then get them involved. Why didnt you do this before.
Raise another grievance, but please, do not under any circumstances hit anyone, it is instant dismissal and you will have no defence whatsover.
Its a form of bullying and please dont put up with it any longer.
There are no witnesses at all to "my" harassment. I spoke to another guy before i put the complaint in and he smiled and said yeah he does it to me too. When i told him about the sailor boy quote his face changed and he immediately said yeah you should definitely go and see someone about it. I think looking back it was those words that helped me decide to actually complain.
When however his brother did the whistle again on the saturday morning, there was another member of staff in the room with me, she however did not hear the actual whistle but was there when the brother turned up and said i should hit him for doing it.
So she was privvy to that but not the actual whistle..
Oh and BTW i would never have hit him inside the workplace, although i very much would have liked to.0 -
The thing is, if the manager has got involved and itnow stops, then something has been done.
I agree about telling your manager about the others that it has happened to, but if it is now going to stop, then it isn't worth getting yourself into trouble for.
Certainly stop threatening people. Right now. And don't you dare hit anyone!"One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
Because by then you've blown your chances. That's it."0 -
Get this other person to make a complaint too?There are no witnesses at all to "my" harassment. I spoke to another guy before i put the complaint in and he smiled and said yeah he does it to me too. When i told him about the sailor boy quote his face changed and he immediately said yeah you should definitely go and see someone about it. I think looking back it was those words that helped me decide to actually complain.
.0 -
When they do anything, stop dead. Take out your notebook, write what happened, where it happened, the date and time and all witnesses present. Then put the book back in your pocket/bag. If they ask, tell them that you have been advised to note down every instance of harassment.
Either that will stop them, or you will have a long list of incidents for your grievance when you put the next one in.If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0 -
MissSarah1972 wrote: »So you say they have been doing this yet you have not witnesses yet you admit you said this ' I stopped dead in my tracks, pointed my finger at him and shouted to him to tell his brother that if he did that again, i'd smack his face in. I then just walked off'
So you have threatened one of them?
Where are they when they are doing this to you? Is there CCTV cameras in the area?
Hmm it's a supermarket, the green one if ya know what i mean..lol. It was on the end of one of the isles, not sure if there is a camera there which may have recorded it. i did make apoint of telling my manager that i threatened him when it happened, and she turned round and said "well under that pressure i can't hold it against you" she also said that i did right in not going through with it and instead went to her.0 -
MissSarah1972 wrote: »Get this other person to make a complaint too?
I doubt if he would, people do not want to rock the boat, and while i had it worse then him, he felt his was just a joke and brushed it off. He might say something if maybe a manager approached him and said that i had told them he had said it to me i suppose.0 -
Oh the green one. They are a crap co and probably wont take it seriously.Hmm it's a supermarket, the green one if ya know what i mean..lol. It was on the end of one of the isles, not sure if there is a camera there which may have recorded it. i did make apoint of telling my manager that i threatened him when it happened, and she turned round and said "well under that pressure i can't hold it against you" she also said that i did right in not going through with it and instead went to her.
So like the last poster said carry a tiny pocket note book and write it all down where you were exactly and the time date etc and then if you need to you can refer back and tell management where you were and you want them to look at the camera.
Have customers heard them both say this to you? If its on the shop floor they must have.
If it was me and I am a girl and work didn't take it seriously and I assume they are only doing this to wind you up, say 'hello darling' back and ask is he wants to go out! That may shut him up!0 -
Can't help to ask! If no one says anything that's how people get away with this kind of thing.I doubt if he would, people do not want to rock the boat, and while i had it worse then him, he felt his was just a joke and brushed it off. He might say something if maybe a manager approached him and said that i had told them he had said it to me i suppose.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 352K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.4K Life & Family
- 258.8K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards