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Cleaners - any advice?

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Comments

  • This is a tough one.

    In one way I agree with the people saying your BF should do his share.

    On the other hand, at least he's being clear about it rather than agreeing to do it for an easy life and not bothering. I suppose what I think is that you should sit down with him and explain that the housework thing isn't working and put the options to him - either paying a cleaner or sharing the jobs out between you. If you really wanted to play hardball you could suggest that he should match in money the time that you are committing.

    The bit I really wouldn't like is if he implies that somehow housework is nothing at all to do with him. If he simply says he doesn't want to do it but is prepared to pay then probably fair enough. But if he thinks it's all your responsibility this early in the relationship, you are absolutely scr*wed if and when kids come along...

    I think someone else's posts are getting muddled with mine, I definitely never said it's nothing at all to do with him. He does help out, just not enough. In fact, before he got his promotion last month he did most of the cooking. :P He's just rubbish at washing up when I cook. I do the bathroom, always have done because I know it gets done properly, but I expect help with the tidying up and hoovering and dusting then. He does almost all the clothes washing and (kitchen) bin emptying. He's not totally rubbish. :P
    I guess I'm just at a point where I'd quite like a deeper clean than I manage in the working week, especially because the OH is messy and doesn't "see" dust (quite literally - doesn't notice it until I wave dust rags under his nose). I wasn't expecting to have to justify why I wanted advice on cleaners lol
  • If he told you before you moved in together that he wasn't going to help etc, then at least he was honest with you. If he wants you to play "wife" with the household duties, then would he pay towards the cleaner?

    Does he have high standards to the way you clean and particular about everything being in its place? If he is, then he sounds very controlling and I personally wouldn't tolerate it.

    If he expects you to be constantly cleaning, then a cleaner really won't be the answer. He has to learn that being in a relationship is 2 way, especially with you both working full-time. Do you do all the cooking too?

    There are ways to make things easier and keep the house clean and tidy, but you would need a strict rota and be willing to devote 15-20 minutes a day each.

    I have used a cleaner for the last few years, although I don't have one atm and have paid between £8-£15ph. I'm disabled and pretty much bed bound. Having a thorough clean regular means that OH doesn't have to worry about doing it and he just keeps on top in-between. TBH though, we are tidy and the kitchen is always spotless unless he's cooking dinner. Our bedroom is more cluttered than I like as I have to keep medications out, a sharps box which is massive, nurses folder, machines, pillow lift, gloves, anti-bac pump, hospital letters etc all out. I had a quote from Merry Maids last week and they wanted £60 a clean:eek::eek::eek:...and I only have a 2 bed semi. Nearly had a heart attack! Their reasoning is that they price a job and not per hour. So they may only be here 45 minutes between the 2 of them. Currently looking for a new one, but i am fussy:o

    Hope you get some kind of balance.

    PP
    xx

    :rotfl:We've lived together for quite a while. He doesn't care much about cleaning right now, he's just too tired and busy with his new job. He doesn't get as much time in the evenings any more, and he's travelling all day, so he gets tired, which is fair enough. I work in an office locally, sitting on my butt all day and get home at roughly the same sort of time most days (unless I'm out and about). He doesn't control the cleaning whatsoever, it's me who tells him that it needs to be done haha! When I say he "expects" the cleaning to be done, what I mean is, when he leaves his little piles of half-done things around the house, the only other person here to sort it out is me... so it's like he subconsciously "expects" that I will put the wrapper in the bin, or the cup in the sink, whatever. I'm not the tidiest either, but sometimes, you know, it's the straw that breaks the camel's back...

    Thank you for the cleaning advice :) Was your £8ph cleaner private or through an agency?
  • Good on ya rita :)

    I would just say this often happens in the early days of relationships when there are hot button topics between you.

    I'd urge you to keep on the path you're keeping on. Be chilled and relaxed. Don't have big scenes or big talks till he's ready to have them. Just make it clear you won't do everything. If there are things he's likely to notice faster, don't touch them at all. Don't do any of his washing. Don't wash his dishes, just have your own plate, cup and cutlery that you keep separately. I'm afraid you may have to let things get into a bad state. But it's kind of worth it to make the point.

    No doubt he will start to complain about the mess or not being able to find a clean cup or whatever. I'd just agree with him and say that it is really dreadful. And if he goes on about it then ask him what he would like to do about it (calmly and politely). Or even 'what do you think we should do about it' if you're feeling charitable. When he mentions the mess, remind him that this is his choice not yours, your first choice was to find a way to manage things between you but he didn't want to do that.

    Good luck and please keep us posted!

    As a PS we had this sort of at the start of the relationship too although I have to say I was lucky that at least in some things my DH was trained. Washing was his blind spot and he refused to acknowledge it was work and refused to do it. He had a huge wardrobe so I always gave in because I hated having washing lying around. One day I stopped. Eventually he had no clean clothes and had to do some washing. He forgot about it and left it in the machine for days and it stank to high heaven. He gave in soon afterwards. I still do all the washing but he now acknowledges it as part of the division of labour in the house and will hang it out etc if needs be :)

    Cheers! It's just got worse recently because he got a new job which is much more stressful and tiring, longer hours and travelling almost every day. I went through the "training" malarky years ago lol, but I'm not being unreasonable towards him - I accept he just doesn't have as much time before, I'm just lucky that I have a reasonably paid office job with regular hours, unlike him. My job is not as tiring as his day to day. It's just strange rebalancing and finding a new way to cope with the house.
  • Thank you for the cleaning advice :) Was your £8ph cleaner private or through an agency?

    That was a private cleaner. I doubt you'd get an agency for less than about £10-£12ph. The main thing I don't like with agencies are that you're contracted most of the time.

    Good luck in whatever you decide.

    PP
    xx
    To repeat what others have said, requires education, to challenge it,
    requires brains!
    FEB GC/DIESEL £200/4 WEEKS
  • Easier said than done. Thinking of coming home for one of the weeks BF is in Hungary & decluttering to start seeing how much he will do when there is less of my stuff - am not very hopeful to be honest. Tired of arguing - he stays quiet whilst I rant & then he sulks for days on end (mostly still doing nothing & occasionally 8 weeks down the line after me having a meltdown will do something when I request yet again something is done, excuses like `forgetting':mad: I have sidestepped by texting instead & then he complained about that - obviously I continue to text as there is written proof of my requests so he can't then `forget').

    Note: he has different days off than me & more (I work 5 days & he works 4 with three off) so `doing chores together' could actually mean all our together time is spent doing housework. He said from the outset he will not cook (I discovered later he can't/won't) or do any housework on the days he works so the requests were obviously on the days off.

    Alot of spoiled men out there it seems - I have actively avoided introducing him to friends partners who also do little/nothing indoors in the hope I can get him housetrained & avoid him saying "well your friends just do it all - if it's good enough for them etc":(

    Am actually skint but peace of mind is a valuable thing to have. Recently discovered despite me not being on a less than average wage - he earns less (guess that's why he was still on the market!) Alternative ideas welcome obviously.

    Note: on another forum someone kindly suggested him doing the DIY or gardening instead. It's a tiny 1-bed flat with no garden. The 2 outstanding DIY jobs remain not done/started.

    I think that you need to take a good look in the mirror in what you have posted and cure the narcissist with their own reflection. IF you are skint you cannot afford a cleaner. Also if you earn more than him and get a cleaner, you should eat your own breakfast and pay the greater share a la numerous "how to split the bills thread". Personaly I think you give women a bad name with your 'house training' thoughts, again eat your own breakfast on how you would think if a bloke posted about house training wifey to have a cooked dinner and herself ready for dessert when he got home.
  • gettingready
    gettingready Posts: 11,330 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Threads like that make me feel so happy that I am single and live by myself. Honestly.

    By the time I get from work (around 6.30), let the cats out for a bit, walk the dog, clean the litter trays, sweep/mop the floors (2 bed flat), bring the cats back in, change water/food for cats/dog, have a bath.... it is about 9pm.

    And time to go to bed only to start all over again the next day - get up at 6am, walk the dog.. etc etc..

    Nobody to complain to/about.

    Single life is just simple great.... ;)
  • krlyr
    krlyr Posts: 5,993 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    In our household, we have set 'chores' and we find this works well. No "well, I did the hoovering yesterday" or "I hoovered 4 days this week already!", we found similar tasks that we each assigned ourselves and we stick to those. Not entirely rigidly - if I'm off work and it's sunny, I may do some laundry to get it out in the sun drying, even though it's technically OH's "job", but equally he may buy us a takeaway which saves me cooking, or run the hoover over if I've got a headache, or whatever. But generally, we have our own tasks so it's fairly obvious when one isn't pulling their weight and it has an impact on both of us - OH doesn't do the laundry, he has no clean work uniform, I don't cook, I go hungry! It may be worth looking at some kind of split like this perhaps, I found that in our last housing setup (houseshare) when we just shared all the tasks, I ended up doing the lion's share simply because of OH's nature - he doesn't know where to start and spends half an hour thinking about it, in which time I've done most of it!
  • sassyblue
    sassyblue Posts: 3,793 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Also if you earn more than him and get a cleaner, you should eat your own breakfast and pay the greater share a la numerous "how to split the bills thread". Personaly I think you give women a bad name with your 'house training' thoughts, again eat your own breakfast on how you would think if a bloke posted about house training wifey to have a cooked dinner and herself ready for dessert when he got home.


    I've read this through several times and still don't understand it, what on earth does 'eat your own breakfast' mean? :rotfl:


    Happy moneysaving all.
  • Sambucus_Nigra
    Sambucus_Nigra Posts: 8,669 Forumite
    krlyr wrote: »
    In our household, we have set 'chores' and we find this works well. No "well, I did the hoovering yesterday" or "I hoovered 4 days this week already!", we found similar tasks that we each assigned ourselves and we stick to those. Not entirely rigidly - if I'm off work and it's sunny, I may do some laundry to get it out in the sun drying, even though it's technically OH's "job", but equally he may buy us a takeaway which saves me cooking, or run the hoover over if I've got a headache, or whatever. But generally, we have our own tasks so it's fairly obvious when one isn't pulling their weight and it has an impact on both of us - OH doesn't do the laundry, he has no clean work uniform, I don't cook, I go hungry! It may be worth looking at some kind of split like this perhaps, I found that in our last housing setup (houseshare) when we just shared all the tasks, I ended up doing the lion's share simply because of OH's nature - he doesn't know where to start and spends half an hour thinking about it, in which time I've done most of it!

    So do we - if I cook he does the pots, and if he cooks I do. I do the washing and he irons. And the cleaner comes every fortnight. Life is too short to spend cleaning if I can afford someone else to do it IMHO.
    If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.
  • I'm sick of arguing about the state of the house and constantly being expected to clean everything. I'm seriously considering getting a cleaner, but don't know anyone who has one. Noticed quite a few posters do have cleaners. I know it's not very MSE but if it leaves us more time to enjoy living and spend more time together, and argue much less... then I'm for it. Do you have any advice on where to look and what to expect to pay for domestic cleaners? Any general advice on the topic very much welcomed.

    the lady of the house has a role to play just like your hubby (the bread earner) perhaps this is your role not a stranger to do it for you , you are lazy, my wife did the cleaning cooking , ironing and bring up 3 kids and held an evening job down aswell when i worked 12 hour shifts
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