Cleaners - any advice?

rita-rabbit

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Well, if he's the lazy-@rse he should be looking for the cleaner and he should be paying for it as well. Does he think that he's still living at home with his Mum?

Easier said than done. Thinking of coming home for one of the weeks BF is in Hungary & decluttering to start seeing how much he will do when there is less of my stuff - am not very hopeful to be honest. Tired of arguing - he stays quiet whilst I rant & then he sulks for days on end (mostly still doing nothing & occasionally 8 weeks down the line after me having a meltdown will do something when I request yet again something is done, excuses like `forgetting':mad: I have sidestepped by texting instead & then he complained about that - obviously I continue to text as there is written proof of my requests so he can't then `forget').

Note: he has different days off than me & more (I work 5 days & he works 4 with three off) so `doing chores together' could actually mean all our together time is spent doing housework. He said from the outset he will not cook (I discovered later he can't/won't) or do any housework on the days he works so the requests were obviously on the days off.

Alot of spoiled men out there it seems - I have actively avoided introducing him to friends partners who also do little/nothing indoors in the hope I can get him housetrained & avoid him saying "well your friends just do it all - if it's good enough for them etc":(

Am actually skint but peace of mind is a valuable thing to have. Recently discovered despite me not being on a less than average wage - he earns less (guess that's why he was still on the market!) Alternative ideas welcome obviously.

Note: on another forum someone kindly suggested him doing the DIY or gardening instead. It's a tiny 1-bed flat with no garden. The 2 outstanding DIY jobs remain not done/started.

londonsurrey

rita-rabbit wrote: »

Easier said than done. Thinking of coming home for one of the weeks BF is in Hungary & decluttering to start seeing how much he will do when there is less of my stuff - am not very hopeful to be honest. Tired of arguing - he stays quiet whilst I rant & then he sulks for days on end (mostly still doing nothing & occasionally 8 weeks down the line after me having a meltdown will do something when I request yet again something is done, excuses like `forgetting':mad: I have sidestepped by texting instead & then he complained about that - obviously I continue to text as there is written proof of my requests so he can't then `forget').

Alot of spoiled men out there it seems - I have actively avoided introducing him to friends partners who also do little/nothing indoors in the hope I can get him housetrained & avoid him saying "well your friends just do it all - if it's good enough for them etc":(

He doesn't want to be housetrained. What do you see in him, that makes him worth it as he is now, rather than a "reformed" version you imagine you could have of him?

ali-t

I pay £7.50ph and my cleaner does 2hpw. It would take me longer to clean than it takes her and it is worthwhile for me as I earn more after tax than I pay her so its a win win situation.

GobbledyGook

rita-rabbit wrote: »

He said from the outset he will not cook (I discovered later he can't/won't) or do any housework on the days he works so the requests were obviously on the days off.
.

So if he lived himself would he starve on his workdays?

If he works 4 days and you work 5 that means there must be at least 1 or 2 days a week that he won't cook on the basis that he is working, but expects you to do so despite it also being a workday for you.

That's just lazy, rude, selfish and inconsiderate imo. If that's his attitude to things then you may find a cleaner doesn't help any. He may just end up being messier and doing less on the basis that you now have the cleaner to help.

If you do get a cleaner I'd get one by recommendation if possible and if not I'd find an ad or something locally.

belfastgirl23

This is a tough one.

In one way I agree with the people saying your BF should do his share.

On the other hand, at least he's being clear about it rather than agreeing to do it for an easy life and not bothering. I suppose what I think is that you should sit down with him and explain that the housework thing isn't working and put the options to him - either paying a cleaner or sharing the jobs out between you. If you really wanted to play hardball you could suggest that he should match in money the time that you are committing.

The bit I really wouldn't like is if he implies that somehow housework is nothing at all to do with him. If he simply says he doesn't want to do it but is prepared to pay then probably fair enough. But if he thinks it's all your responsibility this early in the relationship, you are absolutely scr*wed if and when kids come along...

savingmummy

If your going to look for a cleaner i would go by recommendation ie, a neighbour/friend who already uses one.

I`d be telling your BF to get his butt into gear and help you

building_with_lego

savingmummy wrote: »

If your going to look for a cleaner i would go by recommendation ie, a neighbour/friend who already uses one.

I`d be telling your BF to get his butt into gear and help you

No no no, not "help you", as that implies it's your job (and he thinks that already). He needs to pull his weight/ do his share/ contribute/ however you wish to phrase it but he is not to "help you"

KateLiana27

rita-rabbit wrote: »

Alot of spoiled men out there it seems

I disagree. I have never had a boyfriend who was so inconsiderate (yes, that's what it is) as to leave all the housework to me. They might not have been perfect but they tried. Adults take care of themselves!

You need to find yourself a better man.

Sambucus_Nigra

KateLiana27 wrote: »

I disagree. I have never had a boyfriend who was so inconsiderate (yes, that's what it is) as to leave all the housework to me. They might not have been perfect but they tried. Adults take care of themselves!

You need to find yourself a better man.

I don't like cleaning, I am happy with that and I pay for someone to do it for me. Cleaning, not tidying [before anyone asks]. Are you saying that I am inconsiderate and that my OH needs to get a better partner?

Mojisola

aintshesweet wrote: »

I'm sick of arguing about the state of the house and constantly being expected to clean everything. I'm seriously considering getting a cleaner, but don't know anyone who has one. Noticed quite a few posters do have cleaners. I know it's not very MSE but if it leaves us more time to enjoy living and spend more time together, and argue much less... then I'm for it. Do you have any advice on where to look and what to expect to pay for domestic cleaners? Any general advice on the topic very much welcomed.

Martin always says being a moneysaver isn't about never spending money but not over-spending where you don't need to so that you can spend on what you want.

If spending a bit on a cleaner makes life easier, why not do it?