Apologising

Blue_Monkey

My mum expects me to apologise for something I said. Yet I meant it. She knows I meant it and I think cannot deal with me voicing an opinion.

So if I apologise, it's only because she's told me I (in her view) was rude. Not because I think I was rude, I wasn't.

How does it work in this case? Do I apologise to keep the peace and move on, or not because I don't think I've got anything to apologise for and it's just that she heard something she didn't want to hear....

I know no one can really tell me what to do, but it got me thinking about the true meaning of an apology.....

tea_lover

You could apologise for upsetting her maybe? That way you haven't taken back what was said as such, just said you're sorry if it caused any offence.

Gra76

It's up to you. On a personal note, if I meant it and I felt strongly enough about it, I'd leave it without an apology but would say something along the lines of "I appreciate you disagree/don't like what was said but I'm not taking it back."

If you meant it (and it was truthful) then leave it at that.

I probably offend half the people around me everytime I open my mouth, but just because they don't want to hear it doesn't mean it isn't right. If you say something and it's truthful you shouldn't have to lose sleep over someone else not likeing it.

The truth sometimes does hurt.

A bit more background on what was actually said would help though....

Errata

"I'm sorry if you think I was rude mum, that wasn't my intention and I apologise." should do it.

cutestkids

Your Mum sounds just like my Mum, she still thinks I am 12 most of the time despite being 40 with a home, partner and two kids she often tells me not to be cheeky, or not to interrupt when grown ups are talking.

I have given up to be honest and jut let it go over my head.

balletshoes

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

My mum expects me to apologise for something I said. Yet I meant it. She knows I meant it and I think cannot deal with me voicing an opinion.

So if I apologise, it's only because she's told me I (in her view) was rude. Not because I think I was rude, I wasn't.

How does it work in this case? Do I apologise to keep the peace and move on, or not because I don't think I've got anything to apologise for and it's just that she heard something she didn't want to hear....

I know no one can really tell me what to do, but it got me thinking about the true meaning of an apology.....

I don't know how you said what you said, but is it possible you could apologise for the way you said what you said, or apologise if it makes your mum feel that you were rude, but not apologise for what you said?

Thats what I would do I think.

Sambucus_Nigra

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

My mum expects me to apologise for something I said. Yet I meant it. She knows I meant it and I think cannot deal with me voicing an opinion.

So if I apologise, it's only because she's told me I (in her view) was rude. Not because I think I was rude, I wasn't.

How does it work in this case? Do I apologise to keep the peace and move on, or not because I don't think I've got anything to apologise for and it's just that she heard something she didn't want to hear....

I know no one can really tell me what to do, but it got me thinking about the true meaning of an apology.....

'I'm not apologising for my opinion, if you didn't want me to have one then you should have brought me up differently. Now, do you want a cuppa?'

browneyedbazzi

I agree with the others above..I wouldn't apologise for what I said if it was true and something I wasn't sorry about. I would however apologise for any upset caused and for the tone/manner in which it was said if it had come out a bit harsh.

Having an opinion in itself isn't 'rude' but sometimes people can be a bit fierce in the way they express their opinions, particularly if it is about an emotive subject.

Penny-Pincher!!

I would apologise for her getting upset, but that you meant what you said.

snozberry

Apologies have to come from the heart and if you truly believe in what you said then do not apologise. I wouldn't even apologise for her being upset because, at the end of the day, she chose to become upset. It was her reaction to what you said. She chose to react in that way. She could have let your comment go over her head but it didn't. Maybe you touched upon a raw nerve and it got her thinking.

However, if you called her a rude name or anything insulting then you ought to apologise.

It's your call.

Mojisola

tea_lover wrote: »

You could apologise for upsetting her maybe? That way you haven't taken back what was said as such, just said you're sorry if it caused any offence.

Slight twist to the above -

If she was upset by something that's true but she didn't want to hear, that reaction was hers. You weren't setting out to upset her.

I think I'd go with - I'm sorry if you felt upset by what I said but I stand by my opinion.