To people with kids...

mildred1978

zoeisababe wrote: »

I have an almost 8 year old and an almost 3 year old.

We didn't want to get married...or more HE didn't want to get married. It was never anything we could both agree on.

I got pregnant with my first daughter and then again 4 years later by accident (on his behalf not mine!)

Then I said when my first daughter was going to school "wouldn't it be nice to all have the same name & wouldn't 12.12.12 make the perfect wedding day"

he said no.

so I started looking at venes online and buying weddingy things...designed my engagement ring and showed him.

Then after he looked at the first venuewith me he said " suppose we better get engaged"

so we are mainly getting married because I want the same surname as my girls...it won't change anything else.

It was never a priority until my eldest started school.

Why not just do it by deed poll if that's the only reason for doing it?

shellsuit

zoeisababe wrote: »

I have an almost 8 year old and an almost 3 year old.

We didn't want to get married...or more HE didn't want to get married. It was never anything we could both agree on.

I got pregnant with my first daughter and then again 4 years later by accident (on his behalf not mine!)

Then I said when my first daughter was going to school "wouldn't it be nice to all have the same name & wouldn't 12.12.12 make the perfect wedding day"

he said no.

so I started looking at venes online and buying weddingy things...designed my engagement ring and showed him.

Then after he looked at the first venuewith me he said " suppose we better get engaged"

so we are mainly getting married because I want the same surname as my girls...it won't change anything else.

It was never a priority until my eldest started school.

Really?! :eek:

You don't need to get married for your children to have the same name as you.

If it was so important, they could have had your name from birth, or like mildred said, you could have done it by deed poll.

You're lucky your OH took you up on the wedding though after plotting and planning behind his back, but I'm laughing at his response "I suppose we'd better get engaged then", the old romantic lol

dizsiebubba

Because how you feel about being married is how i feel about having a baby e.g I know it is something that I really want and I want it before a certain time (before age 25)...

However, I would like to be married, but if I never could afford to have the wedding that I want, then I won't feel like I have missed out on anything & it won't change my relationship with my OH so there is no rush for us... my only problem is that they will have the same surname and I will be left out

faerie~spangles

My son and his lady live abroad. She was previously married and goes by her ex husband's name. Which meant that any children born within their relationship, should by the laws of the country they live in be given their mother's married name.

They did the in sickness and in health bit fairly early on in their relationship. My son was seriously ill for well over a year and she supported him emotionally and financially throughout that time.

They then started trying for a family (obviously I thought you get married and then try) I did keep my opinions to myself though.

They suffered 3 miscarriages and in 2010 had my little granddaughter and earlier this year they gave me a beautiful grandson, both babies planned and both have my son's name

Last night I was talking to my son on FB and he told me he had proposed and they are finally tying the knot.:T

mildred1978

dizsiebubba wrote: »

Because how you feel about being married is how i feel about having a baby e.g I know it is something that I really want and I want it before a certain time (before age 25)...

However, I would like to be married, but if I never could afford to have the wedding that I want, then I won't feel like I have missed out on anything & it won't change my relationship with my OH so there is no rush for us... my only problem is that they will have the same surname and I will be left out

This is getting ridiculous.

A) its not the law to change your name when you marry, you don't have to marry to change your name and C) there's no law that says kids have to have their father's name.

My son has my husband's surname and mine as a second middle name. So he has my name and his dad's name.

Had we not been married when we had him, we'd have done it exactly the same way.

daisiegg

mildred1978 wrote: »

This is getting ridiculous.

A) its not the law to change your name when you marry, you don't have to marry to change your name and C) there's no law that says kids have to have their father's name.

My son has my husband's surname and mine as a second middle name. So he has my name and his dad's name.

Had we not been married when we had him, we'd have done it exactly the same way.

I agree with you - if I got myself in the position of having a child with a man I wasn't married to (which for me would be very undesirable but I know these things happen!) I would insist the child had my surname, and if the man wanted the same name as his child he could damn well marry me for that to happen! That's just my personal opinion though obviously, and no judgement on what anyone else chooses to do

shellsuit

daisiegg wrote: »

I agree with you - if I got myself in the position of having a child with a man I wasn't married to (which for me would be very undesirable but I know these things happen!) I would insist the child had my surname, and if the man wanted the same name as his child he could damn well marry me for that to happen! That's just my personal opinion though obviously, and no judgement on what anyone else chooses to do

That's what happened with us.

The eldest 2 have my surname (well, maiden name now!) as there was no marriage on the cards. I always told their Father that if we married, the children could then take his surname.

Good job they did take my name as we split when the children were 2 and 6 months old.

The little one, who is 3, has his Father's (and mine) surname, as although we weren't married before I fell pregnant, we organised the wedding when I was pregnant, so I knew it was definitely happening.

jacksma

My hubby and I met and fell pregnant with our son within 8 weeks of meeting... However, we just knew we were right together and marriage wasn't ever something I was interested in.

But after having our son, I felt it was important that we were a 'proper' family unit, all with the same name. So we got married last year, and I was 5wks pregnant with our daughter at the wedding, which we found out on day 2 of our honeymoon....

I love the fact, that in a way I can say to both of our children that they were there on the day that we all became a family... My son loves to tell people that he was at our wedding on the day mummy looked like a princess...

I feel that being married completes us, but everyone is different.....

tomhann187_2

We have an 11 month old son and are getting married in January. We have been together for 9 years, and have lived together for 7 years. We have wanted to get married for a few years, but I'm a student and funds are tight. We could have had a low-cost wedding years ago, but we're only going to do this once and there are certain things that we were not willing to compromise on (not very MSE I know!). We started looking at budget venues a couple of years ago, but we were just disappointed and nothing wowed us. We decided to wait until we could afford the day we really wanted.

I am currently doing my PhD (on maternity at the moment) and the plan was to wait to get married until I qualified (2013) and was in a well-paid job. However, I was extremely fortunate to be awarded an Academic Excellence scholarship which pays for my fees and gives me a monthly wage to study. The scholarship also allows 1year's maternity leave on 75% pay - an amazing package that I will not get in the future. The types of jobs I'll be doing will make leaving to have a baby very difficult indeed, so we thought we'd take advantage of the maternity package offered to me and have a baby during my doctorate.

Wedding plans were still set for after I qualify. However, we have recently been given some inheritance money from the sad death of a relative, which has allowed us to have the wedding we've always wanted much sooner than we thought!