To people with kids...

daisiegg

Ok, I need to try and phrase this in a way that does not come across as judgemental or insulting in any way....so please please do not take offence as I do NOT mean it that way!

I have noticed on this board the number of brides- and grooms-to-be who already have children. I've noticed it even more from looking at the honeymoon thread and seeing the people who have to consider childcare when planning their honeymoons.

I suppose I'm just curious...if you have children, what has caused you to decide to get married now? Why didn't you before? Does it feel more special because your children will be at your wedding? Is it a hassle planning a wedding with children or does it make it more fun (I'd love to have a little flower girl!)? If you are already a very established family, how is getting married going to change that for you? Why is it important now?

Again I am not being in any way judgemental and I hope I don't come across that way.....I have just had quite a traditional upbringing and was taught that the 'right' way to do things is to get married then have children and that's the way all my friends and family have done it (i'm not saying i agree that that's the only 'right' way at all! I think as long as you're happy and not hurting anyone you should live your life how you want!) so i'm really interestd to hear the opinions of people who are doing things differently. To be fair, I'm not THAT traditional as my OH has a child from a previous relationship, although they weren't married. From a personal point of view, I am glad I am having the chance to have a wedding and honeymoon and sort of just-married 'honeymoon period' without having children yet. That said, had I got pregnant unexpectedly before getting married I'm sure I would have been delighted and would still have enjoyed doing it that way round.

Again please don't take this as judgemental - it is pure curiosity about people who are also going through the wedding planning process at the same time as me

LoLo

I guess mine is a little strange as I had one child before getting married and the next child after the wedding. For us it was purely circumstantial, we got engaged and then discovered I was pregnant the following month. So due to finances, ( we had also just bought a house), we had to postpone the wedding.
We always knew that we would get married but I guess life got in the way.

Labsettings

I wonder the same thing too, thanks for asking daisiegg!

My dad got re-married quite recently and between them have 5 adult children (youngest 19), they've both been married before, but they both felt that this time it was different, they were the one for each other, and they wanted to have a celebration with their friends and family for their relationship!

My uncle, however, has been in a relationship with who I call my auntie as they've been together since I was young, but they agreed never to marry as they've both done it before and didn't want to have to go through another messy divorce. In their eyes, they don't need a certificate to be happy.

Good on both of them really! But I look forward to reading views of those in the position!

findingmyownway

Of my peers who are married, all did it before kids. There are a good few who are unmarried with kids, including my cousins and they have indicated that its not high priority for them anymore now the kids have come along.

Of my parents / OH's parents, they all did it before kids the first time and have since remarried with adult children.

As for me, I always thought I would be married before kids, probably with 1-2 years between the two. As life turns out, in 2.5 weeks I will be walking down the aisle circa 13 weeks pregnant and so it doesn't always work out the way you expect :rotfl::rotfl:

(wedding was planned way before our 'suprise' though)

wifeforlife

Daisy dont worry its not offensive in anyway chick

For us we're getting married 9 years to the exact day after getting together. I already had a daughter and we now have a son together.

For us it's about having a family unit, showing both our children that we're a family. We will all change and have the one family name but for me personally it's about stablility.

We both have wills, however things can change and life throws us all curve balls sometimes. There is no such thing as common law wife, so the legalities of marriage is something we both take very seriously and felt we wanted to commit to.

I know it's not very romantic, but it's the most honest answer I can give you. We love each other dearly, he's my best friend in life and even if we didnt get married I know we'd be together for ever.

Crowdpleaser

It just wasn't inportant to us. We had the girls and had a rough ride with DD1, now things are more settled, we started thinging about it. Then OH's dad passed away unexpectedly last year and it just made us rethink. Incidently I was always gonna change my name by deed poll before the girls started school.

Im not sure there is a right way to do it in these ages. I think there is a right way to do it for you. No one should ever be dicatted to or frowned upon for doing it there way. My Grandad was so keen for us to marry but never made it a big deal, we are now doing it as we are ready and he will give me a away, bless him!

And yes, both my girls will be flowergirls and no im not having any other bridesmaids!!! LOL xxx

McKneff

I have often wondered something along the same lines, why do people have kids and then suddenly decide that they want to go to University or College, why not do it before they have kids, surely it would be a lot easier all round.

Hollie84

I didnt think i could have children,me and my ex were trying for a long time,we split and at the time of meeting my OH i was going for fertility tests but within 3 months i was pregnant,totally not planned but happy non the less.we got engaged about 2 years later and started to plan things but then OH lost his job so it had to be put on hold and i also fell pregnant with our 2nd.so when our two children were nearly 2 and 5 we decided now was the time to think about getting married,the kids would be old enough to understand as they are now nearly 3 and 6 and id be happy to leave them with MIL and FIL or my mum and dad why we went away.we decided not to take the kids on honeymoon because me and OH have never been away alone in the 7years we have been together.we plan on a big family holiday abroad next year now that the kids are older.
Yes its easier financially to get married before kids but for some people things happen for a reason and im so glad that ive had children and so happy that they will be a part of our special day.I knew i always wanted kids before my grandparents got to old or passed on as they are/were a big part of my childhood,my grandad luckily got to see my 2nd DD and get to know her a little before he sadly passed away last march.that is something for me i will always treasure and she was a blessing after sadly loosing a baby before we conceived with her.Thats all i can say really

mildred1978

McKneff wrote: »

I have often wondered something along the same lines, why do people have kids and then suddenly decide that they want to go to University or College, why not do it before they have kids, surely it would be a lot easier all round.

Partly because it's cheaper to go if you're on certain benefits (and let's face it, most people with 'high' salaries and careers go back to it) and I suppose kids may be the motivation to better themselves.

Friend of mine had kids early, and then went to uni once her eldest started secondary school. Went from rubbish NMW jobs to social worker earning £20k+. Not many 18 year olds fancy being social workers. Her life experience helped her realise what she really wanted to be.

I finished my Masters while my son was a baby - I had a lot more time then!

double_mummy

money lol

i have my two trouble makers (who are the same age as hollies lol) and we never really thought about it but with OH not being great health wise and it just makes sense to do it so we are doing it on the 10th anniversary of us meeting (we didnt get together for 3 years after that)

also his grandma who is the Don of the family is getting on a bit and i know he wouldnt be fully happy doing it without her there

lisajane8482

My OH and I have a daughter each from previous relationships.

I found out I was pregnant after 4 months of ex and I being together, it was rather a shock since I was on the pill and took it religiously. We were planning to get married after our daughter was born but it ended up being cancelled as he was emotionally abusive and i had had enough and left him.

My h2b and I decided to get married last year (at a friends wedding), we don't plan on having any children together as I'm career orientated plus we're happy with our "ready made" family. He has mentioned having children together, we got a kitten instead :rotfl:

I'd always planned my life as marriage, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after. However, it happened as have a daughter, rent a house, soon to get married and hopefully live happily ever after.