To people with kids...

Hollie84

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I want to comment but I really really don't want anyone to take offence to it so if I put it wrong I really really don't mean to upset anyone.

My opinion about people having a massive wedding once they have kids is that the money could be better spent elsewhere in the sense of you could just have a registry office and a lovely family holiday or a registry office and put the rest of the money towards a family home or decorating a home if you already have one or could be spent on the kids.

I really hope no one takes offence to it, I just see that it's a lot of money for one big party when it could be better spent else where

Steph xx

Ours is very MSE £3500,we have our own home,all decorated and our kiddies want for nothing.OH holds down a very well paid job and i work from home,even still we wanted to keep our wedding on a budget but can see your point.;)

double_mummy

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I want to comment but I really really don't want anyone to take offence to it so if I put it wrong I really really don't mean to upset anyone.

My opinion about people having a massive wedding once they have kids is that the money could be better spent elsewhere in the sense of you could just have a registry office and a lovely family holiday or a registry office and put the rest of the money towards a family home or decorating a home if you already have one or could be spent on the kids.

I really hope no one takes offence to it, I just see that it's a lot of money for one big party when it could be better spent else where

Steph xx

this is your opinion and you are entitled to it but mine is completely different

firstly my wedding is not a party its a wedding

secondly studies have shown that children of married couples do better in school are more happy 5 times less likely to experience parental relationship breakdown married couples state that they have a greater relationship quality than cohabiting couple and this will all affect a child growing up (look at the recent paper from the university of texas, and many other academic publications from all over the world)

thirdly there is always something that needs money in this life, whether you have kids or not, as long as the child/children are the priority and are not losing out on anything - a secure home the bills being paid education time with parents play time stimulating toy and developmental aids (where appropriate) then i dont see the problem if tomorrow my child needed something that costed the full amount of my wedding they would have what they need and the wedding would be cancelled until i could pay for it but we want the wedding we have planned and worked hard on and will keep waiting until i could afford that wedding

i do know that there are parents out there who put what they want in front of what their children need but i do not seriously think that any of these parents are here and i hope that they are not - if they were why would they be on MSE?

sorry that turned into a mini rant xxxx

mildred1978

Our wedding (including honeymoon) cost something like £18k 8 years ago.

Had we known then what we know now we'd have spent less than £5k and probably eloped. Apart from the service (church or registry office) it is just a party.

Viopop

ktb wrote: »

I'm somewhat in this quandary at the moment, so is interesting to see all the posts. My OH & I are madly in love and want to do it all; house, marriage, kids etc.... Although neither of us are massively traditional, our plan was to get married towards end of next year and then start trying for a family.

However, I am 33 y/o with quite severe endometriosis, fibroids, ovarian cysts and hormone issues, which my Dr has, on numerous occasions, warned may well cause me problems with the babies bit. A couple of weeks ago, my OH suggested we stop trying NOT to have a baby sooner rather than later, as there is no point waiting another 18 months to even start trying, with my medical history in mind. We know 100% we are in it for life, so logistically does it REALY matter if we get married before or after having our family? I thought he had a fair point although given the choice, minus health issues, I would still rather do the wedding first personally. If it takes a long time to conceive we may well end up doing just that anyway!

I was at my parent's wedding (Mum was 7 months preggers) and they are still very much an item and my brother is about to have a baby with his girlfriend.... so there is certainly no pressure for family to go the more traditional route, I just liked the idea of the 'newlywed' time alone, but if it is that or leaving it too late for babies, there is no contest.

We have just celebrated our 1st year anniversary and have 2 dd's age 4 and almost 3, I suffer from PCOS and dr had warned me that I would probably need some form of fertility treatment in order to conceive. OH and I left it to chance and I fell pregnant with dd1 after 3 months of stopping with the pill and then when she was 9 months old I fell pregnant with dd2.

Last year, before dd1 started school we got married in a lovely registry office with our immediate family and a couple of our close friends and went for a meal in a lovely restaurant afterwards. We told everyone else after the event! I have no regrets as our savings are now being put to use in ways that will benefit our children - not on a wedding/party.

I always thought I would get married and kids would follow a couple of years later, but am I any less married than any of my friends who have spent 20-30k on a wedding/big posh party?? nope, we are all "Mr and Mrs" and I am so blessed to have my 2 girls.

I guess you have to do what feels right for you, but if children and marriage are on the cards for you and you OH - what does it matter in which order they happen?? Good luck x

daisiegg

neneromanova wrote: »

Your so called "traditional" way, isn't traditional at all

Back in medieval times, men used to knock women up then marry them, as if they couldn't have babies and carry on their name, then the women were useless to them. It's only recently with "god" that it's been get married, have babies.

.

Well, medieval times were a LONG time ago. I am talking about tradition in the sense of what was 'normal' for our parents' generation and their parents and grandparents and theirs and theirs before them and probably a couple more generations before that too before you get back to medieval times...

Thanks everyone for the replies - very interesting

cats2012

Just to add my view, I'm used to the "traditional" way too and that's what will happen for us (unless I'm pregnant right now - pretty sure I'm not...!), but I was chatting with two ladies at work about this recently who have both been married before, but not kids with husband 1, then now have 2 kids with their new partners.

One got married about 4 months ago and we asked what made her do it then and she said because it was about her and her now husband. They had the kids, they were 100% a family, but although the children were at the wedding it was just about him and her saying how much they loved each other.

I thought that was really nice

dingdongavoncalling

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I want to comment but I really really don't want anyone to take offence to it so if I put it wrong I really really don't mean to upset anyone.

My opinion about people having a massive wedding once they have kids is that the money could be better spent elsewhere in the sense of you could just have a registry office and a lovely family holiday or a registry office and put the rest of the money towards a family home or decorating a home if you already have one or could be spent on the kids.

I really hope no one takes offence to it, I just see that it's a lot of money for one big party when it could be better spent else where

Steph xx

I completely understand where you are coming from, but the same could be said at nearly any time in a persons life. It is about what you can afford, and whether or not the money could be better spent elsewhere or should be saved.
Me and my OH have no children, and I am still torn between ''I am only going to do this once''....and the fact it is thousands of pounds in just one day!
Some people without kids spend money they don't have and get themselves into debt, which is (in my opinion) not a great way to start married life together!
I guess children or no children, people should only spend what they can afford.

shellsuit

I already had 2 children when I met my now husband who were 6 and 4 at the time.

We then had a son together, in 2009.

We got married in 2010.

We had wanted to get married but it was just one of those things that we didn't get around to, but once I fell pregnant, we started organising our wedding, not just for love, but for legal reasons.


If people who have children want to have a 20K wedding and can afford it, why shouldn't they? I don't agree with them going into debt for it, but why would it be a problem if that's what the couple choose?

We had 3 children, spent 5K (honeymoon not included in that) and got married in a registry office.

We could have done it cheaper and we could have done it dearer, but we did it the way WE wanted to do it, which is all that matters.

pinky83

I don't find this offensive at all....good on the OP for asking! We got engaged then 3 weeks later found out I was 6 weeks pregnant! Sometimes you assume you are going to do it the "traditional" way of marriage then babies but I guess someone, somewhere had other plans for us! I think it was lovely that we were able to include our daughter in our day and in the years to come we will be able to show her the photos and tell her all about our special day.

zoeisababe

I have an almost 8 year old and an almost 3 year old.

We didn't want to get married...or more HE didn't want to get married. It was never anything we could both agree on.

I got pregnant with my first daughter and then again 4 years later by accident (on his behalf not mine!)

Then I said when my first daughter was going to school "wouldn't it be nice to all have the same name & wouldn't 12.12.12 make the perfect wedding day"

he said no.

so I started looking at venes online and buying weddingy things...designed my engagement ring and showed him.

Then after he looked at the first venuewith me he said " suppose we better get engaged"

so we are mainly getting married because I want the same surname as my girls...it won't change anything else.

It was never a priority until my eldest started school.