respecting her privacy or cold and callous?

londonsurrey

If you don't care, you don't care. Your OH knows that you support him, and you'll be there for whatever he wants you for. He's happy with that, and your relationship works.

If you were a different character, wanting to know, etc, some might see it as lovely, some would see it as fussing too much, and as your OH is still the same character, he might find it annoying.

To me, cold in this situation would be refusing help when it is requested, or given the relationship, insisting on knowing because "it's the done thing to ask".

Stressed_Out

In your shoes the only asking I'd be doing is how are the children?

Like you say you've never met these people are not likely to, so why would you show an interest? You could pass them in a supermarket & not know who they are.

Your friend may be all friends round the dinner table with her DH ex's family but not everyone is the same.

sharrison778

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I think it's your friend who hasn't thought this through. An enquiry from you could go down like a lead balloon if it got to the ex-wife's ears in the 'wrong' way or at the 'wrong' time - and that's all to easy to do, however well intentioned the original comment. How many of us get the wrong end of the stick, particularly when we are already very worried and upset?

Him. Sharrison asked me when your Mum might be coming home from hospital ...

Her. What the hell is it to do with her?! You keep your floozy (sorry, OP - just for the sake of the story ) out of my life. It's bad enough that I have to hear the kids singing her praises without her poking her nose into my family's business any further ....

No offence taken, that's exactly the situation I was hoping to avoid!

Obviously if the kids want to talk about it, thats different, but otherwise I think I'll continue to keep my mouth shut.

Being the new partner is tricky enough without adding drama. Last week his daughter has asked me to take her to get her lip waxed for the first time because its a little hairy (dark hair) and she is getting teased at school but her mother wont take her. I'm not sure why not. Its a no win situation - I cant do it because I'd never want to override their mum, but seeing her upset sucks too. I'm trying to get my partner to talk to her mum but....

Anyway, thanks for the comments and advice everyone!

burnoutbabe

my only concern would be that its the kids granmother, so I'd be assuming that the partner would be getting regular updates about how things were going. And then telling me if any change.

if he wasn't asking, i'd be concerned about that as he'd need to know in terms of arranging visits, comforting the kids etc.

I'd personally not care that much, but i'd want to know that my partner knew what was going on. I'm suprised that you "assume" he is getting updates, rather than know he is speaking to the kids and finding out what the situation is. That more says you have no interest in how the kids are, which is something you would expect someone to care more about than a random older woman.

sharrison778

burnoutbabe wrote: »

my only concern would be that its the kids granmother, so I'd be assuming that the partner would be getting regular updates about how things were going.

I'm suprised that you "assume" he is getting updates, rather than know he is speaking to the kids and finding out what the situation is.

You say you'd be assuming but then then you're surprised when I do?

I make a conscious effort not to tell my partner how to deal with his kids. I know he talks to them and emails them a lot but its not my usual practice to ask for daily details or tell him to to relate to them.