Hate doing this but need advice badly.

Fission

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

See if you husband can formally adopt your children. Then he will be responsible for 5.

That wouldn't make any difference. The increments are:

• one child (15% of income not taken into account),
• two children (20% not taken into account) and
• three or more children (25% not taken into account, whether it's three or twenty).

Hawthorn

Spamfree wrote: »

OP

YOU aren't paying anything for the oh's son, his father is, he's the one working.

How old is the son if he's training to be a policeman?
Hopefully your oh won't have to be paying money to support him once he is classed as an adult.

I imagine it galls the son's mother that her ex is keeping your four kids, but is not wanting to support his own.

it was my husband that was training to be a policeman.

Do you not read? I said we offered £80 a month to them, so it's not a case of not wanting to support. She won't accept a private arrangement.

It probably does gall the sons mother, since we can no longer take him for two weeks at a time whilst they go away on holiday. Please don't try to paint me as the bad guy here, ok? I took this child into my home, I was really fond of him and he broke that trust in a horrible way. That mother by the way, didn't even call to see how my daughter was doing.
There IS a lot of bad feeling there yes....on my side certainly, and more than likely on her side too. But, since my child wasn't the one doing the abusing I would expect her to be a little more gracious.

I also realise technically that it's my husband paying, but since our finances support the whole household and I'm the one who organises the budget......

Prelude yes, some is arrears. Not sure on the balance at the moment since I believe we're waiting on paperwork and they are not the most forthcoming over the phone. I know they said it will take roughly two years to clear the arrears at that rate, which is the longest they are allowed to take if what the guy at CSA says is true.

Anyway, thanks for those who took the time to post useful comments. For those who can only make time to make snide remarks, I hope you never find yourself in a situation like this because it's not all as clear cut as you would like it to be when you are inside that situation. Trust me on that.

clearingout

hawthorn - why isn't your ex contributing? is there not something we can do about that?

has your husband let the CSA know that there are 4 children living in his household? has a reduction been made for your children if they already know? it should show on the paperwork if so.

cte1111

From the figures you've given, it looks like your partner earns £231 net per week. This means your partner earns £14,000 roughly a year.

From the benefit calculator, it looks like you would be receiving about £245 per week in tax credits as well as £60.50 in child benefit, plus council tax benefit and housing benefit to pay about half your council tax and most of your rent. Try putting figures into here and see what you come up with:
http://www.turn2us.entitledto.co.uk/entitlementcalculator.aspx

Your best bet is to do a statement of affairs and then people can help you work out if there are areas you can cut back. You also need to check that you are getting all the benefits to which you are entitled. There's no point complaining about your husband supporting his son financially, it's his responsibility regardless of his son's behaviour.

Hawthorn

clearingout wrote: »

hawthorn - why isn't your ex contributing? is there not something we can do about that?

has your husband let the CSA know that there are 4 children living in his household? has a reduction been made for your children if they already know? it should show on the paperwork if so.

Well, we seperated in 2001. He was working then, but I think maybe to do with the changeover from CSA1 to CSA2 it took them a long time to assign a caseworker even. By that time (2004 I think?) he was out of work. I've had a couple of letters saying he owes me xxx amount, but that they can only give me what they receive. To my knowledge he hasn't worked officially since 2004, and appears to be being supported by his partner. That's about all I can tell you really....repeated phone calls to the CSA about it yield nothing new.

Yes, they know he's supporting four children, and they say that the reduction has been made for that. Still awaiting official paperwork regarding all of this.

hopefully the CAB will be able to give us benefits advice.

Thanks again

Spamfree_2

cte1111 wrote: »

From the figures you've given, it looks like your partner earns £231 net per week. This means your partner earns £14,000 roughly a year.

From the benefit calculator, it looks like you would be receiving about £245 per week in tax credits as well as £60.50 in child benefit, plus council tax benefit and housing benefit to pay about half your council tax and most of your rent. Try putting figures into here and see what you come up with:
http://www.turn2us.entitledto.co.uk/entitlementcalculator.aspx

Your best bet is to do a statement of affairs and then people can help you work out if there are areas you can cut back. You also need to check that you are getting all the benefits to which you are entitled. There's no point complaining about your husband supporting his son financially, it's his responsibility regardless of his son's behaviour.

So at least £500 per week. I think £80 per month is a little on the low side for maintenance then. Regardless of what the little snit has done to the OP's daughter, her husband has to pay for him.
How long has he been paying for his son?

Is she taking you to the CSA because of what has kicked off after what her son has done?

clearingout

Hawthorn wrote: »

Well, we seperated in 2001. He was working then, but I think maybe to do with the changeover from CSA1 to CSA2 it took them a long time to assign a caseworker even. By that time (2004 I think?) he was out of work. I've had a couple of letters saying he owes me xxx amount, but that they can only give me what they receive. To my knowledge he hasn't worked officially since 2004, and appears to be being supported by his partner. That's about all I can tell you really....repeated phone calls to the CSA about it yield nothing new.

Yes, they know he's supporting four children, and they say that the reduction has been made for that. Still awaiting official paperwork regarding all of this.

hopefully the CAB will be able to give us benefits advice.

Thanks again

I think it's probably time to badger the csa about your ex - he may well be back in work, particularly if his motives for not working were around non payment of maintenance which he's managed to get away with so long. Things can change overnight so you never know. The CSA can check with the HMRC whether or not he's paying tax so do ask them to do that if nothing else.

Unfortunately, experience on this forum shows that the csa often don't do anything if you don't pester them - so pester them!

PreludeForTimeFeelers

Hawthorn wrote: »

Prelude yes, some is arrears. Not sure on the balance at the moment since I believe we're waiting on paperwork and they are not the most forthcoming over the phone. I know they said it will take roughly two years to clear the arrears at that rate, which is the longest they are allowed to take if what the guy at CSA says is true.

It sounds as though they've spread the arrears out as much as they can, to allow the full two years repayment. If they date back to September last year then that's ten months of arrears, or about £1100 based on £26 per week.

kevin137

Not ideal, but short term, could your partner not reduce his hours just enough to qualify you for the benefits you need which will make things slightly easier on you financially...?

I don't condone it, and it is not something you should do or want to do long term. But if you could reduce just enough to qualify for housing benefit etc while looking for something that pays better to put you all in a financially better place it may be your only option.

That or try to arrange your partners employment to self employed, so you can do your own accounts and allow for petrol and running costs against tax and the like. That is probably a better idea if possible...

[Deleted User]

Hawthorn wrote: »

it was my husband that was training to be a policeman.

Do you not read? I said we offered £80 a month to them, so it's not a case of not wanting to support. She won't accept a private arrangement.

It probably does gall the sons mother, since we can no longer take him for two weeks at a time whilst they go away on holiday. Please don't try to paint me as the bad guy here, ok? I took this child into my home, I was really fond of him and he broke that trust in a horrible way. That mother by the way, didn't even call to see how my daughter was doing.
There IS a lot of bad feeling there yes....on my side certainly, and more than likely on her side too. But, since my child wasn't the one doing the abusing I would expect her to be a little more gracious.

I also realise technically that it's my husband paying, but since our finances support the whole household and I'm the one who organises the budget......

Prelude yes, some is arrears. Not sure on the balance at the moment since I believe we're waiting on paperwork and they are not the most forthcoming over the phone. I know they said it will take roughly two years to clear the arrears at that rate, which is the longest they are allowed to take if what the guy at CSA says is true.

Anyway, thanks for those who took the time to post useful comments. For those who can only make time to make snide remarks, I hope you never find yourself in a situation like this because it's not all as clear cut as you would like it to be when you are inside that situation. Trust me on that.

Well I was here thinking the son was going to be the Policeman too!

I don't know if it's just me, but you seem to have an answer for everything.

What would you do if you had to support your own children yourself... I understand you have an anxiety disorder, but you didn't state how severe you suffer, is there no way that you can look at work options, I can see that you will only have limited options, but they are options and you can only try...

Your situation is really bad, but I don't think the "how would you like it" posts are relevant. If I were met with that response, I'd be sure to remind you that it's your problem.

As clearingout states, maybe look at your ex, you seem to be only looking at things from your own angle...