Don't seem to be able to save as a couple.

ZsaZsa

You say that your outgoings are the same but does your wife see this the same way? I only ask because my H used to be unable to understand where my money went. But I was in charge of all the birthday cards/ presents/xmas etc for both families ( as far as he was concerned we didnt need to buy presents :mad:), we did the main grocery shop together, but I was the one who did the top up shops in the week, I had to spend more on my work wardrobe, he could wear his scruffs etc etc. Yet if you'd have asked him at the time he'd have said that our outgoings were equal.

MrsRogers

Kantankrus_Mare wrote: »

Mrs Rogers..........are you sure you are not me under an alter ego ?:rotfl:

Thats is exactly how we run our finances.

When we first started out we couldnt afford to have our own "money" but since we have it works perfectly but guess who has money left at the end of the month?

Hee hee .. we couldnt either when we first started out our 'personal allowance was £10 per week' its only recently we have upped to the dizzy heights of £100 and I too am the only one with some allowance left at the end of the month.. "smuggly squirrals away" :T

Kantankrus_Mare

MrsRogers wrote: »

Hee hee .. we couldnt either when we first started out our 'personal allowance was £10 per week' its only recently we have upped to the dizzy heights of £100 and I too am the only one with some allowance left at the end of the month.. "smuggly squirrals away" :T

Yep I love my smugly squirreled away fund :rotfl:

Puts a smile on my face but will eventually used for both our benefits no doubt.

Hoping to pay off the mortgage before it should be paid with mine.

notisis

Same as ZsaZsa - OH spends on Friday nights out and other stuff but I end up topping up extra spends for groceries, birthdays, cards etc, gift wrap, stamps, vet visits and it all adds up. Especially when it seems so small at £2 per card that it is not worth putting on debit card from joint account or only £5.60 for milk, bread etc. But come end of month it all adds up. This may not be the case here but why not find out.

burnoutbabe

thats why you have to be disciplined to put all those sort of things on the joint card, so there is no resentment or mismatch. Just as easy to put it on one card as any other.

I'd sit down and set a savings budget for you each, and that gets saved at start of month, then both can spend the rest as you wish. Save both for house and seperately for say holidays etc. That may well leave you with more free cash than you had before but it would be more equal. Let her explain what she wants to save, see if it fits in with moving out plans.

if its 12 months until you start house hunting (or less if spring) then its about time for a "we have this, we need this, how do we get to it" chat. Ignore the past.

onlyroz

Can't you each allocate an amount of frivolous spending money each month, withdraw that in cash and keep it in a separate purse/wallet? Then, if your wife wants to buy some new beauty product or whatever then the money comes out of this purse. That way it's easy to see how much has been spent and how much is left for the rest of the month - and it might make her think twice about buying something she doesn't actually need.

VfM4meplse

MrsRogers wrote: »

Any ad hoc purchases eg new work shoes, new clothes, dental etc comes out of the joint but we dont take out of the joint without consulting the other and each item has a budget. Eg Il say oh I am desperate for new work shoes we agree £50 I go and buy.

I have a huge problem with this element of the plan - as a grown woman I would seriously object to having anyone else's permission to spend my own earnings!

I've managed my finances well to date on my own, but can see that your 3 point plan would work if there was a shared financial goal. Otherwise I would be tempted to keep finances quite separate and continue to save independently.

January20

BarrelScraper wrote: »

All i'm interested in doing is making day-to-day living as easy as possible for when we move out. We've had plenty of serious discussion about it, but nothing seems to change. In the 5 or so years since she's moved down i think she's had 1 really good month - when we never went out & before she got an iPhone.

This sentence struck me. Are you saying that you want to save all your money and that you and your wife do not got out at all?
If this is the case, and assuming you have no debt, then this is not a life!

I am all for saving for the things you want, and I do realise that for 1st time buyers now, it is much more difficult, but you can't spend your life just saving your money and not having fun. I know it's a cliche, but "what if..."? what if one of you died tomorrow, or had a life changing accident? How important would that house purchase then be?

Reading your post, I would say you wife is not really happy. I agree with you that she spends her money on silly things, from your examples, but for me this is a symptom of not being fulfilled in some way, of not being happy. She has a husband who wants her to save money her money and (in her eyes) moans at her is she doesn't. Is your day to day life fun? It doesn't sound like it is.

You said "She's been living with us for a little more than 5 years". She doesn't live in her own home - even a rented one would be her home rather than living with your family. 5 years is a long time to live in somebody else's house! I house sat a couple of weeks ago - a beautiful house - much better than my home, but I just wanted to go home and was sorely reminded of the difference before "a house" and "a home". You wife may change her habits once she has a "home" of her own.

You have save 30K in 5 years. You don't say how much you earn but unless you are on a high salary, this is a serious amount of savings! Well done, but do you live a little as well? Or do you just save your money and spend your spare time sat at your folks?

hazyjo

At the moment, she has what's almost a bottomless pit. Most of her money is hers to spend. Unless she draws out a set amount each week or month, the cycle will continue.

I am exactly the same. I am a spender. I could quite happily walk into Boots and come out £50 lighter. Makeup, nail stuff, hair stuff, face stuff, body stuff, lashes, deodorants, 2-for-1 deals or whatever... I am a sucker for it. Don't get me started on clothes cos I'm just as bad. And I go out a lot - dinner, drinks, cinema/theatre, etc...

What I have tried to do is draw out £100 at the start of each week. Obviously for some that might be a lot, I've seen people live on a tenth of that on here, but even that is tough for me. (I do buy some food shopping out of that too.) I struggle with it.

I do agree with onlyroz that you should both try living on a generous but fair amount each month.

If she buys stuff online/on card, she deletes that from what she draws out the next month.

Trouble is - you would probably save most of yours whereas she would spend it. So why don't you spend your part of the spending money on taking her out. Doing stuff as a couple, take her on dates. You will both be spending the same each month, but on different things, so you shouldn't feel that urge to save every penny and thinking some things are frivolous or unnecessary.

Both of your attitudes will not change. I think you each need to have a set amount of spending money each month. And spend it! Sorry if not very MSE, but you get one life, you can obviously still afford to save a lot, so enjoy it or she'll start to feel very resentful towards you for never wanting to spend anything.

Jx

minerva_windsong

I think a direct debit into the savings account is the only way - presumably you both get paid monthly? If so set the debit to come out on the same day as you get paid (or if it has to be on a specific date then as close as you can get to the latest date you could be paid). That way the money has gone into the savings account but equally you both have spending money to do with as you please.