Don't seem to be able to save as a couple.

BarrelScraper

As the thread title really - we don't seem to be able to save as a couple.

My wife & I currently earn approx the same amount (wages) per month. I'm probably marginally more at the moment as i'm getting overtime in. Without the overtime we'd be just about even or i'd be slightly under her earnings. In short, +/- a few £10, we're the same.

My monthly income including interest is a bit more than her due to me having more in the bank, but again this would be only an extra £50 or so per month. I appreciate it all adds up.

The thing is, we currently live with my folks & we're putting money aside for when we get our own place, which is scheduled for next year. We have our target set for what we need to save each this year. Aside from when i was signed off work, i'm consistently hitting well above it & she's consistently hitting well below the target (we both have the same amount to hit).

She's been living with us for a little more than 5 years & in that time i've gone from about £5k savings to about £35k savings. In the same timeframe she's gone from about £0 savings to £10k savings ... all while earning approx the same amount each month. About £3.5k of that £10k was thanks to redundancy money.


We both have roughly the same monthly expenditure. I perhaps have a slightly greater amount.

She confesses to loving to spend. I confess to being a tightwad. When i say she spends, i don't mean she goes splashing big time on gucci or prada or anything like that, but it's consistently low items. She goes a bit crazy with the iTunes & Amazon buying - with the apps & kindle. We'd go to town every weekend (which has stopped) & it'd always be some new beauty product to buy & always reasons to justify it all - this Amazon kindle book is cheaper than a normal book, so i'll buy it (forgetting that she'd never buy the normal book anyway). This beauty product is on offer (but you wouldn't normally buy it, or you don't need it). A bad one has been buying things just to try them out & then finding out she doesn't like it - expensive trial. That's happened a lot.

In no way am i trying to "control" her spending (before someone comes with a wild accusation). My point is this - we're supposed to be saving for a house, which is going to require sacrifice. I'd like to buy a new car, i'd like to buy bits for my current car, i'd like to go on more holidays & eat out more ...... but i don't, because i'm saving for a house. This past year i've cut back massively on my car spending so that it's now pretty much just fuel spending.


If she has a big item coming out (a recent one off payment of just over £100 has come out), then she frets & sees the entire month as a disaster & beyond saving, so may as well spend some more ... rather than making the most of it.
"Next month will be better..." is a classic line.

I've tried to help throughout. Suggesting ways she can cut back, pointing out areas that don't need to be spent on, but i just get accused of getting at her, when i'm not.

In short if i say something, i'm getting at her, if i say nothing, it continues anyway.

My worry is that we'll get our house, move out & obviously have bills to manage - but we'll be unable to do so because she'll be spending on various beauty products, apps, kindle books, whatever & then we'll be unable to run the house & be back to square 1. In fact we'll be less than square 1 as we'll have lost money.

All i'm interested in doing is making day-to-day living as easy as possible for when we move out. We've had plenty of serious discussion about it, but nothing seems to change. In the 5 or so years since she's moved down i think she's had 1 really good month - when we never went out & before she got an iPhone.



So i can't win really. I can't talk to her about it any more because "yeah yeah yeah, nag nag nag", so i'm having to use you guys.

What do you do?

& no suggestions of calling time on the relationship either. Other suggestions are welcome.

Sambucus_Nigra

Joint savings account - both put the same in each month as soon as the wages come in. Preferably the same amount as a mortgage plus bills will take.

BitterAndTwisted

Agree on what you're both going to save out of your incomes each month and arrange a standing-order to go into a savings-account for it on pay-day.

Once the disposable income is gone, it's gone until the end of the month.

Taadaa

Maybe she has got a little comfortable with her life as is. Does she need a gentle reminder that it can't last forever and you will be moving out next year? It kinda sounds like she isn't as committed to it as you are. Or possibly she thinks that you should be saving more - some people want their partners to provide for them.

Rather than having a conversation about her spending money on unnecessary items as you see it, maybe you should focus on the why she is doing it. You think you should be saving equal amounts. She doesn't agree with you for some reason. The spending is the outcome, not the cause, if you see what I mean.

[Deleted User]

I was going to say the same as SN, work out how much this house you want to buy will cost to run a month (from estimations), then divide by two. You both by standing order/transfer move that amount per month that in an account which cant be touched.

That way your both saving a set amount at the beginning when you both have the money, not at the end of the month when its spent. Plus you get used to living on the surplus and when you finally get your own place its not such a shock.

VfM4meplse

Try introducing your OH to Martin's demotivator?

thegirlintheattic

If she doesn't want to save as much as you then you can't force her. It seems like you two are incomparable in terms of fiances (that doesn't mean you can't be together). She sees long term goals and problems, you see long term ones. I too would be getting !!!!ed off with my OH saying don't spend this, don't spend that, you've got to save and cut back. It's her money, she can spend it.

In the end she seems happy with how things are. You have to make a decision - either you stay where you are till you've both saved up or you sub her for the house if you really want to stay with here. Bottom line - her financial thinking is unlikely to change when you get your house, none of us can help you with that, you need to decide if you can put up with (and financially) manage her not pulling her weight.

MrsRogers

Hi Op

I can only advise what DH and I do / did. When we first started dating we kept finances seperate. However to save for our wedding and then the house we decided to pool together with 3 rules. This was the only way we could maintain a fair contribution.

1)We have a joint bank account and an individual account each. Salaries get paid into joint and all joint bills come out of that. DH did help me clear a few credit cards I had so we were on a debt free even playing field. (no point saving if outstanding debt).

2)For joint spend that are not on direct debit we have a joint credit card... all petrol, groceries, gifts, meals out etc go onto that so we can monitor daily weekly our spending. This then gets cleared at the end of the month so no interest.

3) on the same date each month we both have an allowance go into our individual account. Ours is £100 this is for each of us to do as we please. DH spends his on snooker / couple of pints out with the lads. Mine goes on my expensive beauty products & craft hobbies etc

Any ad hoc purchases eg new work shoes, new clothes, dental etc comes out of the joint but we dont take out of the joint without consulting the other and each item has a budget. Eg Il say oh I am desperate for new work shoes we agree £50 I go and buy.

It may seem quite strict but it was they only way we could save. It worked for us and we have ... Paid off all debt, got the wedding and honeymoon of our dreams, put a huge deposite on our house, have now got 2 cars

Because it worked so well we have continued and now have a very decent nest egg too.

Good luck and give me a shout if you have any other questions.

Kantankrus_Mare

I sympathise with you but don't have any real tips apart from what has already been said.

A lot of couples have different ideas where spending money is concerned.

I know .........I have been in one of those couples for 24 years.:eek:

Its the other way round for us.

Im not a spender. (for a female) the latest handbag/make up/item of clothing/magazine etc etc doesnt cut it for me.

He on the other hand is of the thinking......"live for today as you could get run over by a bus tomorrow.

Over the years I have saved and tried to keep us out of debt and over the years he has come slightly more ever to my way of thinking but its a long old slog.

You feel like you are pulling in one direction and they are in the other so I really do sympathise.

Good luck in finding a solution.

x

Kantankrus_Mare

Mrs Rogers..........are you sure you are not me under an alter ego ?:rotfl:

Thats is exactly how we run our finances.

When we first started out we couldnt afford to have our own "money" but since we have it works perfectly but guess who has money left at the end of the month?

pawsies

I was going to suggest every time she is tempted to buy something to refrain and put the same amount she'd spend in a jar. That way she can visually see the amount she's saving/not spending?