why are parents who swear at their kids suprised when they hear them swearing.

jellyhead

kafkathecat wrote: »

I think it is really about class. Everyone loves being able to look down on someone.

It's not about class. I wouldn't be living on a council estate if I didn't think I was working class. I don't look down on anyone, I don't think. Certain behaviours are undesirable, but that doesn't mean I think the person is beneath me.

sunshinetours

Class has nothing to do with this and nor does money, its just basic etiquette and manners. Society (i.e all of us) decides what is socially acceptable and what isn't and this does indeed change over time, especially use of language on TV for instance - can't really ever see a time where swearing at children or teaching them to swear is really ever going to be acceptable in general.
There are those that see no problem in not restricting what younger children watch on TV or internet though so I guess its a battle that will always be a struggle

Strapped

jellyhead wrote: »

Not much though, depending on where you live. My 6 year old hasn't heard any yet, but then again he is not very observant and he rarely listens.

My teenager started to swear when he was with his friends at around age 14, but he knows not to do it at home or school. He laughs at the Jeremy Kyle guests who can't make themselves understood because they replace vocabulary with swearing ... they sound so thick!

Strapped I'm not holier than thou - I just don't see any reason to teach swear words to babies. It makes the first few years of school very difficult for them when they are punished for using language that they think is normal, and they struggle to write because they don't know many proper words. These children are ostracised because the teachers tells them off so the other kids avoid them, and the other parents don't want to invite the chavvy kid with the foul mouth to their children's parties.

It's just not fair ... why would anyone choose to give their child such a disadvantage? And before you call me a snob I do actually live on a council estate. We're not snobs.

The thing is, I can't imagine that anyone (although there must be some) would think that swearing at kids is acceptable. So this thread is basically an excuse to go tsk, tsk, isn't it terrible. Which I find amusing. Which makes me just as bad.

jellyhead

Strapped wrote: »

The thing is, I can't imagine that anyone (although there must be some) would think that swearing at kids is acceptable. So this thread is basically an excuse to go tsk, tsk, isn't it terrible. Which I find amusing. Which makes me just as bad.

Some people do think it's acceptable though, and they think that anyone who tuts is just a stuck up cow.

There was a woman on our estate whose language was so bad (and NASTY towards her children) that people used to cross the street if she was walking to school at the same time as them, and hurry their children along so that they wouldn't be exposed to her language.

I got to know her better while she was on a course and she truly believed that swearing was normal for the working class, and that only people such as teacher or social workers would turn their noses up at her for swearing.

weepingtree

lizzie2579 wrote: »

It's so funny I just stumbled across this thread, I have just been listening to my neighbour tell her son to shut the f*ck up and if he didn't she would knock him out and lock him outside...he is 5. I find it actually quite worrying, I have wanted to go over there and ask her what is wrong with her but to be honest...Im scared! I also dont want to make an enemy of her as I have only lived here for 3 weeks.
She swears constantly but the thing I have an issue with is that is is always aimed at her son, I have NEVER heard her speak nicely to him. She always calls him a d*ck head, a kn*b, a ba*ta*d etc and then when I see her in the street she is all sweetness and light?!!
On the odd occasion he isn't crying he will shout something back and then all hell breaks lose and I feel like saying to her, well what do you expect, he has learned this from you, this is how he will communicate and then you will wonder why you have a badly behaved child. It really does drive me mad and upsets me as he is a sweet child from what ive seen.

All I can say from the sound of this is this is so sad and this little boy definately needs some help, the above treatment of a child is simply wrong :mad:

If someone posted on here that there OH was treating them in this way, I am sure most people would be telling them to leave him or get some help of some description,

but we are adults and for the most part have people and agencies we can turn to and the capability of fending for ourselves, this child at 5 ( I don't think ) can't pick up a phone and say please help in fact from what you say its probably all he knows and at this age may think this is normal for him to be treated this way. But we know its not !

So if there is anyway of helping him, please think about it.

Mindless_Clone

weepingtree wrote: »

All I can say from the sound of this is this is so sad and this little boy definately needs some help, the above treatment of a child is simply wrong :mad:

Indeed. I think you'll find that's emotional abuse in any definition. I wouldn't be worrying about neighbourly relations in your shoes; I would be straight on the phone to child protection. Poor child.

madison-nyc

jellyhead wrote: »

Some people do think it's acceptable though, and they think that anyone who tuts is just a stuck up cow.

There was a woman on our estate whose language was so bad (and NASTY towards her children) that people used to cross the street if she was walking to school at the same time as them, and hurry their children along so that they wouldn't be exposed to her language.

I got to know her better while she was on a course and she truly believed that swearing was normal for the working class, and that only people such as teacher or social workers would turn their noses up at her for swearing.

sounds like my neighbour! she has tow kids at home approx 9 and 12 and her language to them is awful! effing and jeffing and the c word too , don;t you effing talk to me after the effing day i've had today etc. this is on her driveway yesterday in front on my two kids (5 and 2) , and she shouts it too , no shame whatsoever?! we live on a nice little new build estate , we only rent as can't afford to buy here , she sticks out like a sore thumb , no one talks to her! i so wanted to tell her to shut her mouth yesterday but she looks the sort that would key my car if i did!!! utterly vile woman!

As for swearing in general , i must confess i do sometimes slip with the sh!! and pi!! words and my 5 year old tells me off! even if she hears swearing she knows full well that children don;t wear and that she'd be in big trouble if she were to swear herself. she's never repeated any swear words (that i know of!)

jellyhead

madison-nyc wrote: »

sounds like my neighbour! she has tow kids at home approx 9 and 12 and her language to them is awful! effing and jeffing and the c word too , don;t you effing talk to me after the effing day i've had today etc. this is on her driveway yesterday in front on my two kids (5 and 2) , and she shouts it too , no shame whatsoever?! we live on a nice little new build estate , we only rent as can't afford to buy here , she sticks out like a sore thumb , no one talks to her! i so wanted to tell her to shut her mouth yesterday but she looks the sort that would key my car if i did!!! utterly vile woman!

As for swearing in general , i must confess i do sometimes slip with the sh!! and pi!! words and my 5 year old tells me off! even if she hears swearing she knows full well that children don;t wear and that she'd be in big trouble if she were to swear herself. she's never repeated any swear words (that i know of!)

Sounds the same, but it can't be her as she has at least 5 children. I'd hate to live next door to someone who talks to her children like that ... mind you it would be worse to be one of her children

claire16c

cheepskate wrote: »

2 people you are not seeing , due to swearing, At this rate you will have no friends.

I always learn my children it doesn't matter what anyone else does-he has his own rules to follow. If he was to start swearing because he heard someone else do it, then I would see that as a problem

victor2 wrote: »

Which is worse, children picking up swearing or poor grammar from their parents? I would like to think it's the former and that most responsible parents make some sort of attempt to set a good example.

It's not even proper English, let alone bad grammar!

'Learn my children'?? I had to read it about 3 times to even make sense of it.

ScarletRaven

lizzie2579 wrote: »

It's so funny I just stumbled across this thread, I have just been listening to my neighbour tell her son to shut the f*ck up and if he didn't she would knock him out and lock him outside...he is 5. I find it actually quite worrying, I have wanted to go over there and ask her what is wrong with her but to be honest...Im scared! I also dont want to make an enemy of her as I have only lived here for 3 weeks.
She swears constantly but the thing I have an issue with is that is is always aimed at her son, I have NEVER heard her speak nicely to him. She always calls him a d*ck head, a kn*b, a ba*ta*d etc and then when I see her in the street she is all sweetness and light?!!
On the odd occasion he isn't crying he will shout something back and then all hell breaks lose and I feel like saying to her, well what do you expect, he has learned this from you, this is how he will communicate and then you will wonder why you have a badly behaved child. It really does drive me mad and upsets me as he is a sweet child from what ive seen.

This sounds exactly like my neighbor. She has two boys, one 5 and one 7 I believe. She yells and screams at them so loudly that she has actually woken me from sleep on numerous occasions while they get ready for school :eek: I seriously think she may be a little 'not right in the head' though on some level (don't mean that to sound so condescending, but hear me out with the way she acts...), as when she gets going she actually has these episodes of pretty much psychotic screaming, to the point sometimes you can't even make out the words anymore as it just becomes very loud, insane screams. This is both in the presence of her children, but mostly directed AT her children, sometimes with swearing as well, sometimes not.

She yells at them so loudly I can hear her ranting pretty much word for word, and if the children dare cry or yell back in response she loses it even more. YOU ARE TEACHING THEM THAT THIS IS NORMAL BEHAVIOUR, YOU SILLY WOMAN. In fact, just 2 days ago, one of her poor sons was crying so badly after being shouted at so much that she yelled at him "Stop f***ing crying! I can't stand it! Stop it now! You sound like a little girl" and then actually went on to mock him in a childish, girly voice with his own words - which of course just made him cry harder. Emotional, verbal abuse at it's worst. She non stopped yelled at him to get ready and get out the house so she could take him to school - as they were leaving she yelled "Have you got a tissue!?" - 'cause of course he was still in tears.

This same woman when in public makes herself look like 'mum of the year' - couldn't be sweeter. I ran into her in the supermarket a couple of months ago and the show she was putting on to look like the perfect mum was laughable - does she seriously think I can't hear her through the walls when she goes on at her kids on an almost daily basis!? My best friend's mum is a childminder and knows of this woman from seeing her outside the local school - she apparently talks to her kids infront of everyone like nothing goes on at home, asking about their day in the sweetest voice, seeming to be like any caring mother, 'come on lets get you home for some dinner' etc. But the minute she gets them home and closes the front door it's like she becomes a different person.

Sorry about the huge post, but this is something that worries me to no end. My own stepson (2 and half) can hear her sometimes on these rants she has, and it makes him jump/takes him by surprise. Sometimes he yells back at the walls (just toddler ramblings) as though he is joining in/telling her off, or will bang a toy on the wall in response, other times he has ran to me or his dad in response to her yelling as he doesn't like it. I am worried too about the effect it could have on him listening to all this noise on a regular basis as well - if I can hear it word for word then so can he.

I have often considered contacting SS about the stuff I hear. Most days from the minute those children get up in the morning she's yelling at them, and the minute they get in from school the yelling starts again. I feel so sorry for these little boys - they must dread the weekends and school holidays because it sounds like almost round-the-clock verbal abuse. I have listened out for her maybe hitting her children, as I did think I'd heard this on one occasion, and everything went quiet afterwards, but I think I may have been mistaken and over-exagerrating it all in my head. Even so, the verbal abuse they go through so often is deeply worrying. I am not worried about her knowing it's me that's reported her if I do decide to do this, but I am worried about those kids. Anyone have any advice on the best way to go about things? Or has anyone been in a similar situation that actually went ahead and got SS involved that can advise me?