Preparedness for when

VJsmum

Bedsit_Bob wrote: »

I'm not aware of anyone, on this thread, blaming the children.

I didn't really mean blame, so much as not help

GreyQueen

maryb wrote: »

So what changed GQ? If they had seen nothing like it since they started teaching in the early 1950s when there was plenty of poverty around? Why did it start happening?

Don't know, maryb, just don't know.

The trouble with being a parent is that it's the most important role on the planet and no one prepares you for it. I guess if you have a bad start yourself, you probably don't know how to give your youngsters a good start in turn.

What can a society do about it? What should be the response of the State, the schools, the neighbours, the wider family? No one likes the idea of intrusion of outsiders into their own family life, but most of us would probably think to ourselves something should be done when we're confronted by horrible examples of neglect and cruelty in other people's families.

Some people aren't adequate to the task. And some people don't care enough to try. You can blame them, sympathise with them, revile them, but their children are suffering just the same.

RAS

There were times when I went hungry as a child; worse my mother would deliberately not eat so she could feed us and try and hide it. In the background was the fact that at one point she had no work, was trying to deal with debts create by her husband and he was giving her about half the amount he was supposed to receive from National Assistance. And at that point the only place she could shop was the local village shop. I questioned her and kept a close eye on her eating after I realised what was going on and nagged her.
Although things were better when they split, we would still have been better off financially if she had not worked; there were no supplementary benefit or tax credits. The killer was 5 week months. We had school dinners and I used to get seconds if it was remotely decent, particularly on Fridays and then eat less over the weekend.
I made sure I never asked for extra and gave some of my portion to the younger ones if they asked. As I pointed out if she went under, we all went under so she had to feed herself enough. This was a woman who could stretch a happenny and refashion clothes that others had given up on but we were basically plain skint a lot of the time. Glad to say it only lasted about 4 years and then finances got a bit easier.

RAS

GreyQueen wrote: »

What can a society do about it? What should be the response of the State, the schools, the neighbours, the wider family? No one likes the idea of intrusion of outsiders into their own family life, but most of us would probably think to ourselves something should be done when we're confronted by horrible examples of neglect and cruelty in other people's families.

Scandinavia often intrudes far more than the UK; they simply say that this is not acceptable and we require you to improve. It does not always work and there is an expectation of conformity that a lot of people find disconcerting.

And sometimes it is very hard for people. I shared with other people and one knew some of the local kids. They were not allowed in the house because of their behaviour. One night however a flatmate found one lad trying to shelter from the dark, cold rain in a thin shirt; locked out of his house.

She brought him in and we asked if he had eaten. He was about to grab the leftovers from our meal when we said "plate, knife and fork, in the kitchen". His brother was severely disabled and had been rushed to hospital and mum had gone too. He was left with sister who threw him out when he played up.

We eventually got him home later that evening. And he became a irregular fixture, when his brother was taken to hospital, when he needed somewhere quiet to do homework, when he needed help understanding his maths.

He went from being a little heathen to being a really nice responsible lad with 3 GCSE grades C and above who wanted to work caring for people with disabilities.

paidinchickens

ras

What a lovely story. I had a rubbish childhood and thought I was doing a neighbour a favour by walking her dogs now as an adult I know she was giving me somewhere to hide.

PiC x

kezlou

Thanks gq I was absolutely petrified when answering they questions but saying that about little dinos I was fuming.
I mean children should be encouraged to play outside.

Thanks fuddle I wasn't here to defend children with or without special needs.
I am by offended by bobs comment, but children grow and mature at various rates. Children in my opinion are going to school far to early. For instance the government requires them to start at 3, they are just babies and many have never been apart from they parents.
I know other children who have accidents at the age of 10 and, only just found out they have ibs or allergies. Nothing to do with parents not being bothered but not knowing they has an allergy.

ds2 has accidents all the time and he's 9, can't be helped they, think his brain and bladder aren't community properly. But guess what they can't fully diagnose till age 13.


Tptb do need to take some responibility in terms of cancelling home ecomivs. Instead its run for 6 weeks for two terms.

I personally can't stand people intruding in my life. I remember fighting my breathy health visitor because I breastfed my eldest. I told them where to shove it.

Regarding diet I can personally say fuddle has done an amazing job with her children they are very polite lovely girls. Her children aren't neglected in any way shape or form. Her daughter is just a picky eater like my youngest.
Sometimes it not the parent but the media playing a huge part in people s lives

RAS

paidinchickens wrote: »

ras

What a lovely story. I had a rubbish childhood and thought I was doing a neighbour a favour by walking her dogs now as an adult I know she was giving me somewhere to hide.

PiC x

PiC, sometime I think that if a child has just one person who shows care, it makes a huge difference.

There is a thread about to be pulled from another forum (because the OP has now got the help needed) where someone is trying to prevent a Rochdale event and finding TPTB slow on the uptake. Although they now seem to have got it.

I am hugely impressed with the Kid's Company. They provide a safe place for young people who are growing up in chaos.

They have realised that many of their children have no experience of kind touch for example. That makes the girls vulnerable to the attentions of anyone who is "nice" to them even if only for a short while. So they got very good manicurists and masseurs in to teach beauty care. The girls then take turn to treat each other. It teaches them how to look after themselves and others, how to be gentle, improves their self esteem and they learn that they are good at something.

They also work with the boys. Camillia described one lad who bounced off the walls who was dared by his mates into allowing a head massage, completed with baseball cap on. Weeks later he relaxed enough to agree to a back massage and then to take his shirt off. The volunteers are trained and this one needed it. The lad's back was a mass of scars. That eventually led to disclosure of severe beatings by his father which explain why he was hypervigilant.

On a light note; two of the things I remember most about the lad I knew are when my flatmate made him and his friend up for trick or treat. They collected a small fortune and came back to split it three ways with her.

The other time is when I taught him some maths he was struggling with and he got a high mark for the home work. The teacher made him do a whole second set in class and he got all bar one right. Once we picked up on some of the small misunderstandings that had not been dealt with at school, his results improved massively.

Ooh and he did let us know that one of his mates had peed our housemate home brew when they had got in the house the previous summer, before he got round to drinking it!

[Deleted User]

craigywv wrote: »

I have a paraffin lamp and was wondering is there anything else I can burn in it safely as the oil is so expensive thanks

You could burn paraffin in it.

greenbee

maryb wrote: »

So what changed GQ? If they had seen nothing like it since they started teaching in the early 1950s when there was plenty of poverty around? Why did it start happening?

One of the things that came up when this was being discussed a while back was the nappy industry - the disposable nappy companies want people to keep using nappies as long as possible, and so make them available in larger and larger sizes.

And disposable nappies are easy (mind you, even washables are easier than they used to be). I'm betting that kids were toilet trained as soon as possible when nappies had to be hand washed...

GreyQueen

Oh yeah!

Funnily enough, the subject of ordinary terry cloth nappies came up between Mum and me in convo the other day. She had us two in the 1960s and it was terry cloth squares, with a muslin overpant and plastic pants over that. When an "event" was anticipated, she'd line the nappy with a Kleenex and then it'd be flushed straight down the loo.

We were also talking about mangles. Mum had to use them at her family home before marriage. It was proper laundry - boiling stuff in the copper and mangling.

I asked her how it worked; how could you mangle something with buttons without breaking them, for example? She told me that the roller-gap was adjustable and you used to fold shirts up so that the buttons were padded by the cloth and, with the roller width set right, you could still mangle.

Sheets used to be folded and mangled, too. I asked if it wasn't a right nuisance to keep adjusting the width between the rollers and she said she didn't bother fiddling with it, it was easier to keep it as a constant and fold the cloth to the right thickness.

She also had probs with my kid brother being slow to toilet-train and the GP gave her some useful advice; don't keep changing him as soon as the nappy is soiled. If you make him too comfortable, he'll not see the reason to change over to the potty. Although it went against the grain, she tried it and it worked.

When my parents married, Mum was so adamant about mangles that she refused to have one in the house. It was spin-driers for her.

I suspect most of us of middle-age have experience of spin-driers, but I'd like to mention them for those who've never used them. They're still around and they are a lot smaller than a washing machine and, although they do require electricity, they are a useful adjunct to home laundry.

Mum still uses her's and wouldn't get rif of it. It's useful for washing things which don't enjoy stronger spins. She uses it to rinse and spin off woollen handkinits and homemade woollen socks after handwashing.

I have spent many a long hour using a spindrier in my young day. There are worse things you could be doing with your time.

Speaking of spending my time, I really must do the dishes.