I need to change my life, but where do I start?

marisco_2

I get the impression there are two big things causing you real stress and anxiety. Trying to cope with these is stopping you from being able to think things through calmly and precisely. Leaving you unable to see the wood for the trees if you like.

You seem overwhelmed by repsonsibility with a stressful job that you fear isn't secure, paying a big mortgage, financially supporting your mum, feeling like at the end of the month you have nothing left for any luxuries. As if all this isn't enough to work through you advise us that there is underlying pressure to have a family in a few years time, thus adding to a feeling of not having time to get on your feet and enjoy life just for you.

Add to this lot trying to cope with loosing your hearing and the impact this has had on you interacting with others it is no wonder you feel lost.

So can you look at applying for jobs that might give you more security and less stress?

Can you and your husband contact your mortgage company and look at adjusting your payments by extending your loan period for now?

Have you done an SOA (statement of affairs) and looked really thoroughly at trying to reduce your outgoings. You might discover that there are many areas where you can reduce your expenses, thus giving you more disposable income and allowing you to enjoy yourself every now and then and maybe build up a savings pot.

It is admirable that you help your mum but are there ways that she could help herself, such as looking into whether she is claiming all she could be entitled to? Also that her budget is as healthy as it can be and finding areas where she could reduce her outgoings.

Have you tried speaking with your gp again to find out from him/her if there is any alternative that you could use to improve your hearing? You could also ask to be referred for counselling if you think this may help you adjust to the loss of your hearing.

Loosing weight doesn't have to cost loads through gym memberships and the like. If it would make you feel better to slowly get back in shape then take yourself off for long walks, go swimming, eat a healthy varied diet. Get plenty of rest as well.

Lastly talk through with your husband how you feel at the moment about starting a family and that you might want more time to enjoy life just the two of you. I wouldn't even contemplate parenthood until you are happy with your life. Having a baby is life changing and wonderful but brings with it alot of stress, pressure and responsibilty. Do it only when you are completely ready to is my advice.

Millie2008_2

Thanks Millie,
I'll try GP and see what she will say.

In just saying that, you have made the first step to changing You don't have to do anything huge, overnight. Just take baby steps!

amalis

Marisco, my husband thinks that change is life that I need is exactly having a baby He says this will give me a direction and meaning in life which I dont have now. I am not too sure about it. He wanted a baby much earlier and my"deadline" is already a result of a compromise.

amalis

I just wanted to say that I am very grateful to all you who answered. I consider each your post and there are lots of things to think about.
Your posts help me so much!
I might even try hearing aids again tomorrow :-)

gonzo127

why not try them tonight? just around the house and get used to them?

ognum

amalis wrote: »

I just wanted to say that I am very grateful to all you who answered. I consider each your post and there are lots of things to think about.
Your posts help me so much!
I might even try hearing aids again tomorrow :-)

It would be wonderful if you persevered and did manage your hearing aids, please update to let us know.

Wilma33

Regarding the hearing aids, could you change your hairstyle to help disguise them better if it gave you more confidence? Most 30 year old females have long hair covering their ears so it shouldn't need to be obvious that you are wearing them, however large they are.

lovesabargain123

amalis wrote: »

Yes, my hearing (and related self esteem) is a big problem. I am supposed to have hearing aids, but I don't wear them. I just can't. Due to the level of hearing loss I have to wear the huge ones, small discreet one would not help. But I am just 30 I cant be having that.! I haven't told anyone at work about it and I so suffer.

I haven't read past this post so forgive me if I'm repeating!

When did you last see an audiologist? Hearing aids are improving all the time with the latest technology and bigger doesn't mean better ( as in more hearing loss)

Why can't you be having it? I'm sorry I just don't understand , you have a problem , there is something to help with that problem yet you won't use it?

Also is your loss a general loss or certain frequencies ?

dancingfairy

Why does your mum need help financially? Can you afford to support her financially and emotionally? Is it causing rifts in your relationship? Is there a particular reason why she needs your money - is it disability or did she borrow debts in her name for you when you needed some money? I am assuming that there may be some debts floating around - perhaps you can support her by helping make sure she gets help and support from CCCS or National Debtline or her local CAB. I'm all for helping your mum but it sounds like it is causing you stress.
The other thing that struck me was - what do you want? Career wise? house wise? relationship wise. Yes o.k you have to compromise sometimes but it sounds almost like you feel everything is outside your control at the moment and are compromising so much that you are not getting anything that you want/that makes you happy. Even if it's just small things - maybe a bit of time to yourself? df

Savvy_Sue

amalis wrote: »

Yes, my hearing (and related self esteem) is a big problem. I am supposed to have hearing aids, but I don't wear them. I just can't. Due to the level of hearing loss I have to wear the huge ones, small discreet one would not help. But I am just 30 I cant be having that.! I haven't told anyone at work about it and I so suffer.
I am used to be a popular girl, but now I am someone who is not getting invited to any social occasions because I don't communicate with people. I am also missing on work gossips and what is going on around me.

Lipreading classes are your new best friend. They're not the complete answer, and you may be the youngest one there, but you WILL get a lot of support and realise that you are not alone!

ognum wrote: »

What do you think will happen if you finally admit to this, Iam pretty sure all your colleagues know and are to embarrassed to talk about it to you!

Indeed, one of my friends from lipreading said she was sure half her colleagues knew she was deaf and were doing their best to help, but until she 'came out' at work she wasn't going to get all the help she needed.

gonzo127 wrote: »

can i ask why you cant be having it?

do you judge people on if they have big hearing aids?

how about a white cain because they are blind? do you judge them?

if not why do you think others will judge you on your hearing aids?

There's a gaggle of us here, if you wanted to ask anything, and a very good audiologist to boot.