Relationship/sex advice

candygirl

http://www.sda.uk.net/testosterone:D

Lotus-eater

It could be a number of things, but my bet is on incompatability. You and him.

Do you want to get married to someone you aren't happy with?
You can never really change someone, IF and it's a big if, he needs something fixing, or more confidence, or any of the other things that have been suggested, it could work.
Otherwise, he is, as he is. People with a low sex drive/low interest in taking it beyond the missionary position, just don't get what the fuss is all about and never will.

You mentioned 50 shades, if you've read it and it's your thing, why don't you try giving him the book, winking and saying "this might give you some ideas"
Then give him the king sized rabbit (can you get king sized rabbits?) and describe in filthy detail, what you want him to do with it.

If that doesn't work....... then you need to find someone else. Sorry.

ukjoel

You say your a big girl - how big.

Not saying size is an issue before anyone jumps on top of me but maybe he just doesnt know how to handle you. Every girl is different and some guys find it hard to make the crossover.

You mention the words sex and cuddles - it doesnt sound like it was ever wild and rampant.

Also you mention you have teenagers and he is 35. If the teenagers live at home maybe he is put off by them being on the other side of a thin wall and hearing mum screaming her head off in passion. Could be awkward for him at breakfast if he is shy.

Your threatening to run off with shades of grey and a rabbit. Why dont you just get the rabbit out in front of him and start playing with yourself. Maybe he is more of a watcher and that will get him started. And if it doesnt who cares - just got to hope the batteries dont run out.

Dont compare him with blokes from your past - if they were that good then they wouldnt be from your past.

Try one of those adult games when your away to try and force him into dipping a toe in the water. If all else fails and your still really horny I am sure there will be large numbers of posters offering to help along in a moment.

Lotus-eater

ukjoel wrote: »

You say your a big girl - how big.

Not saying size is an issue before anyone jumps on top of me but maybe he just doesnt know how to handle you. Every girl is different and some guys find it hard to make the crossover.

She did say she was 2 stone less than when they met though, so unless he only like very big girls and now she's too small for him, (doesn't sound like it) she's changing and he isn't
She's growing in confidence and I suspect now realises she got with this man because he was safe. Now she wants more.

raven83

I think to be honest you are more likely to be incompatible, you say that you never had lots of sex with him, maybe your libido is just far higher. I like the idea of getting your rabbit out and using it in front of him, as like said before he may be a watcher, and lets face it, what man that claims to still fancy you, wouldn't get hard as a rock watching and wouldn't be able to hold themselves back! If that then fails then i suggest you really need to talk and tell him how you feel, because otherwise your frustration will turn to resentment. Just out of interest, i wonder how he would feel if you had sex with someone else?

carolannie

Thank you for all the replies. I think they all make sense to me.
He likes me cuddling him and touching him. I think he is just not sure what to do to me. He did say last night, he is scared of being rubbish. I blame his ex who was horrible to him :mad:

I'd never cheat and would rather have him as he is, than go off with someone else.

The rabbit trick is definitely going to be tried out soon. I'll see what he makes of that!

I think i need to be firm with him and make him come out with me next time. Weird thing is, he has a job in security and is able to handle himself. And he is stressed from work and tired. I feel a bit bad now, for having a moan about him getting it on. But i don't say bad things to him. it just built up and i told him how i feel,

The advice has been great, thank you all!

hope some sexy underwear and the rabbit trick work!

irishjohn

Maybe he was after a substitute mum rather than a lover?

Hovel_lady

Are kaylee* and carolannie the same person? :think:

Barneysmom

I'd say back up a bit on the sex, it sounds to me like he might feel quite daunted now?
Do the month of no sex, just purely massages and cuddles and nothing else, start all over again and build up gradually xx

Go get that rabbit too

EchoLocation

carolannie wrote: »

The rabbit trick is definitely going to be tried out soon. I'll see what he makes of that!

Good idea if he's worried about his performance, but PLEASE make sure that any toy you whip out is not only smaller than 'him' (you don't want to give him a complex!), but leave him in no doubt that it is to be used ON YOU!

From what you've described of him, could he be one of those men that can't reconcile love and sex? It may be a stereotype, but ultimately a true one, that most women cannot separate sex and love; but conversely there are a lot of men that see the two very separately and maybe, in an odd sort of way, it's because he loves you that he can't deal with the sex in an emotional way?