make do and mend for tougher times

Possession

Byatt wrote: »

When I was in junior school, 2 of my classmates (twins) were murdered by their father along with other members of the family. I remember as a school (very small village school) we all went to the church, I thought it was going to be the funeral and was terrified, but of course it wasn't, it must have been a memorial service. Not sure what would happen now, but there was no preparation, no talking about it and certainly no counselling. It was a small village and inundated with the media.

I think about it now and then, but don't know if it affected me long term, I know that probably sounds odd, but we kind of had to get on with it, so I suppose we did. I wonder how it would have been handled today.

Unfortunately I can tell you what happens now as that's a very similar story. My DD's friend was killed by her mother who then killed herself. It was a total shock to everyone but she had apparently been very depressed for a while. I remember very vividly finding out, and telling my DD (some of it), and I'm sure I will never ever forget. I didn't take DD to the funeral (she was only 6 last year) and I'm glad of it, but some children went and volunteers from the choir at the school sang there at the request of the grandfather. It was a joint funeral. It still makes me cry to think about her, she was such a smiley happy child, but DD seems mercifully unscathed and she has had no counselling. After taking advice the head decided against bringing counsellors into the school but we were given numbers to call if we needed them.

Evie74_2

Thank you Quintwins - we have a Savers nearby so I will pop in on my day off and have a look.

Evie xx

kidcat

Can I ask, if someone has to move as a result of the bedroom tax, then who will have to pay the expenses? Realistically having moved twice in last few years I can vividly remember the expense, from packing tape to curtain rails, vans to gas fitters. We didnt use a "proper" company, hiring a man with a van type crew, using our car and my parents and friends too, it took days and was so expensive. Surely if you are moving as you cant afford the rent then the costs will be too high also.
Its all so difficult to see the logic.

Kittie - we are growing some charlottes too, mainly as I had some that sprouted in the cupboard, the rest are king edwards I think.

We are also growing onions and garlic, can I ask how will I know they are ready?

Evie74_2

Possession - the death at my DD's school was something along the same lines. My DD was not a close friend of the child concerned, but they were in the same year. I broke the news to DD at home (I had seen the news on TV and it was a weekend) rather than having her find out at school. DD's school did bring in advisors from the LA and they had counselling in their classes and the opportunity to talk about the child/ask questions about what had happened; perhaps the school felt it necessary because of the shocking and horrible cirumstances. Further counselling was also offered but it wasn't necessary for DD to take up the offer.

None of the children from school attended the funeral, as far as I know, but there was a special assembly at the school and later a tree was planted in the child's memory. DD occasionally mentions what happened, but luckily does not seem to have been negatively affected long term.

Kidcat - I hope that your DS can come to terms with what has happened without too much trauma.

Evie xx

stiltwalker

kidcat wrote: »

Popperwell - When everyone at school during the winter I will sit under a duvet rather than switch on heating. When they are not at school though house has to be warm for DS8, he has massive sensory issues so cannot function in cold. I consider a chunk of his DLA to be used to cover that though as we keep the house much warmer for longer than the average family. In fact when kids are here in the winter its not uncommon for me to be too hot!

Hope you're feeling better soon and surely it must be time for your family's luck to take a turn for the better. I certainly know the feeling about the heating situation. As DD (and now DS) are both still crawling in their own inimitable half 4 point -half commando style, I can't bundle them up too much or the poor little s0ds wouldn't be able to move! It's also nigh on impossible to keep DD covered up at night as she moves about so much so we end up having the heating on 24 hours albeit slightly cooler at night, I've even had to have it on a few times over the so-called summer! So definitely use a chunk of her DLA towards this.

I'm jiggered tonight as they went to a party at one of those indoor play places today. DD had no chance doing it on her own so I had to do all the climbing round and half helping, half hoiking her up and down all over the place! Was worth it as she absolutely loved it, but she was so tired on the way back she was almost vacant in her car seat!

OH back to work tomorrow so just planning on a quiet day for me and the kids.

Byatt

Possession wrote: »

Unfortunately I can tell you what happens now as that's a very similar story. My DD's friend was killed by her mother who then killed herself. It was a total shock to everyone but she had apparently been very depressed for a while. I remember very vividly finding out, and telling my DD (some of it), and I'm sure I will never ever forget. I didn't take DD to the funeral (she was only 6 last year) and I'm glad of it, but some children went and volunteers from the choir at the school sang there at the request of the grandfather. It was a joint funeral. It still makes me cry to think about her, she was such a smiley happy child, but DD seems mercifully unscathed and she has had no counselling. After taking advice the head decided against bringing counsellors into the school but we were given numbers to call if we needed them.

Possession, I am so sorry, how awful for everyone. I was 10 yrs, and the children were probably 9 as they were in a class below me, but as a very small school everyone knew everyone else. It still stays in my mind, some things are very clear, but I don't feel "damaged" by it, and maybe that's because it was dealt with so matter of factly. But I always remember the two girls and the stories about it, they were stunning looking girls, identical. So, I think the head was right on this occasion, and I am hopeful your daughter and others will fine.

Possession

Evie74 wrote: »

Possession - the death at my DD's school was something along the same lines. My DD was not a close friend of the child concerned, but they were in the same year. I broke the news to DD at home (I had seen the news on TV and it was a weekend) rather than having her find out at school. DD's school did bring in advisors from the LA and they had counselling in their classes and the opportunity to talk about the child/ask questions about what had happened; perhaps the school felt it necessary because of the shocking and horrible cirumstances. Further counselling was also offered but it wasn't necessary for DD to take up the offer.

None of the children from school attended the funeral, as far as I know, but there was a special assembly at the school and later a tree was planted in the child's memory. DD occasionally mentions what happened, but luckily does not seem to have been negatively affected long term.

Kidcat - I hope that your DS can come to terms with what has happened without too much trauma.

Evie xx

Our school also planted a tree Evie, and they mentioned her (and her mum) in prayers a lot but didn't do anything for the year anniversary - they were lucky it fell in the holidays.
We didn't tell DD what actually happened but we felt we had to tell her some in case elder children at the school talked about it. A friend who is a child counsellor told us to make sure she understood that her friend's mum was very ill in her thoughts, and that it wasn't catching and nobody else was going to become ill like that. So we did that, and tried to answer any questions as honestly as possible.

Evie74_2

kidcat wrote: »

Can I ask, if someone has to move as a result of the bedroom tax, then who will have to pay the expenses? Realistically having moved twice in last few years I can vividly remember the expense, from packing tape to curtain rails, vans to gas fitters. We didnt use a "proper" company, hiring a man with a van type crew, using our car and my parents and friends too, it took days and was so expensive. Surely if you are moving as you cant afford the rent then the costs will be too high also.
Its all so difficult to see the logic.

I strongly suspect that that sort of question won't have been given any consideration at all by the people who dreamed up the tax; the whole thing seems to have been created on the back of the proverbial fag packet without any thought being given to the practicalities of applying it to actual people living real lives! It'd be funny if it weren't so darn depressing.

Evie xx

PS Not sure why the quote thing isn't working properly...

Popperwell

So as it's school holidays...If you have children, do you all make your own entertainment. Stay indoors and watch tv, play board games, go on the PC, out in the garden, are allowed to play out as we always seemed to be able to or in these austere times is anyone able to actually go on trips, picnics or have treats? Help bake in the kitchen, go to the cinema, watch DVD's?

Those working parents, does it mean tryting to find friends o r family to look after them?

What do we do these days...I am ignorant to some extent because I don't have children or have any neices or nephews.

I am sure Kidcat that the people who leave are expected to pick up the tabs on the cost of moving...:(:mad: If I can find the link I posted again the information and tables are complicated but on many of their ideas they admit they are unsure what will happen. It's a case of lets do it and see what happens...

Evie go back into your post and on the final quote put this in front [/

Hopefully that will correct the error...

Possession

Byatt wrote: »

Possession, I am so sorry, how awful for everyone. I was 10 yrs, and the children were probably 9 as they were in a class below me, but as a very small school everyone knew everyone else. It still stays in my mind, some things are very clear, but I don't feel "damaged" by it, and maybe that's because it was dealt with so matter of factly. But I always remember the two girls and the stories about it, they were stunning looking girls, identical. So, I think the head was right on this occasion, and I am hopeful your daughter and others will fine.

Thanks Byatt. I think this is one of those things you will always remember, like where you were when you heard Kennedy was shot, or that Diana had died (I was in Mr T). Some things just seem imprinted on your brain, but that doesn't mean you can't cope with it.

Pops - we will have some trips out as i exchanged clubcard vouchers when they were 5 times the value for days out, and we will take a picnic. But I work from home so the kids will have to do a certain amount of watching TV/amusing themselves while i work. I'd like them to go to a holiday club for a week or two but with DH out of work we can't afford it.