make do and mend for tougher times

Possession

Evie74 wrote: »

Possession - Unfortunately we had to tell DD what had actually happened - it was all over the school in any event. I was rather shocked by how much detail some of the children knew - either from the TV or from overhearing their parents I suppose.

The world is a depressing place sometimes

Evie xx

We still don't know what actually happened to DD's friend - the inquest was inconclusive. I hold on to the very real possibility she didn't know what was happening.
DS is older and he repeated some rather wild theories that were circulating, but not in front of DD so if she did hear otherwise she didn't say so. She was sad for a while, and another very good friend leaving recently kind of brought it all back, but in general she is absolutely fine.
Kidcat your son obviously has other issues so I do hope school help to find the best way for him to cope.

bossymoo

fuddle wrote: »

I lost my best friend at the age of 11, a year after I lost my dad. It wasn't in horrible circumstances but natural causes that came out of nowhere. If you ignore the panic attacks and the anxiety I have now, because that's down to many, many things that have happened since childhood and probably about losing the security of my dad.... but ignoring all that I am typing this to tell you all with little ones that having been through loss as a child I coped. Being a child, somehow, helps with the grieving process. I can't explain why. I just wanted to support you with little ones and put my hand in the air to tell you that I'm alright.

Watching Countryfile as I type this. It's all very upsetting the talk of GM crops and dwindling food stocks.

(hugs) that's reassuring, I do worry about te long term effects on my two little ones, they certainly don't go short on love, but am sure they will feel the loss nonetheless

Popperwell wrote: »

So as it's school holidays...If you have children, do you all make your own entertainment. Stay indoors and watch tv, play board games, go on the PC, out in the garden, are allowed to play out as we always seemed to be able to or in these austere times is anyone able to actually go on trips, picnics or have treats? Help bake in the kitchen, go to the cinema, watch DVD's?

Those working parents, does it mean tryting to find friends o r family to look after them?

What do we do these days...I am ignorant to some extent because I don't have children or have any neices or nephews....

pops my two are still at private day nursery, not old enough for school yet, but my MIL retired when my husband was diagnosed terminal, she wants to be there for me whenever, so if they are poorly, I can still work, and when they go to school she will take care of holidays, I'm very lucky to have fabby inlaws, but not everyone has someone nearby. Some cities and towns have out of school hours clubs, our nursery runs one. But not everyone is that lucky...

becca-2012 wrote: »

Hello. I have never posted here before but have been reading the thread for about 8 months. I can never completely keep up! Would it be ok to join you?

I split up from my ex about 4 months ago and really need to sort out my life. I have two little ones and luckily they seem to be coping well. Thank you for all the tips I have stolen over the months and sorry for not join in before.

Welcome!
X

SDG31000

Possession wrote: »

Unfortunately I can tell you what happens now as that's a very similar story. My DD's friend was killed by her mother who then killed herself. It was a total shock to everyone but she had apparently been very depressed for a while. I remember very vividly finding out, and telling my DD (some of it), and I'm sure I will never ever forget. I didn't take DD to the funeral (she was only 6 last year) and I'm glad of it, but some children went and volunteers from the choir at the school sang there at the request of the grandfather. It was a joint funeral. It still makes me cry to think about her, she was such a smiley happy child, but DD seems mercifully unscathed and she has had no counselling. After taking advice the head decided against bringing counsellors into the school but we were given numbers to call if we needed them.

I have to say that this has made me cry as it brings back terrible memories of how ill I was with PND after I had my boys. DS1 I wanted to place in a bathful of water when he was 6 days old, just so he would be quiet and the thoughts running through my head would stop. I could just see him in my mind under the water and he looked so quiet and peaceful. It scared me and DH so much. I just screamed at DH to get DS1 away from me and he phoned his Mom who drove 100 miles, turned up at 7am and just took him away from me and sent me back to bed. I was fine after a few days and ok until he was 14 months old and the depression hit again full force.
With DS2 I thought the hospital had switched babies on me and very calmly asked the midwife to bring my baby back. Queue two other midwives turning up at the bed and me getting very irrate with them as they refused to take this imposter baby away and bring mine back. After they realised what was going on, they took DS2 away, told me that my baby was asleep in the nursery and fine and to get some sleep. They kept DS2 at the desk all night with someone with him all the time in case I tried anything else. The next day they brought him back and it was like it never happened. When we went home I had a visit from a midwife every day for two weeks who insisted on stripping DS2 off completely and checking him all over. It was a few years later that I worked out that they were checking for signs that I was hurting him. DS2 was 8 months old when my depression hit again that time and it was so much worse than after DS1. DH was going to work and taking all the knives with him as I wanted to slit my wrists. I had no family or friends to help. I had a volunteer come one afternoon a week to help, but that was all the help I was offered/able to get. The Drs just gave me pills and told me if I wanted counselling that I would have to arrange it myself, on the other side of the city centre, with no transport and no one to look after the boys. Thank goodness treatment and help for women with PND has improved so much in the past 13 years. I just wish the help had been available when my family and I needed it so desparately.
Sorry for this outpouring, but I can understand how that poor woman thought it was the only way out.

Byatt

kidcat wrote: »

becca - welcome, quick settle in before GQ has you brewing tea for everyone. Although I have leftover cake if anyone fancies some

DS knows all the details, hard not to in a small town with it splashed all over the papers. What the papers havent reported Facebook has covered the rest.

Our kids finish school this week, so I am planning some trips, have found a little bit of money I had forgotten about and am considering taking kids away for a few days even though OH wont be able to go as he has no summer holidays booked. My parents are not happy with the idea but I quite fancy the idea of travelling without OH - I think it may be less stressful.

Go for it Kidcat, and s*d what anyone thinks. It will be less stressful, and you will have fun. I highly recommend it.

Byatt

sdg31000 wrote: »

i have to say that this has made me cry as it brings back terrible memories of how ill i was with pnd after i had my boys. Ds1 i wanted to place in a bathful of water when he was 6 days old, just so he would be quiet and the thoughts running through my head would stop. I could just see him in my mind under the water and he looked so quiet and peaceful. It scared me and dh so much. I just screamed at dh to get ds1 away from me and he phoned his mom who drove 100 miles, turned up at 7am and just took him away from me and sent me back to bed. I was fine after a few days and ok until he was 14 months old and the depression hit again full force.
With ds2 i thought the hospital had switched babies on me and very calmly asked the midwife to bring my baby back. Queue two other midwives turning up at the bed and me getting very irrate with them as they refused to take this imposter baby away and bring mine back. After they realised what was going on, they took ds2 away, told me that my baby was asleep in the nursery and fine and to get some sleep. They kept ds2 at the desk all night with someone with him all the time in case i tried anything else. The next day they brought him back and it was like it never happened. When we went home i had a visit from a midwife every day for two weeks who insisted on stripping ds2 off completely and checking him all over. It was a few years later that i worked out that they were checking for signs that i was hurting him. Ds2 was 8 months old when my depression hit again that time and it was so much worse than after ds1. Dh was going to work and taking all the knives with him as i wanted to slit my wrists. I had no family or friends to help. I had a volunteer come one afternoon a week to help, but that was all the help i was offered/able to get. The drs just gave me pills and told me if i wanted counselling that i would have to arrange it myself, on the other side of the city centre, with no transport and no one to look after the boys. Thank goodness treatment and help for women with pnd has improved so much in the past 13 years. I just wish the help had been available when my family and i needed it so desparately.
Sorry for this outpouring, but i can understand how that poor woman thought it was the only way out.

(((((((((sdg))))))))

kidcat

Thanks Byatt

SDG - (((hugs))) I worked with a woman whose sister drowned her children as result of PND, it terrified me as I was just pregnant and I remember worrying about what I would do.

Possession

kidcat wrote: »

becca - welcome, quick settle in before GQ has you brewing tea for everyone. Although I have leftover cake if anyone fancies some

DS knows all the details, hard not to in a small town with it splashed all over the papers. What the papers havent reported Facebook has covered the rest.

Our kids finish school this week, so I am planning some trips, have found a little bit of money I had forgotten about and am considering taking kids away for a few days even though OH wont be able to go as he has no summer holidays booked. My parents are not happy with the idea but I quite fancy the idea of travelling without OH - I think it may be less stressful.

If you're comfortable with the idea, I think it will be great for you to get away.
Of course with your DS being older it will have been impossible to hide anything. With DD being only 6 I hid any free papers that came and obviously she's not on Facebook. I was caught out once with the BBC news but I was standing in front of the TV with the remote in my hand and managed to switch it in time.

Possession

Oh SDG you poor poor thing. (((hugs)))

Rainy-Days

kidcat wrote: »

Thanks Byatt

SDG - (((hugs))) I worked with a woman whose sister drowned her children as result of PND, it terrified me as I was just pregnant and I remember worrying about what I would do.

Good Lord - PND is one of those areas which doesn't have a huge input with regard to medical science (funding is also a big issue as well) and psychological counselling is very sporadic indeed. When my firiend had her daughter (my God Daughter) 15 years ago the GP handed out Valium to her, she only said she was feeling quite low when she went to see him. I remember this well, I was still studying my post grad degree in psychology and I went berserk. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to take them, but luckily through the uni I was at we were able to get her direct help, but linked it through a research and study programme and she came through it okay. Too many times GP's hand out drugs like sweeties and it's no way the be all and end all of it. Pills are not the be all cure all that they claim to be.

Kittikins

(((sdg31000)))