make do and mend for tougher times

katieowl_2

I think (unfortunately) the answer to that Fuddle has to be that they have it drummed into them that they never go anywhere alone. When my DD's were those sorts of ages, it was out in a group, and lots of stay overs ensured so they went from place to place together. Even when you are 'grown up' you don't really want to be going anywhere alone at night...

Kate

fuddle

That's true, I don't go out walking alone at night. I used to mind, I used to go into town at 18 and get the bus home alone, walk through my village alone at gone 11 at night. When I think back at the risks I cringe.

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE - We do everything we can to teach them common sense and how to stay safe, we give them standards to live by and keep them as close as we can for as long as we can but we can't keep them from growing up and having a life of their own. What we can do is lessen the risks by having safety rules and strategic plans for certain situations in place as young as you can without making them scared of everything. I didn't let my girls out on their own in the evening until they were into their teens and even then we had to deliver them and know where they were and who they were with and we expected to collect them afterwards. It led to some fairly frank exchanges of opinion as you can imagine but it was our responsibility to make sure they were safe, it was not necessarily well recieved at all times, as you can understand, but we made it part of the rules and they came to understand why and accept. I hope that it will make them better parents if they ever have families, it's easy to give in but better if you don't! I certainly would not have allowed them outside to play in the evenings without adult supervision even in the extremely safe close we lived in. Cheers Lyn xxx.

savingqueen

maryb wrote: »

Watch this and howl with laughter and recognition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

maryb - thank you so much for that - hilarious and so true. Kids have watched a few of the others with me just now and we've all been roaring with laughter.

About to send one on to DH at work - the one with the cat trying to attract the owner to the door. Our old cat (as a child) use to jump up and rattle the door handle of an internal closed door until she got it open. We have been keeping our cats in at night now its colder (and have no catflap due to french doors) and sitting room is only one with a proper door downstairs - so cats plus their blankets, food, water and cat loo get shut in there otherwise Master F climbs into one of bunk beds and wakes the relevant sleeping child. Anyway long ramble, boys have said 2/3 times Master F has woken them up, nonsense says DH, you must have let them in - but I knew the cats could open the door. Yesterday DH ate humble pie when he saw for himself!

whilst I type this DS2 is going round in circles on the floor pretending to be a dog chasing its own tail

sq:)

savingqueen

[QUOTE=MrsLurcherwalker;56300479]FUDDLE - We do everything we can to teach them common sense and how to stay safe, we give them standards to live by and keep them as close as we can for as long as we can but we can't keep them from growing up and having a life of their own. What we can do is lessen the risks by having safety rules and strategic plans for certain situations in place as young as you can without making them scared of everything. I didn't let my girls out on their own in the evening until they were into their teens and even then we had to deliver them and know where they were and who they were with and we expected to collect them afterwards. It led to some fairly frank exchanges of opinion as you can imagine but it was our responsibility to make sure they were safe, it was not necessarily well recieved at all times, as you can understand, but we made it part of the rules and they came to understand why and accept. I hope that it will make them better parents if they ever have families, it's easy to give in but better if you don't! I certainly would not have allowed them outside to play in the evenings without adult supervision even in the extremely safe close we lived in. Cheers Lyn xxx.[/QUOTE]

great post
sq:)

Byatt

My abuse happened within the extended family. So, no, you can't protect children all the time.

I don't have any choice about going out alone, so I'm scuppered then, but whilst I take precautions I don't intend to live in fear.

for me the worst thing is not a 5 year old playing with her friends in the evening, but the fact that it's considered so unsafe to do so.

I always took precautions where my DD was concerned. The first time she went to the corner shop, literally on the corner, I was watching her the whole way from the bedroom window, until she entered the house again, where I was sitting down looking as relaxed as could be. There were always rules, the standard ones, I was hyper alert for dangers but didn't want to transfer that to her. It's a fine balance.

If you are going to protect you have to be suspicious of everyone. And I mean everyone. But your child can't live in fear. There's no simple answer but I think "blaming" a family for letting their child play of an evening is wrong. If it was this man, then he probably has "groomed" her for some time. She is a vulnerable child and he would have used that.

Incidentally, in my teens (16) I was walking to night school and work through some dodgy areas, often at night (late hours at work). Used lots of shortcuts mainly to avoid the drive by perverts stopping their cars and calling me over or inviting me into the pub.

I can honestly say I would much prefer to live today then say in the period before policing, can't recall the period. But there was a very enlightening tv series not so long ago.

tryingtobethrifty

I looked in to this a couple of months ago when trying to explain to my kids about 'stranger danger' and came up with this website http://safelyeverafter.com/tenrules.html

It explains that since it's more likely someone known to the family will harm your child you shouldn't teach stranger danger but about 'tricky people'. If you look on the menu on the left a click on PREVENTION TIPS and read through those. If you search Pattie Fitzgerald you will come up with some of her other articles. I thought it all seemed sensible and not too scarey for the kids. I don't want them thinking ever adult is a danger but to be aware.

Byatt - posted at the same time, I'm sorry you had to go through that time and think you're doing wonderfully trying not to pass that fear on to your DD, which must be so hard.

Popperwell

katieowl wrote: »

I think (unfortunately) the answer to that Fuddle has to be that they have it drummed into them that they never go anywhere alone. When my DD's were those sorts of ages, it was out in a group, and lots of stay overs ensured so they went from place to place together. Even when you are 'grown up' you don't really want to be going anywhere alone at night...

Kate

fuddle wrote: »

That's true, I don't go out walking alone at night. I used to mind, I used to go into town at 18 and get the bus home alone, walk through my village alone at gone 11 at night. When I think back at the risks I cringe.

I dislike being alone and now it is dark as early as 7pm around here. Last night as I came home by bus from a neighbouring town there were single girls/women alighting and having to walk the streets to their homes.

In recent weeks I have been walking home between 10.30pm and midnight...I don't like it! And I'm a bloke. Also I have the disadvantage that I am short and not very stockily built. And the fact I am slow and use a walking stick is not good either. Whether it's 7pm or later most of my own town and neighbouring towns around here, it seems very deserted.

VJsmum

There was an OSer from Hitchin
Sat scratching her head in the kitchen
Her mother said "Rose -
Fleas I suppose?"
She said "no - I just can't do this stitching".

monnagran

There was an OSer from Hitchen
Whose bank account needed enrichin'.
She turned down the heat,
Gave them all less to eat,
And ignored all the moanin' and !!!!!in'.

I thenk yew!