Advise needed - Min age to buy a burial plot

Elle7

With regards to registering the birth, as I understand it, there is a stillborn certificate which is signed and sent to the funeral home or hospitl department that arranges everything. This can name the father, giving him parental responsibility.

There is also a statutory declaration that can be made, which declares the father the parent of the stillborn child.

Would your daughter have bought the plot? Would she be able to buy it if the cemetery and her ex agreed, or to go halves? I know that seems unlikely.

I'm looking through all the legal documents I was sent but to be honest, it doesn't seem much has changed between when this happened to us and now. In some countries, either the mother or father is appointed the carer of the grave, which does tend to alleviate these issues. Here, anyone can legally buy any plot - although cemetery rules are usually tighter.

So did the cemetery lady mention the consequences of the plot being owned? If there is none, and she can visit/leave flowers as she was going too, it might not be worth trying to fight this. It really does depend if she was going to buy the plot herself, and if so, if there is a legal angle to argue. I can't see one, but it doesn't mean there is one.

It's important to note that there is no preference given to mum over dad in these situations, even if the father does not have parental responsibility, if it is "generally accepted" that he is the father.

The only relevant case I can find involved the woman proving via DNA that the owner of the plot was not the father, and buying the plot from him through the cemetery.

This still feels very raw many years later, so I can't imagine how it must feel for your daughter right now. Remember that everything GoobledyGook said about memories is true - however this turns out, she was the mother, and always will be.

Its probably worth trying to remove any need or expectation about owning the plot, incase your situation turns out like mine. I truly hope it doesn't, but it could ease the load on your daughter if she can somehow come round to this way of thinking.

jenhug

What an awful situation. I have nothing to add to help but just wanted to pass my sympathies on to you and your daughter. xx

farley95_2

Thanks Elle7,

When we went to find out what happens next, she hadn't even thought of what she wanted to do. Being the mother she knows what she doesn't want on her babies grave

The cemetery lady said she could put anything on the grave but he can take it off and throw it in the bin, and we can't do a thing cos its his land.
My daughter said if she'd have known that she wouldn't have had baby buried, then they couldnt have had something to fight over and be nasty about.
The joke is, my daughter, family or friends go to tidy & just to take any dead flowers away every 2/3wks, but he or no-one from his side ever goes, thats why we never even thought about all of this til recently.

But its not him as he's 17 and not working so its his family that have done this, adults who should know morally better!

Mojisola

thefishdude wrote: »

i know this but i dint make my self clear basically my partner was in hospital so could nt register the birth therefor could nt put me down there for untill she got out of hospital and bascially registered me as father i couldnt do anything as we were un married

Sorry, I didn't mean to correct you - I just posted it as general information for anyone else reading the thread.

GobbledyGook

If no-one from his side ever goes then you might be as well not creating a big issue over it. Just continue doing as you are currently doing.

It may not have been done out of badness by the adults. I would lend anyone the money to buy their child's grave and it wouldn't occur to me that they'd use it as a tool in a row with their ex partner.

whitewing

I am sad for you. Maybe of you can believe that the actual buying of the plot was done for the right reasons, it will make it easier. I understand that he is handling the pain now in a selfish and immature way but I guess he is not getting the guidance from his family to handle things well.

I really hope you can help your daughter through this. My heart really does go out to you all.

jackyann

I have dealt with many unusual family situations, but never this, and my heart goes out to you all.
Here are 2 practical suggestions:
Given the age of your daughter, she is probably entitled to a certain amount of free legal advice. see if you can set this up, and make sure that you have everything written down, to maximise use of the time.
Her ex's behaviour sounds abusive to me. That means that the local Women's Aid would offer advice & counselling (that the relationship has ended is no barrier to this). They often have connections to legal advice, and often have extensive knowledge in the area of family law, so may be able to advise and point you in the right direction.
I agree that SANDS are also very helpful.
I do hope this can get to a place where you can all grieve properly instead of getting caught in such an awful place.

mishkanorman

farley95 wrote: »

Thanks Elle7,

When we went to find out what happens next, she hadn't even thought of what she wanted to do. Being the mother she knows what she doesn't want on her babies grave

The cemetery lady said she could put anything on the grave but he can take it off and throw it in the bin, and we can't do a thing cos its his land.
My daughter said if she'd have known that she wouldn't have had baby buried, then they couldnt have had something to fight over and be nasty about.
The joke is, my daughter, family or friends go to tidy & just to take any dead flowers away every 2/3wks, but he or no-one from his side ever goes, thats why we never even thought about all of this til recently.

But its not him as he's 17 and not working so its his family that have done this, adults who should know morally better!

firstly sorry for your loss,

One thing that occurs to me is perhaps his family arent aware of the vile things he is saying to your daughter, if it were one of my sons in that position I would consider buying the plot to ensure he is acknowledged as part of the baby. I of course wouldnt do it to cause more grief to the mother and would hope my son would convey the meaning behind it, is there any chance they trusted their son to be doing the right thing not knowing how he has twisted it ?

whitewing

I wonder how he came to know that he could buy the plot? Perhaps something similar has happened to family or close friends of his before. In which case, again, I think the purchase may have been done with the right intentions.

I do think it will be worth getting some legal advice on the matter. You may choose to take no further action but at least it will be an informed choice.

ljbnotts

I'm sorry to hear about the situation you are in, I have no advice about the Burial plot but as a registrar i wanted to clarify the registration laws. Any child that is classed as still born before 24 weeks will not be registered. A Still Birth registration is classed at 24 weeks and over. Before this time ifthe baby is born and has never lived it will be classed as a late miscarriage (which is not registered). This is why there are no Birth, death or stillborncertificates.

So all of the information about parental rights etc is not valid in this situation, as the baby was born at 22 weeks.

If you have any further questions about the registration please do get in touch with me.

LJB xx