Real life MMD: Are my parents dividing the will fairly?

mahunysaver

:eek::eek::eek:

Is this really a discussion people have? This is something that should only being discussed between those writing the will!!!
1. its their wishes
2. its a gift
3. you shouldn't even be aware until you need to be.

Ebenezer_Screwj

Your parents can leave their money to whoever they want to, it's their money - live with their decision.

moonjooce

technically it's nobody's business but theirs. However, I assume if one of them dies then their assets pass to the partner (so your dad's would go to your mum if he passed away first and vice versa) unless they have changed this in the will but that's the normal way people do it. In which case if your dad was to pass away first, then his share would go to your mum, and when she passes it would go to you and your sister - the 2 children from the previous marriage could get nothing. You can get it written in that if your dad was to go first then your mum would have to give the percentage he wanted to his first two children when she died. It should work out the same as if they were to die at the same time. Solicitors can advise ways to make sure of this. Me and my other half don't have children but have different percentages to our respective families and have this kind of thing written in so if one of us dies before the other it won't mean the other family gets nothing. I would make your parents aware of this as our solicitor didn't (we found out about it and asked them to write it in) and then keep out of it and leave the decision to them. If you get involved it will only cause possible bitterness. It's up to your parents to decide, and then when the time comes if people are bitter, but you have kept out of the decision and haven't persuaded them in any way etc you should not end up falling out.

TBagpuss

mahunysaver wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:

Is this really a discussion people have? This is something that should only being discussed between those writing the will!!!
1. its their wishes
2. its a gift
3. you shouldn't even be aware until you need to be.

Yes, it is a discussion people have, and it can often be a discussion which people need to have. It's very easy for people to equate provision in a will with love / how important some one is to the testator. Discussing it allows the (potential) beneficiaries to understand *why* things were left as they are - it can be very hurtful for someone who is left out / left a smaller share if they don't know why - discussing it so that they understand that this is not becaus they are less loved or valued but that it is to support someonje who may be in greater need can help to avoid family breakdown.

I want my parents to use theior own money for themsekves - they earned it. if there is anything left it's their choice to leave it as they wish.but if I learned, after they died, when it was too late to ask why, that they left their estate unequally between myself and my siblings, I would find it very hard to cope with, as I'd be left wondering whether (if i got a smaller / no share) i had done something to hurt them, and (if I got a larger share) whether one of my siblings had, or whether I had done something they wanted to 'reward' , and in either case whether this was what they really wanted or whether there had be some misunderstanding, or pressure from someone inside or outside the family.

If you (or your familt members) don't wnat to discuss this in advnace then do consioder leaving a letter with your will, explaining why you have left things as you have. This can help avoid anyone contesting the will, but more importnatly, it can answer these kind of nagging questions and reduce the risks of beneficiaries falling out.

In relation to OP's question - I think that your parents solution is fair, but I also think it would be sensible for them to set out their thinking, and as others have suggested, I do think that the factual issues such as which family each of the children were brought up in, how old they were when their parents split and when your parents married, and where the assets originally came from are all relevent to the decisions made by youir parents.

I agree that yopu should stay out of it, other than to reassure your parents that the choice is theirs and to recommend taht they do get professional advice and to think about issues such as what happens when the fisrt one of them dies.

zzzLazyDaisy

My father has two children from his first marriage, and his wife three from her first marriage. They have none together. My Dad build their house and as far as I know brought most of the money into their relationship, and has financially supported her throughout the marriage.

I have no idea what is in their wills, and frankly I don't care. She has loved him and cared for him for 25 years, through thick and thin, and however they decided to split any money after they've gone is up to them. In any case, my Dad is now ill and a significant sum is being spent on getting help in, and on respite care, so there may not be much left to fight over anyway. Not that we'll do any fighting. It is theirs do to with as they wish.

Vidilian

Well it appears my brother decided what was going to be put on the will as he was made executor and in his words he put "entirely at his discretion" so if he doesnt want to give the rest of us anything he wont.

Its a shame my dad signed the will without reading it first, now we have to wait and see if our so called brother includes other family members.

happyinflorida

these questions are definitely getting worse every week

why is this person asking this at all

it's a family matter - it IS the parents money and their choice what they do - not this kids matter at all

can proper questions start being asked as they are getting more ridiculous every week and I really can't believe these are actually being asked?!

lainie3961

It is the decision of the parents - it is their will and therefore their say that goes - this should not be 'influenced' by anyone!!!

I agree with 'happyinflorida' that these questions seem to be getting worse each week!

Could someone seriously think they can dispute their parents will this way??? [I suppose that there will always be people who think that such things are 'morally wrong'?????]

nannienorms

There are so many arguments about money after a death. It breaks up families, and causes considerable resentment. You might suggest to your parents dividing it equally between all of you, but they have obviously thought about it a great deal, and probably won't thank you for adding to the mix. Then when the inevitable row happens, you can at least say you tried to get the will equally divided, but your parents had made their decision.

JimmyTheWig

I think the most important thing is that they explain what they are doing to the children while they are still here.
In this instance, they need to explain to the dad's original children that his wife doesn't see them as her own. Presumably this won't come as a shock to them (If it does then I would suggest that they have the will wrong) but better to get it out in the open now.