When I get Older 6 July 2012 at 6:09AM in Over 50s MoneySaving 40 replies 4.2K views

[Deleted User]

I know its not really money saving but did anyone see the two programmes this week about the elderly on t.v. I wonder what you all thought about them.Money seemed to be the root of most of the problems and the lack of it for care.I know it was 'made-for -t.v.' but I found it strange that the lady with five children had an almost empty fridge.Maybe I'm lucky, but if my fridge was that empty my kids would be really worried and try to find out why.Gloria Hunniford seemed to think that by moving this lady into a smaller flat it would solve all of her finacial worries by giving her an extra £74.per month to live on as opposede to the £20 odd she had to live on at the moment.Can't make my mind up really what do you think

rubytuesday

I missed the first one and half watched the second.

What worries me is those who do have four children like my eighty eight year old neighbour - yet they rarely bother with her.

The only one who makes any effort is the one who lives miles away and even though she is making an extended visit she is just tucked away upstairs on the Internet instead of spending quality time with her Mum!

I just don't understand it!

[Deleted User]

I saw it and it was a real eye opener. A couple of the care homes were `lovely` in as much as they could be, the bupa one, which was probably spruced up for the film, was horrible. Lack of help for the carers was disturbing as was that first lady being in a house that was too expensive for her, to rent and probably to heat, It was pretty obvious that couples who support each other have a better chance of staying in their own homes

In reality it makes sense for me to carry on saving for that `what if` scenario ie to be able to afford alterations to the house and carers to come in if needed and lastly to give me the choice of homes if dh and/or I ever needed that sort of help.

cherylim

I suppose what needs to be considered, rather than seeing this as a 'poor old person, with children who don't care' situation, is that these old people ARE people and there are real relationships to deal with.

When we look at old people, I think we sometimes see them as all being very similar and equally helpless, but there are decades of relationships that have formed for these people. My own mother isn't someone I enjoy being around - I still love her, and if she needed a few groceries in the future I'd send the Tesco man around, but I honestly doubt I'll be the one of her four children who visits. For a start, I live hundreds of miles away - secondly, she has other children who are closer emotionally. Of course, they might also decide that they don't have time to be spending with her in future. It might sound harsh, but old people aren't a 'responsibility' as such, they're still a choice in my eyes.

Personally, I'm quite looking forward to spending my retirement years in a dedicated retirement village or home. I think I'd like it, and hope it's the choice I or my children can take on my behalf in future.

floss2

cherylim wrote: »

...... My own mother isn't someone I enjoy being around - I still love her, and if she needed a few groceries in the future I'd send the Tesco man around, but I honestly doubt I'll be the one of her four children who visits. For a start, I live hundreds of miles away - secondly, she has other children who are closer emotionally. Of course, they might also decide that they don't have time to be spending with her in future. It might sound harsh, but old people aren't a 'responsibility' as such, they're still a choice in my eyes.

I only hope that your mum doesn't read this.

cherylim wrote: »

.....Personally, I'm quite looking forward to spending my retirement years in a dedicated retirement village or home. I think I'd like it, and hope it's the choice I or my children can take on my behalf in future.

Most people would like this - however the harsh reality is that it is not always cheap and not always available in every area. Plus, the increase in retired population combined with the fact that people are living longer means that there is likely to be a supply & demand situation - demand will probably outstrip supply of quality dedicated care for the elderly. Also, what happens if you become ill and need nursing care? And are you saving to cover the costs of this, as we all know the demands on the state "pot" are such that it is likely to be empty by the time I may need care in 20+ years!

[Deleted User]

cherylim wrote: »

Personally, I'm quite looking forward to spending my retirement years in a dedicated retirement village or home. I think I'd like it,

I hope you have several hundred of thousands of pounds if this is your aim, otherwise you could well end up in a care home far worse than any seen on tv.

We are prepared to use our savings plus house value to pay for our choice of care if needed, although naturally we hope it won`t come to that

SailorSam

I had the programme on in the background, i wasn't really watching it but what i thought when i saw the old people on their own was, should i be knocking on the door of old people by me who i know live by themselves, to see do they need any help.

thriftwizard

I didn't see the programme, but am immersed in a real-life situation where DH's father is in need of end-of-life care and hasn't made any provision for it or for his funeral. Unfortunately he lives in another country, where the State sees it as the family's responsibility to care for the terminal patient, but his second wife is already caring for her daughter (who has a dangerously unstable brain lesion) and 6 y.o. grand-daughter and can't give him the 24-hour nursing attention that he now needs; he has drains & dressings to cope with, is confused & only sleeps in short snatches. So he's had to go into a nursing home, which is costing rather a lot of money (not begrudged, BTW) the cost of which is being shared amongst his 3 children as she still has the cost of running the marital home. I'm very glad we can help, but it's going to be a severe drain on our finances, and we have two kids currently at uni (which was still just about free when we had them) and another hoping to go shortly... ouch!

In the meantime my mother & stepfather have just moved into a retirement village where the admin fees are as high as many people's mortgages and the fees for the integral nursing home are £900 a week. If they survive another 10 years or so (mid 80s now & fairly hale & hearty) there is no way at all there will be anything left for us to inherit; our own finances & chances of saving towards our own eventual care are being drained off in two directions at present, but State support for the elderly is also visibly draining away as it all gets "privatised" and farmed out to rapacious companies. I really wouldn't want to be a burden to my own kids in future, but I'm not sure that there'll be any other options left to me!

Having worked with the elderly until fairly recently I'd say that the current situation for many of them is bad, but the future looks bleak... the pot is empty.

Gracie_1827

I saw both programmes and it certainly makes you feel worried for the future. In the first prog. I felt that three of the four were helped, but John Simpson seemed to wrapped up in his own issues. Ivy, the woman with the empty fridge...it wasn't clear if the £3 a day was what she had left for food, if it was, well that's more than I spend. If it was for bills as well, I don't know how she managed although I did see a large bottle of Pepsi in the fridge.
The second prog. shows how crap it can be when you can't look after yourself. My parents are in their 80's and at the moment cope with everyday life but they will be looked after by the family as long as possible. Don't know how I'm going to fair though. My son lives in London, I'm in the North west.

adelight

SailorSam wrote: »

I had the programme on in the background, i wasn't really watching it but what i thought when i saw the old people on their own was, should i be knocking on the door of old people by me who i know live by themselves, to see do they need any help.

Me too I don't actually know of any elderly people living near me now (city centre) but if I did I'd want to get to know them and see if they wanted company or help sometimes. It's not out of pity or duty, I do enjoy being around people. Two years ago I contacted age concern asking if they needed volunteers but they never got back to me.

Me and my sister are already thinking about how we can help my parents out when they're older (don't tell my mum though she's only 47 :rotfl:). I know circumstances change but I would hate for them to be lonely and noone visit. My Nan's three children lived within 2 miles of her and visited once, 2-3 and 7 days a week but she still got pretty fed up.

anniemf2508

I have just watched the first programme on iplayer and it really outlined how little support alot of old people have. I remember watching my mum and her 2 sisters look after both their parents til the day they died, it was amazing to see such unity but that sort of thing is dying out as people move further apart....i know when my parents get older it will be really different as me and my siblings aren't as close to our parents in every respect.

Watching Gloria Hunniford go shopping for ingredients for a spag bol made me want to shout at the telly, she wanted to spend £5 just on the meat.