Private schooling

gingin_2

FBaby wrote: »

One other reason for not putting my children in private schooling is that as this would require sacrifices that I wouldn't make with an open heart

I totally forgot when I was writing that we tried our son in a pre-prep school and we took him out after a year, I think. It was obvious that he was not cut out for it. He is bright but doesn't apply himself enough. We had to be honest with ourselves and admit it was a mistake and think that perhaps the money might be better spent on something else He was certainly happier going to the local primary and thankfully it was early enough in his education that it is a distant memory.

cottonhead

Thanks everone for the thoughful replies. I can see from the experiences here some of it is down to the individual child and some down the individual school. I think my main concern is that we have some excellent grammar schools where pupils come out with grades comparable or better than the local independant schools. However if my son doesnt qualify then the alternative is a terrible one - only 26% of pupils achieve 5 A-C grades. I am thinking now that if he passed the 11+ then grammar would be a good option as we could then spend the money we would otherwise have spent on private education on things like nice trips abroad and for uni if he gets there. The if he doenst qualify for grammar we could send him to a private school. There seem to be 2 types that I have seen - the quite selective ones where children are admitted with high grades and the not so where it seems to be done in order that you put your name down. I suppose I just want the best chance I can give him and this sounds bad ( even as I am writing I am cringing but I have to be honest ) mix with certain people. The local upper school has so many problems with bullying, teenage pregnancy, truancy and gangs. Having said that I would worry that people at private school might be too stuck up towards us becauae we are working class. Its a tricky one.

emsywoo123

I was privately educated, as was my sister and my DD is currently at prep school.

There have been lots of threads on private schooling here, it has been debated extensively.

Here is the first one I came across:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3920239

angelil

To be honest as well, OP, you also need to consider other factors. Why, for instance, DO exam results at some private schools seem to be higher? Is it because of smaller classes and better resources? Possibly, partly. Or is it because the "type" of parent that can generally afford to send their kids to these schools are usually attentive, make sure the kids do their homework, take them to libraries, enrol them in other extra-curriculars etc so that their learning is helped in ways that would improve their results 'naturally' (i.e. without the help of the teachers/the private school)?

I am not against private schools at all but really do think you need to consider what your specific reasons are for leaning towards private school. As others have said, bright children will generally thrive in any environment. If your child needs extra attention in a particular subject or skill area then you need to ensure that the schools you are looking at (whether private or state!) provide for this specifically. It's true that smaller class sizes can help some kids - although the notion that private schools always have smaller class sizes is also untrue

Armchair23

Oh Lord how long is your piece of string and your patience.
My DH was all state school but that included Grammar.
I was largely Private - because it was a Convent.
He got a degree I left school at 15.

My kids started off state and ended up Private. One is doing a doctorate one is a no hoper.

I'm completely convinced that the school itself doesn't make the difference. If you are idle uninvolved parents you need to pay for a school to take on your role as educators. If you are involved and active in your kids education they will do well wherever they go.

The trouble is mostly we all want to succeed at being parents and we all want our kids to be successful. Sometimes though we're a tad lazy and sometimes we don't look at our kids objectively.

Don't worry about the things that you can't do or the schools you can't get your kids into. Look at all the stuff you can do and how supporting your kids and a school can work out well.

Best of luck X

chelle230

My DS is 6 and goes to a fee paying independent school. We can only afford it as they are applying for free-school status and were offering a limited number of reduced fee places, we were lucky enough to get one.

He was originally in a state school but is very bright, years ahead of where he should be for reading, literacy and numeracy.
He was not getting what he needed and was becoming quite disruptive in class as he was being held back.

He was in a class of 30 in his state school, but in this class he has 12 classmates.
He is getting the individual attention he needs, with the extra work to keep his brain active.

I'm not sure we'd end up putting him in a fee paying secondary school, as I went and hated every minute. As somebody else has said, if you don't have the correct status, new cars, money, horses, etc. you do get singled out and made to feel so small. But we have a few years to think about that!

meames_2

I disagree with the whole idea of private school. Yes I know some people will shoot me down about this. I know I have unrealistic expectations that all children should have the same excellent education regardless of parents money. However, that is how I feel and nothing has ever made me change my mind.

I studied the development of adolescent education in the first half of 20th century for my special subject at Uni. it was fascinating and basically if it wasn't for wars education would still only be for the rich (ok, this is at its most simplistic).

I went to a state school - the 2nd year to ever do GCSEs. An ex of mine went to private school. He missed out on all the after school stuff as his school was in the next town, so all his friends at school weren't about and his old primary school friends had already formed groups and played by the time he got home. My sister went to boarding school (state run), again the lack of local friends seems to be a theme. I know that's not important when you go to work but an important social element is missing from both.

cherylim

I was educated in state and private schools. The private school gave me a scholarship because, at the time, I'd been labelled a 'child genius'. The aim of my existing teacher was to take me somewhere I'd be more challenged, but ultimately both schools were training me to pass exactly the same exams.

The private school certainly had better facilities, was a lovely environment and offered extra-curricular activities, but though they've created lasting memories they weren't the focus of the school and aren't the focus of some parents. School is training you to get grades, and I didn't find that was something done too differently between schools.

In my own opinion, schools aren't the place for education. I don't intend that to sound stuck-up, but I think the education that matters will be taking place outside the school environment. For that reason, I'll send my child to a state school and save some money. I attended four different schools over my primary and secondary years, and the only difference was that the private school taught extra-curricular activities within their own grounds and the public schools offered the same on day trips/weeks away.

sweetme

cottonhead wrote: »

Thanks everone for the thoughful replies. I can see from the experiences here some of it is down to the individual child and some down the individual school. I think my main concern is that we have some excellent grammar schools where pupils come out with grades comparable or better than the local independant schools. However if my son doesnt qualify then the alternative is a terrible one - only 26% of pupils achieve 5 A-C grades. I am thinking now that if he passed the 11+ then grammar would be a good option as we could then spend the money we would otherwise have spent on private education on things like nice trips abroad and for uni if he gets there. The if he doenst qualify for grammar we could send him to a private school. There seem to be 2 types that I have seen - the quite selective ones where children are admitted with high grades and the not so where it seems to be done in order that you put your name down. I suppose I just want the best chance I can give him and this sounds bad ( even as I am writing I am cringing but I have to be honest ) mix with certain people. The local upper school has so many problems with bullying, teenage pregnancy, truancy and gangs. Having said that I would worry that people at private school might be too stuck up towards us becauae we are working class. Its a tricky one.

Be aware that mixing with certain people may also mean expensive hobbies. Peer pressure can be bad enough in state schools, kids want to be the same as their peers, there might be some very expensive interests along with the private school territory.

jason1231972

My sister 'won' a place at a fee-paying private girls' school, but she performed poorly, left at 16, worked a few dead-end jobs, and is now a stay-at-home mum in a household partially supported by benefits. She's a lovely and wonderful person in many ways, but the 'opportunity' of a private education didn't get her anywhere, as such

I went to a state school and performed very well. The lowest grade I ever achieved in any formal examination setting was a B. I, too, left at 16, but later started uni in my early 30s, and gained a good degree from a good university.

As it happens, I don't 'use' my degree as such, because I started up in a (well-paid and respectable) position in 'my' field in my mid-30s, but jacked in this particular job because I hated it.

I'm 40 now, and work in a low-paid but highly enjoyable job. Not sure I'll ever 'go professional' again, but I nevertheless have this qualification (and a bit of relevant experience) under my belt as a reasonable insurance policy.

As others have stated, a lot of it is down to the child in question. I furthered my own education out of curiosity and in a no-pressure adult environment. My sister, however, still relates tales of pressure and expectation, some 20 years after leaving this school that she hated.