Help with lying SIL?

Th1984

Just an update for those who are interested,

SIL has gone to ground and has contacted the in laws only to say she is ok and staying somewhere with her ex. She Most probably will stay out of communication until she thinks we have forgotten about it all. We have no way at all of contacting her because 'Her phone is dead'. There obviously is only one blackberry charger in the world......

Thanks for the advice and generally listening to me moan, has made me feel a lot better!

Th1984

VfM4meplse

VfM4meplse wrote: »

What you've lost is just £100

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I saw somewhere that the financial loss was "just £100". That's a lot of money for a family, especially when you're trying to pay off debts. The financial loss should not be trivialised.

'Twas me - everything in context, in the grand scheme of things I'm sure the in-laws can afford to compensate the OP with £100. I have a friemd who has just discovered several investments wiped out and 5 credit cards spent on by a thieving !!!!!! whilst he was away on business - identity and credit theft for the best part of £60k. He's having to spend his precious leave tracking everything down.

Th1984

Just FWIW, I wouldn't take the £100 from my in laws, she is an adult and is wholly and solely responsible for her own actions. I would rather lose the money permanently (it would hurt my in laws to part with that much cash more than I miss it)

Pollycat

paddy's_mum wrote: »

It seems to me that your precipitate action has already done all the alienating anyone could wish for! Did you even ask your wife if she minded you slinging her sister out with (it would appear) little or no warning? Do you think your wife and in-laws will find your actions incredibly high-handed and holy joe?

I understand entirely that your sister in law has been selfish, dishonest and stupid but I suspect that gathering her things together and dumping them on the parents doorstep will be seen as unkind, inflammatory and dictatorial. Is your wife quietly wondering what your reaction would be if she were to transgress in some way?

Who was it said 'speak in anger and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret'?

Paddy's Mum
The OP didn't 'sling' his SIL out - he said she didn't come back after a night out.

The OP has also said his wife was in agreement with him about taking her sister's stuff back to her parent's house:

Th1984 wrote: »

My wife is pregnant at the moment so what she thinks on the situation really does depend on where her hormones are at any given time. I had her full support in removing the SILs stuff to the inlaws as my wife is angry that the cash was stolen (she was the one who worked it out) we are standing jointly on the fact we don't trust her to be alone in the house but don't feel that someone can be completely written off.

paddy's_mum wrote: »

How about doing the unthinkable-for-a-bloke-thing and just straight out apologising for going off on one! There is no loss of face to explain that you were simmering with anger at her dishonesty but looking back, you can see that you acted first and thought things through later.

By saying so (and if it is the truth) you present an entirely reasonable picture of what your feelings were at the time, giving your in laws a chance to understand and reappraise.

We've all acted in haste and repented at leisure ... good luck.

I agree with sulkisu - I don't think there is any apology due from the OP.

To me, his SIL sounds selfish, inconsiderate and childish (and ideal fodder for the JK show).
She's like the boy who cried 'wolf'.
Sooner or later, she's going to really need help and it will be her own fault if nobody rushes to the rescue.

I hope his in-laws understand the good things he's done for his SIL whilst they were away.

Dunroamin

Th1984 wrote: »

2 weeks ago, while the in laws were on holiday I get a tearful call from SIL saying her boyfriend has dumped her and told her to get her stuff out (she is 20, NEET, not on benefits) so I being a nice guy drive over, pick her stuff up and say she can stay with me and my wife until in laws get back.
.

Why isn't she claiming benefits? If she was getting JSA it would give her some money to pay her way and, more importantly, give some kind of shape and purpose to her life.

paddy's_mum

Unfortunately, the further information about the wife being in agreement didn't show at the time I started typing. Going on what was actually displayed at the time I replied, the OP said "I packed up her belongings..." which strongly suggested that he was acting unilaterally. He also stated that he was wildly angry, a potent addition to the mix.

Apologies to the OP if I caused any offence.

Pollycat

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Unfortunately, the further information about the wife being in agreement didn't show at the time I started typing. Going on what was actually displayed at the time I replied, the OP said "I packed up her belongings..." which strongly suggested that he was acting unilaterally. He also stated that he was wildly angry, a potent addition to the mix.

Apologies to the OP if I caused any offence.

Sometimes, when a thread is moving quickly and you're typing more than a one-liner reply, events can overtake you.

Sorry if I came across as 'having a go' at you, it wasn't meant in that way.

amyloofoo

I'm glad this appears to have been resolved. I was in a similar position with my sister not long ago and got a lot of support on here so it's nice to see it happens to others. I just wanted to say that you need to stay strong in the future for the sake of yourself, your pregnant wife and your own relationship. If your SIL is anything like my sister then she may well be back soon, possibly as soon as things have broken down with her ex again, and trying to persuade you to let her back into your home. You need to put your family first and ask her to make alternative arrangements because this stress is something your wife definitely doesn't need in her pregnancy.

pelirocco

VfM4meplse wrote: »

'Twas me - everything in context, in the grand scheme of things I'm sure the in-laws can afford to compensate the OP with £100. I have a friemd who has just discovered several investments wiped out and 5 credit cards spent on by a thieving !!!!!! whilst he was away on business - identity and credit theft for the best part of £60k. He's having to spend his precious leave tracking everything down.

Stealing is stealing no matter how much, and no doubt those who steal on a grand scale started off small