surprise wedding help

Pollycat

Rockporkchop wrote: »

If he sprung that on me, I would tell him to shove his wedding up his backside. I wouldn't put up with someone who "refused" to marry me for 15 years though. Why is he doing this now I wonder? I am betting it's financially beneficial to him in some way.

I'd be another one saying 'I don't'. :rotfl:

Like Rockporkchop, I'm also curious why he's 'refused to marry her for the whole time he has been with her' and now he's changed his mind.

gingin_2

Have a surprise engagement party instead. Do it exactly as you said but have everyone there to suprise her on her engagement, rather than her wedding. He can have his big moment by getting down on one knee.

Surely you are going to pay some attention to these posts? No one has a hidden agenda, it's very rare that just about everyone agrees on here.

I think you are selfish too for going along with it and not even considering this poor woman's feelings.You know what dress she wants to wear, how she wants her hair, who she wants as bridesmaids?

Pollycat

gingin wrote: »

You know what dress she wants to wear, how she wants her hair, who she wants as bridesmaids?

I'm pretty sure she'd want to wear a different dress for her wedding than she would choose for a renewal of vows for somebody that she may not know that well (as they live in NZ).

Even though the OP says:

iwanttosavemoney2008 wrote: »

she would be happy with a registry office wearing jeans as long as she was wed to him

pawsies

Why not tell her but keep the date a surprise so when the day comes and he's got everything sorted he could do something like a treasure hunt, leading to her dress/ring/flowers etc?

Nan63

I echo all the sentiments above! You and he may think it's the most romantic thing he has ever done but if I was his intended bride, I'd have another view entirely! It's her wedding day, she has hung around waiting for your uncle to change his mine - how kind of him - and now he wants to steal her thunder by not letting her plan her special day?!

Bad, bad idea! I hope you are sharing the responses you are getting from the forum with him, there is still time for him to change his mind and y'know, include his bride-to-be ....heck, it would be kind of nice if he proposes first don't you think?

Oh and another thing, let's hope he takes rejection well just in case she's not as impressed as you and your uncle clearly think she should be!

gingin_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm pretty sure she'd want to wear a different dress for her wedding than she would choose for a renewal of vows for somebody that she may not know that well (as they live in NZ).

Yes. I think the OP has their fingers in their ears and is singing tra la la la la at the moment, so it's pointless trying to persuade them otherwise!

BlondeHeadOn

Margaret52129 wrote: »

I had friends who lived like this and were no longer spring chickens. He'd always said he didn't want to marry (never had been before), but she'd had 3 previous marriages (2 divorce and 1 died). They were very happy together and had got engaged. Then she when she was arranging her 60th birthday he said he would like to giver her something she'd always wanted - to marry her for her 60th birthday present!

They kept it secret from everyone and only announced it at her birthday party (making it a joint celebration). So she got her wish but they arranged it together. It was very romantic for them, and a lovely suprise for us all.

This ^^^^^

Has the element of surprise, but both bride and groom are in on the secret and can enjoy the surprise of the guests at the party.

A much better and more romantic way of doing things, IMO

:j

Pollycat

gingin wrote: »

Surely you are going to pay some attention to these posts? No one has a hidden agenda, it's very rare that just about everyone agrees on here.

This is very true.

gingin wrote: »

I think you are selfish too for going along with it and not even considering this poor woman's feelings.You know what dress she wants to wear, how she wants her hair, who she wants as bridesmaids?

I wonder how many replies are from women, I think the OP is female, I'm quite surprised that she thinks it's a good idea.

Even though the OP says this:

iwanttosavemoney2008 wrote: »

like i said the people around them know this would be perfect for her and she would enjoy every second of it. i asked for advice on how to go about doing this as i know he will need help to make it a reality not opinions on whether it was right or wrong because for this couple it is right.

in the cold light of day, would she be thinking "I wish it had been this way" or "I wish so-and-so could have been here" or "I wish I'd lost a few pounds"?

Nicki

I completely agree pollycat.

I'm not a very girlie kind of girl, and am very secure in the strength of my marriage, but it was our twentieth wedding anniversary a few months ago and we had planned a lovely night out. I had arranged for the babysitter to come in at lunchtime so I could have my hair cut earlier that day and have time to dress up and do make up. The babysitter announced the day before that she could in fact only come in half an hour before we were due to go out, which meant that I didnt have any time to make myself look special before we went out, and it did cast a small shadow on what would otherwise have been an amazing night. Worse still for it to happen on your wedding day, and for you to be captured in hundreds of photographs not looking exactly how you had wished on your day.

There is also the issue that the uncle may invite people to the wedding that she is no longer close to (maybe even a friend she has quarelled with) and miss out people she would like to have there, and perhaps even cause offence by not inviting someone who would have expected an invite and who the bride would have invited had she had her choice.

Skintski

I'm not a girlie girl but I wouldn't be happy with having my wedding taken away from me. I'd always be thinking "Well it's nice but it's not how I would have done it" and I don't think weddings are something you should look back on with regret even if it is only over the choice of dress.