surprise wedding help

iwanttosavemoney2008

My uncle is trying to do the most romantic thing he has ever done. he is wanting to surprise his girlfriend with a wedding.

They have been together for over 15 years and he has refused to marry her for the whole time he has been with her. However he has now changed his mind and wants to marry her.

His plan is that when his cousin (who emigrated to New Zealand and married over there) returns to Britain for a holiday next year, they are going to say that he and his new wife are renewing their vows over here so that the family this way on can attend and have a party. However when she gets there he will tell her this is not Cousins wedding it is theirs.

Now she changed her surname to his by deed poll a long time ago so that she could have the same name as him. She would really love to be married to him. So there are no issues there.

But and here is the big but, how would he go about this in the best way as you both have to be present to get your wedding certificate? Any advice on how best to get her to get her bans read without her knowing it is her banns being read would be much appreciated. Or if anyone knows of any legal loop holes so they really can get married in this way. or just any advice on what the best way to do this would be??

74jax

I would ask him to contact his registrar or church to find out this one.

I would say not ever would find this 'the most romantic thing ever''. He is stopping her plan her once in a lifetime wedding, as long as he is sure she wouldn't mind then good luck.

iwanttosavemoney2008

74jax wrote: »

I would ask him to contact his registrar or church to find out this one.

I would say not ever would find this 'the most romantic thing ever''. He is stopping her plan her once in a lifetime wedding, as long as he is sure she wouldn't mind then good luck.

you dont know him this is his most romantic lol she was married before so had her big wedding before she would be happy with a registry office wearing jeans as long as she was wed to him

duchy

Call me old fashioned but surely a wedding is something a couple plan together?

He sounds a real prince --refusing to marry her for fifteen years -and now has decided HE has changed his mind and is convinced she will be thrilled-and won't care she is cheated out of a proper wedding dress and the excitement of looking forward to wedding just because HE has changed his mind. He sounds awfully full of himself -and I doubt the possibility that she may turn around on the day and say "No thanks not like this" has occurred to him.

Why can't he just do the decent thing -go and buy her a nice engagement ring, propose properly and then plan the wedding together for when his family are over instead of making it all about him ?

He's just selfish.

Nicki

If she was married before I am almost positive this won't be possible, as she will need to sign a declaration that her previous marriage has been dissolved before banns can be read. I'd be surprised even if she hadn't been married though, if any vicar would agree to read someone's banns in the request of a third party. Some vicars won't do it unless you attend marriage preparation classes beforehand.

At the risk of sounding like a killjoy, a marriage is an important legal commitment changing the status of a couple and conferring rights and obligations. For that reason, the law has put in place measures to stop people entering into it without their knowledge or consent. One of these measures is the requirement that both parties to the marriage have to apply in person for the wedding license beforehand and answer questions from the registrar. Otherwise, what is there to prevent an unscrupulous person applying for a license without the other party's knowledge, then getting them drunk, or drugged up on the day, and marrying them when they are incapable of consent? Or in this case, going through with it due to social pressure, like when someone proposes live on TV, and the recipient accepts to save their face and later lets the, down.

I think he should ask her properly and give her notice of her own wedding day. Vegas, we aren't!

GobbledyGook

If she has wanted to get married for many years then I don't think planning it all behind her back for a surprise is romantic. I think it's a shame that the wedding she's always wanted will be taken completely out of her hands.

You can book a wedding date with one person, but you can't do the banns or anything without both people knowing so you can't (as far as I can see) have a wedding where one person only finds out about it on the day.

Although they've been together a long time and she's always wanted to get married springing it on her at the very last minute not only stops her having an input, but it also makes it incredibly difficult for her to say no if it's not what she wants. It's the same when people propose in front of big groups of family or friends - it takes a heck of a strong person to say no!

If he now just wants to marry her it'd be far, far more romantic (imo) to propose, give her a budget, suggest the date when his family is over and let her have at least half the input into the wedding.

*max*

I agree with others - he sounds either awfully full of himself or just terribly deluded. A wedding isn't a surprise party, it's a lifetime commitment and a very legal matter. It would rob her of the decisions, the planning, the choosing of her dress, of who to invite...everything - even if the wedding was to be low key anyway.

I think your uncle watched too much reality TV or TV shows. The odds are she will NOT be pleased by having this sprung on her at the last minute. He may think it would be "fun" and romantic but I can almost guarantee it won't be for her.

iwanttosavemoney2008

I know none of you know the couple in question and are basing your opinions on what you yourself or what you think most people would prefer, however i do know the couple and i know she would love this they way he has planned, maybe i didn't word it correctly because a lot of you have taken great offence at it.

they are not spring chickens, and they have both been round the block a few times, they are very much in every way a married couple just without the paperwork.

like i said the people around them know this would be perfect for her and she would enjoy every second of it. i asked for advice on how to go about doing this as i know he will need help to make it a reality not opinions on whether it was right or wrong because for this couple it is right.

iwanttosavemoney2008

my idea was that he take her to get the certificate a day or two before the day getting a special licence (she would not know it was a special licence then think there would be at least 15 days before the wedding and as the banns last for a year she would not know when the date was unless they set one) then after the 1 days clear notice (that you get with a special licence) they could have the wedding he planned straight away.

does anyone have any ideas like this that could be practicable??

Alibat

Thirty-ish years ago someone I worked with arranged a surprise wedding for him and his long term girlfriend. It was at a registry office and I can remember him saying afterwards that the registrar spoke to his girlfriend on her own before the ceremony to make sure she really did want to get married. She too thought she was going to someone else's wedding, and was thrilled to bits to find it was actually her own so it can be done (or it could then) and it can work out.

However, seven or so years ago there was a 'secret wedding' in my DH's family where the bride and groom knew they were getting married but none of the guests did, not even their adult children from previous relationships (they were so upset they spent the entire ceremony sobbing and crying). The subterfuges, lies and manipulations to get everyone there created a lot of friction before the event and a massive breakdown of trust afterwards that the family has never really recovered from.

I'm another who thinks it's about as far away from being a romantic thing to do as you can get. The build up and planning is half the fun, plus I couldn't imagine not choosing my own dress/ring/flowers etc.

mgdavid

why are you doing the research? if he wants this surprise so much he can find out for himself surely? it's not rocket science!