Help with relationship and money

CashStrappedPrincess

I think you really need to contact the companies and get all the facts. Then confront her, the debt isn't really what you should be fully concerned about it's the lies and dishonesty.

I covered up my CC debt from my OH for around 5 months and to be honest It felt like I was having an affair. Eventhough we don't live together it was hard to keep a secret. One day I broke down and told him, I can always remember the sheer look of disappointment on his face when I told him but he has been an absolute diamond and really helped me out such as paying more than his share when it comes to meals out, clothes etc.

My point is you have every right to be very angry if she has lied to you but you need to explain to her that you need to know the truth. Try not to show your anger and explain that the whole reason you need to get this sorted is so you can get on with your lives together debt free. If she has nothing to hide she will show you everything. There may be things she feels you should be helping her out with, maybve financially or otherwise. Unhappiness for me is a huge trigger for spending and that's something my OH didn't realise.

My OH soon stopped commenting on my roots when he realised my trip to the hairdressers was costing £70 a pop! :rotfl:

barbarawright

I don't get why, if you know your partner is rubbish with money, you're relying on her to do something as important as paying council tax. It's just as much your responsibility as her's,

floss2

Beacuse when you are in a relationship, there is a huge amount of trust, and he obviously wants to trust her & believe what she is saying, whether it is true or not.

OP, never mind what the phone call to the Council Tax office result is - get that onto a DD from your account ASAP.

sassyblue

OP, you've seen the warning signs now you need to take control.....

You need to make sure all bills are coming out of YOUR account, regardless of what your OH says, she's hiding letters so she can't be trusted and turning the tables onto you is classic denial and her attempt to make you back down so she can continue to control the situation. Once she's had her lightbulb moment and you feel you can trust her making it a joint account would be the next step - you need to keep an eye on it.

The first house we bought was a repossession, the couple had separate back accounts and the husband gave the wife the money for bills which she wasn't paying. They had a child and she was a stay at home mum which enabled her to hide all the letters and demands that came. The first he knew was when she tearfully called him at work to come home, l'm not sure if bailiffs were there or they were being evicted but they moved out less than a week later. Strangley enough they are still together, l'm not sure many people could get past the deceit though, l couldn't. :cool:

Mojisola

sassyblue wrote: »

The first house we bought was a repossession, the couple had separate back accounts and the husband gave the wife the money for bills which she wasn't paying. They had a child and she was a stay at home mum which enabled her to hide all the letters and demands that came. The first he knew was when she tearfully called him at work to come home, l'm not sure if bailiffs were there or they were being evicted but they moved out less than a week later.

One of my relatives did the same - only she was spending the money on another man and the first he knew was when she walked out - he then found out just how far in arrears they were and almost lost his home.

gofaster711

I am in such a similar problem its uncanny! i have been with my girlfriend 3 years, weve been living together 2yrs, we found out August last year she was pregnant, and we know have a brilliant and beautiful 5month son. The problem is i found out November last year that she hadnt been paying the Council Tax, owed £900 and was in court preceedings, and shed racked up a £1000 vodaphone bill, and some other bills too. I have a few debts im clearing also and was on target to be out of debt by summer next year, but as she is on maternity i have basically had to adopt these problems and add to the outgoings (which are already tight) so did. i also took over all the bills and had the maternity money put into my account as she self admits shes bad with Direct debits. in the last month however ive learned shes ignored her 2 bank accounts and somehow owes LLoyds £1500 and Nationwide £2000 (all in interest from being overdrawn and ignoreing the problem!) im devastated! also in the last month turns out she used Quick Quid last year and didnt pay them back to owe £700 to them! I cant handle these debts on my own im incredibly stressed and at a loss with solutions. Part of me wants to say to her its her problem this time to sort, but i have no faith she will, and part of me wants to borrow again to consolidate all these debts but dont want to help her, as so fed up with her lies and lazyness. its such a ridiculous waste of money ignoring and letting interest charges rack up! ive threatened to leave her this time (to show the gravity of actions!) but i dont want to because i love her and shes a brilliant mum and girlfriend, just terrible with money! dont know what to do, be very interested to find out what your actions are next?