Caz counts it down

TizerCat

Hope you leg is ok and you got some sleep with the fire alarm beeping all night and the dog being poorly Caz?

Here's to a better day today

TC x

cazmanian_minx

DebtFree2012 wrote: »

Oh bloomin heck - at lest it's out the way now! Everything ok with the dog? I've not heard of the baby oil before!

Yes, she's fine thanks - she had another small chunder this morning (fortunately she had the forethought to jump off the bed first, for which I'm eternally grateful!), so I gave her a big spoonful of natural live yoghurt over her breakfast and she's been fine ever since. Too much fresh horse poo mucking out last night I think. The baby oil just helps the crusty bits loosen and drop off, does the job a treat as you only need to get one good handful on and then it does the rest of the job itself as the relevant part is swiftly withdrawn :rotfl:

For anyone non-horsey who is completely mystified, I'll post something that explains what we're on about in a sec....think I've shared it on one of Piq's threads before but not on here.

TizerCat wrote: »

Hope you leg is ok and you got some sleep with the fire alarm beeping all night and the dog being poorly Caz?

Here's to a better day today

TC x

It's not too bad, a bit sore still especially on stairs. My trainer is re-jigging my programme for me to take it into account. I actually went out like a light, the battery in the smoke alarm died and Mr Minx has come home, switched the breaker back on and of course the dratted fan is now working properly again. It'll be interesting to see if it does it when he has his shower in the morning.

Today's been a pretty good day, orders sent, proofreading done, picked up a corrections job for two inaccurate files, got my first job completed for the potential new transcription client, who now appears to be an actual new transcription client, and had an enquiry and subsequent booking from ANOTHER new transcription client :D

Oh, and my laptop arrived :D:D:D:D:D I'm typing on it now, it's massive compared with the old one, but the keyboard's much nicer, the screen's fab and although, yes, there's a little bit of wear to the trackpad, it's built like a brick outhouse (polite version ) and will easily last me several years. For £299 it's the absolute bargain of the century, so if anyone's looking for a new machine and doesn't mind a reconditioned business one, I can thoroughly, thoroughly recommend Tier1Online.

I'm thinking that my next purchase is going to have to be a transcription pedal. I finally found the hotkeys in the transcription software first new client wants me to use, only to discover that they only work when the transcription software is the active window - well, that's no use when I'm typing in Word, is it? :mad::mad::mad::mad: The one that's most recommended by the agency transcribers is on offer at Amazon for £33 at the moment (RRP £69), so I may spend some more of my birthday vouchers on it - at least I can claim back the VAT and offset it against tax.

Mr Minx is off again tomorrow to his reunion weekend, so it's nose back to grindstone for the next three days.

cazmanian_minx

Right, this will make most of the horsey people chuckle and most of the non-horsey people go EWWWWWW! One of the problems with owning a gelding (castrated male horse) is that they don't get the natural cleaning process that happens when a stallion covers a mare (I'm trying to explain this without tripping the MSE filters, it's not easy!) and so things can occasionally get a little crusty and need some cleaning. Courtesy of http://homepages.paradise.net.nz/kranch/Health%20Tips/health.htm this is what we gelding owners have to go through.


CLEANING YOUR HORSES SHEATH

1) Check to make sure there are no prospective boyfriends, elderly neighbours or Brownie troops with a line of sight to the proceeding. Though,
of course, they're probably going to show up unexpectedly ANYWAY once
you're in the middle of things. Prepare a good explanation.

2)Trim your fingernails short. Assemble horse, hose, and your sense of
humor (plus, ideally, Excalibur cleanser(this was written by someone in
USA - would probably just used a solution of vetadine and warm water?)
and perhaps thin rubber gloves).

3) Use hose (or damp sponge) to get the sheath and its inhabitant wet. Uh,
that is, do this in a 'civilized' fashion with due warning to the horse. He is apt
to take offense if an icy-cold hose blasts unexpectedly into his personal
regions

4) Now introduce your horse to Mr. Hand. What I find safest is to stand
facing the horse's head with my shoulder and hip snugly against the horse's
thigh and hip so that if he makes any suspicious move such as raising his
eg, I can feel it right away and am, in any case, pressed so close that all he
can do is shove, not really kick. The horse should be held by an assistant or
by your free hand, NOT tied fast to a post or to crossties. He may shift
around a good bit if he's not happy with Mr. Hand's antics but don't be put
off by that. As long as you are patient, and gradual and stick close to his
side, he'll get over it. Remember that it would be most unladylike of you to
simply make a direct grab for your horse's Part. Give the horse a clue about
what's on the program. Rest your hand against his belly, and then slide it
back till you are entering The Home of the Actual Private Part. When you
reach this first region of your destination, lube him up good with Excalibur
or whatever you're using. If the outer part of his sheath is really grungy, you
will feel little clods and nubblies of smegma peeling off as you grope around
in there. Patiently and gently expedite their removal.

5) Thus far you have probably only been in the outer part of the sheath.
The Part, itself, you'll have noticed, is strangely absent. That's because it has retired shyly to its inner chambers. Roll up them thar sleeves and follow in
after it
6) As you and Mr. Hand wend your way deeper into the sheath, you will
encounter what feels like a small portal that opens up into a chamber
beyond. Being attentive to your horse's reaction, invite yourself in. You are
now in the inner sanctum of The Actual Private Part. It's hiding in there
towards the back trying to pretend it isn't there. Say 'Hi' and wave to it. No,
really. Work your finger back and forth around the sides of it. If the horse
won't drop, this is your only shot at removing whatever dried smegma is
clinging to the surface of the Part itself. So, gently explore around it, pulling
out whatever crusty topsoil you find there. Use more water and more
Excalibur if necessary to loosen attached gunk.

7) When Mr. Hand and the Actual Private Part have gotten to know each
other pretty well, and the Part feels squeaky clean all around, there remains
only one task: checking for and removing the bean. The bean is a pale,
kidney-shaped accumulation of smegma in a small pouch just inside the
urethra. Not all horses accumulate a bean, but IME, the majority do, even if
they have no visible external smegma. The equine urethra is fairly large in
diameter and, indeed, will permit you to very gently insinuate one of your
slimmer fingers inside the urethral opening. Do so, and explore upwards for
what will feel like a lump or 'pea' buried no more than, I dunno, perhaps 3/4"
in from the opening. If you do encounter a bean, gently and sympathetically
persuade it out with your finger. This may require a little patience from
BOTH Mr. Hand AND the horse, but the horse will be happier and healthier
once it's accomplished. In the rare event that the bean is too enormous for
your finger to coax out, you might try what I did (in desperation) last month
on the orange horse: Wrap thumb and index finger around the end of the Part
and squeeze firmly to extrude the bean. Much to my surprise, it worked and
orange horse did NOT kill me for doing it and he does not seem to have
suffered any permanent damage as a result. I have never in my life seen
another bean that enormous, though.

8) Now all that's left to do is make a graceful exit and rinse the area very
thoroughly in apology for the liberties you've taken. A hose will be much
easier to use here than just a sponge and bucket, IME. Make sure to direct
the water into the Part's inner retreat, too, not merely the outer part of
the sheath. This may require you to enfold the end of the hose in your hand and guide it up there personally.
9) Ta-da, you are done! Say, "Good horsie" and feed him lots of carrots.
Watch him make funny faces at the way your hands smell. Hmmm. Well,
perhaps there is ONE more step.

10) The only thing I know of that is at all effective in removing the lovely
fragrance of smegma from your hands (fingernails, arms, elbows and
wherever else it's gotten) is Excalibur. Even then, if you didn't use gloves,
you may find you've got an unusual personal perfume for a while. So, word
to the wise, do NOT clean your horse's sheath just before an important job
interview or first date. And, of course, there is that one FINAL step:

11) Figure out how to explain all this to your mother (or the kid from next door, or the meter reader, or whomever else you've just realized has been
standing in the barn doorway speechlessly watching the entire process. Now
go forth and clean that Part

baglady1

Wow, Caz thanks for that (I think). Who knew... <wanders off to mull over personal horse care>

brizzledfw

Blimey. I am with you bag lady...that's some pet duty!

TizerCat

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Cheered up my morning!

As the owner of 2 geldings I go for the baby oil option, although Mr H likes to 'hang out' when ever he has a bucket feed, making inspection easier!

Have a good day!

TC x

DebtFree2012

This has given me the Friday morning giggle I was hoping for - fabulous!!!!

Igamogam

I knew there was a reason not to own a horse.

cazmanian_minx

Well, they're late scores on the doors, but at least they're on Friday

Business
Overdraft: -£-7,400.00 / -£7,270.00 +£130.00

Business total: -£7,400.00 / -£7,270.00 +£130.00

Personal
Nationwide card: -£1,050.00 / -£1,050.00 no change
Halifax card: -£5,430.00 / -£5,430.00 no change

Personal total: -£6,480.00 / -£6,480.00 no change

Grand total: -£13,880.00 / -£13,750.00 +£130.00

Not exactly a huge change, but the eagle-eyed amongst you may have spotted that my signature now says 50.1% paid off :D:D:D:D:D:D



In other news, I've had the six-monthly electricity bill through after the Hydro's meter reader came round a few days ago and we are a massive £287.33 in credit We actually stand a fighting chance of coming out of winter not owing them any money next year (electric heating, normally this isn't the case...)

Anyway, Mr Minx is away and I have both stock to list and transcription to do, so it's back to work for me. Have a good Friday night, everyone

cazmanian_minx

Evening all. 9.30 on a Saturday night is time I stopped working and came and had a look at MSE, right?

I spent this morning rattling through 11,000 words of transcription for the second new client and emailed it back to her. She won't get it until she's back in the office on Monday, but at least it'll demonstrate that my turnaround time is pretty quick. I now know why journalists always have cashflow problems though - the publisher of this magazine's payment terms are 45 days after publication of the issue your work is for - given this is a monthly title, so probably being worked on well in advance, goodness knows when I'll actually get paid. Hang on, I have the issue number, so I can Google....right, 'my' issue is 234, October is 232, so I may not get paid until January for this :eek::eek: In the meantime, of course, I have to pay the VAT on the invoice in October :mad::mad:

Oh well, work is work I suppose, and the good news is that the late-paying transcription client is now all paid up :D I had a good sit-down with YNAB today and caught up the personal side, which was lagging a bit. It's not been that expensive a month, largely in part to Mr Minx being away so much which has brought the shopping bills down enormously , but the horses had a pricey one with 40 bales of hay, Finn's tummy stuff and farrier pushing the total to nearly £350. To balance it out, I shouldn't actually need to spend anything on them next month. (And if that isn't a cue for a socking great vet's bill for something, I don't know what is....:rotfl:) Everything is covered for October bar £300 short on the transfer of savings to the offset account and the credit card payments, which will be covered by Mr Minx's £650 and my transcription and proofreading money.

I've also got the bead accounts up to date this evening, as month end is going to be on us soon. When I ran the VAT calculation at the end of last month, it told me I was only going to owe the VAT man £110 at the end of the quarter. I ran it today and it's gone up to £611:eek: Hooray for having a good month of sales, I suppose, looking on the bright side