Scared to leave

marisco_2

Are you living in the UK or abroad right now? I notice you have put your location as France. Depending on where you currently are will effect what you can do next.

Becles

Definitely contact WA. They will meet you in a neutal place so if anyone sees you, it looks like you just bumped into an old friend for a natter. They'll find out more about you and advise on the best options to take.

Once you're separated, they will hold your hand for as long as you need and help you with solicitors and anyone else you need to speak to. They'll also offer counselling for both you and the girls.

Definitely worth ringing them. It is scary making that call, but once it's done and you are being looked after and starting a new life, you'll realise it was worth making the call.

Thinking of you and hoping you find the courage to do something xx

beautiful_ravens

It will not be easy to leave the house unless youre prepared. Since you arent going anywhere right this second, go round your house and think about what important things need sorting to take with you. Paperwork- Birth certificates. ID. Clothing. General stuff you want or will need. Things youd want kept or thrown out, stuff you wouldnt want to remain at your house.. Then when the time comes to actually go, it will be a lot easier to just grab everything/pack it and go and be sure you at least have all your important documents.
Think about how you will go - will you hire a van? Check out man-and-van hire prices. Or get friends to help you? Who? Have you got packing boxes? Suitcases? Bags? etc.

Im not sure what sort of housing youd find or get, but benefits will help top your income up until youre sorted enough to maybe work more. A housing association might be able to help you.
You should be ok on a part time job [16+ hours] for a bit, you wouldnt get income support, but youd get child and working tax credits, housing & council tax benefit.

Take care.

Mojisola

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

It will not be easy to leave the house unless youre prepared. Since you arent going anywhere right this second, go round your house and think about what important things need sorting to take with you. Paperwork- Birth certificates. ID. Clothing. General stuff you want or will need. Things youd want kept or thrown out, stuff you wouldnt want to remain at your house.. Then when the time comes to actually go, it will be a lot easier to just grab everything/pack it and go and be sure you at least have all your important documents.
Think about how you will go - will you hire a van? Or get friends to help you? Who? Have you got packing boxes? Suitcases? etc.

Even better with the paperwork - try to get it out of the house now and store it somewhere save.

Would it be noticed if was removed now? If it would, could you get the important paperwork photocopied and put back in place. If you can't get your hands on the paperwork when you have to leave, the photocopies would be better than nothing in the meantime.

mazza111

Hiya hon,

Sending big hugs and positive thoughts to you.

I was in a similar situation to you several years ago, although not physical abuse or drinking. The best advice I can give you is to get any paperwork into a handbag or something that's easy to grab. Is there anyway when he goes out to the shop for a couple of hours you could pack a couple of bags ready for the off? If not don't worry.

Contact women's aid. They will offer you a safe haven where he won't know where you are. They can arrange to get personal belongings collected with the police too. As for finances, you will be able to do it.

You've already taken the first step in asking for advice, you've already taken the 2nd step by acknowledging that it's time to leave. The 3rd step is a hard one, but you know in your heart of hearts it's the right one. Get out, the 4th step, is getting settled into your new place and getting on with your life. Step 3 may be hard, especially if you're in temp accommodation for a short period, but you will get there!!!

RAS

Lisa

Are you in the UK now?

Are the children UK citizens?

lisax_2

RAS - yes we are all UK citizens and live permanently in the UK.

I will definitely contact Womens Aid when I have time on my own, hopefully tey will be able to point me in the right direction to sorting out a home to move into....that seems to be the thing that is most worrying me, the actual renting a house, my husband has always sorted everything like that.

mazza111

Lisa, they may put you either into a shared house at first or have a suitable property. When my sister had to go through them, they gave her a 2 bedroom flat, while waiting for the council to find a house for her. Even if it means a few weeks of roughing it, it will be worth it

daska

You've already done the hardest thing - you've decided that you are leaving.

From this point on it's just a matter of working out the how and when and WomensAid can give you all the help you need with that. And they will make it as easy as possible.

As suggested by beautiful_ravens, take some time to put together the information and paperwork that will be needed/ useful. If you have a digital camera you can photograph it while he's at 'the shop' rather than remove it.

Valuables and trinkets that have sentimental value - anything you really couldn't bear to lose needs to be made safe. If he won't notice their absence then see if you can store them with family/friends. If he will then make a list of where they are so you can go around the house and pick them up quickly as you leave. Anything really vital - claim you've had an accident and put it in for repair

Paper work. e.g. passports, driving licence, birth certificates, bank accounts, insurance, tax forms, pension details. Remember to take the details of his things as well - you don't want him taking the girls out of the country to your other house and you may be entitled to some of his pension etc.

Children's clothes/ toys/ bedlinen - the more familiar things they have around them the easier they will find it. Take bedlinen so that even if they're in a different bed it's still familiar.

Best of luck

tattycath

Hi Hun. I've been in your position. My ex was and still is alcohol dependent. Oh he provided for myself and the children. He was also abusive-first physical violence and then mental cruelty. The mental cruelty was worse than the physical abuse TBH. He begged me to give him another chance-I declined. It was difflicult but i had to leave for the sake of my sanity and for the children. It was a scary prospect, leaving, finding somewhere to live and wondering how i'd cope financially-I only worked part time, house was in his name. I left him 12 years ago and never looked back.
I'm now with a wonderful guy - we've been together 6 years and are very happy.
Take the advice you have been given hun and get out of there asap. (((hugs)))