Give me patience, please!

[Deleted User]

chesky369 wrote: »

Oh, cut the old duck some slack - she's 87 for god's sake and she's allowed a bit of a moan if she feels like it. I'm 20 years younger and I certainly do every now and then.

That is why we will never willingly go anywhere to be surrounded by old moanies. Dh and I don`t moan, no not at all. Why should we? Our lives are of our own making. Moaning helps no-one and certainly doesn`t attract sympathy, just alienation

Moaners are energy draining and I am an energy giver. I am now old enough and wise enough to avoid the energy drainers. That is what happens to moaners, they gradually become lonely old people

princesstippytoes

kittie wrote: »

That is why we will never willingly go anywhere to be surrounded by old moanies. Dh and I don`t moan, no not at all. Why should we? Our lives are of our own making. Moaning helps no-one and certainly doesn`t attract sympathy, just alienation

Moaners are energy draining and I am an energy giver. I am now old enough and wise enough to avoid the energy drainers. That is what happens to moaners, they gradually become lonely old people

Smug people can be energy draining too.

pollypenny

chesky369 wrote: »

Oh, cut the old duck some slack - she's 87 for god's sake and she's allowed a bit of a moan if she feels like it. I'm 20 years younger and I certainly do every now and then.

I am 22 years younger and while I might have the odd moan, I don't put a guilt trip on to my kids.


My point is that she is not helping herself. We all have to cope with changes in our lives and have to make the best of them. Living 300 miles away, there's not a lot great deal I can do, other that phone calls and a couple of visits a year.

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

All I had was how she can go a week without speaking to anyone, how the neighbours have all changed etc etc .

However, she also tell me how a lovely lady is trying to get her to join the WI, which even has a little drop-in centre near the bus stop she uses. She also has one very close friend with whom she takes little trips.

I sometimes think that some old people don't have things joined up in their minds.

My Mum is a bit like this.

She will say 'I never go out' and we'll say:

'What about the classes you go to every Tuesday?'
'What about your regular Wednesday evening trip to a senior people's group? Didn't you say how much you enjoyed the pie and pea supper?'
'What about last Sunday? We all went out for lunch.'
etc etc

Her reply?
'Oh, well, I forgot about those.' :huh:

Errata

We do indeed all have to cope with changes during our lifetime. The aunt has already coped with a childhood spent during the great depression when people took part in hunger marches, the fear engendered byWW2, having food rationed for quite a number of years, living under the shadow of the Cold War, to name just a few changes.
I don't mean to sound po-faced about all this, but people in their 80's have lived through situations, and coped with them, that nobody would wish on their worst enemy.

pmlindyloo

Such a familiar story and in my opinion it's all about your feeling guilty that you can't do more.

Have been there and got the T shirt - nearly ended up being very ill because I was emotionally blackmailed into making long trips to see my Mum whilst I was working full time.

Over the years I have learnt to be much more realistic. I will do what I can but not make myself ill worrying about it and 'overstretching myself'.

You seem to be very caring and doing what you can in the circumstances.

I have got to the stage where if my mum moans I feel she is still 'engaged' in the world and it's just her nature!

Whatever you do don't become full of guilt. Believe me, older people 'move on' in their own way and have no idea that their moaning is a kind of emotional blackmail.

pelirocco

kittie wrote: »

That is why we will never willingly go anywhere to be surrounded by old moanies. Dh and I don`t moan, no not at all. Why should we? Our lives are of our own making. Moaning helps no-one and certainly doesn`t attract sympathy, just alienation

Moaners are energy draining and I am an energy giver. I am now old enough and wise enough to avoid the energy drainers. That is what happens to moaners, they gradually become lonely old people

Famous last words i'm afraid , age and ill health can change people

Btw you are moaning here :rotfl:

Pollycat

kittie wrote: »

That is why we will never willingly go anywhere to be surrounded by old moanies.

But how do you know people are going to be old moanies in the first place?

Or do you avoid old people in general in case they turn out to be old moanies?

kittie wrote: »

Our lives are of our own making.

Not always.
My Mum has had a knee replacement and heart surgery. As a result, she is not as mobile as she would like to be or we would wish her to be.
That is not of her own making.

pollypenny

I know I'm not going to change her. All I can do is hope that she will take up the offers of friendship from other widowed ladies, like her next door neighbour, or even ask her in for a cup of tea.

Thanks for reading and sensible comments, folks.

Here endeth the thread?

Savvy_Sue

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Believe me, older people 'move on' in their own way and have no idea that their moaning is a kind of emotional blackmail.

Oh, I think some of them know exactly what they're doing!