Delegation failure :-(

epskie

We are a family of 4 - myself, Husband, DS1 aged 11, DS2 aged 6.
I do absolutely everything in this house bar 2 weekly meals (tues and fri dinners) All housework, cleaning, cooking, dog walking, laundry and all other chores. My husband is in a band and a part time Darth Vader and Stormtrooper (don't ask!) I also work almost full time and Husband does work full time.

His hobby paraphernalia has our home cluttered beyond belief (3 guitars, 3 amps, speakers, 2 darth vaders, 2 stormtroopers, various lights and mannequins) and it's getting me down

Does anybody have any advice on successful delegation of tasks and good storage ideas? I would greatly appreciate it, thanks

mummybearx

Buy him a shed? :rotfl:

I can only sympathise with you, my DH is in a band, plays his guitar('s) all the time, and has started up his own business repairing and building guitars and repairing plant machinery.

I can tell you, my house is getting narrower and narrower by the day!! Guitar cases lined up in the kitchen, the hall, all over the living room, and this is on top of me allowing the spare room to be turned into his workshop!!

I, like you, do all the housework, dinners etc, DH does most of the dog walking though. I have got to the point where I literally clean and tidy round his stuff lying everwhere. One half of the living room floor hasn't been cleaned for at least 4 months (no joke!) and the piano in the same corner is badly needing dusted.

x

epskie

Ahhhh just to know I'm not alone is a relief :rotfl:

Cat501

I can't believe this still happens when both partners are working full time! What century are we in??

I'd be sitting OH down, asking him to pull his weight with his home and family, and if he refuses I'd go on strike - no cooking/ironing/washing done for him.

the_cat

I think you need to change your attitude.... if you lay down and let him, he will continue to treat you as a doormat. Your kids will follow suit.

Unless you are happy to take on an unfair level of the work for ever in order that he can have his hobbies uninterrupted by family life, then you are going to have to stand up for yourself and claim your right to a life beyond drudgery!!!!!

It probably won't be easy. After all, he has got away with it for at least the last 12 years from what you say but unless you tackle it head on, you will still be saying the same things in 10, 20 or 30 years

bargainbetty

My ex-OH, a few months after we'd moved in together, asked me where his clean pants were. I said I didn't know, when did he last do a wash and where had he put them? He looked at me for a few seconds, and then quietly loaded the washing machine with his dirty clothes. I had been doing all the washing for months, and had decided enough was enough. I stopped doing his laundry and in less than a week he was doing his share.

I cooked, he cleaned, he scrubbed the whole kitchen, I did the bathroom, we shared ignoring the hoover - laundry was the only thing he assumed I would do for him. I also handled all the finances of the home, made more than half the decisions and usually was the one sorting things out, but that's the control freak in me.

Your kids are old enough to bring their laundry downstairs and sort it into coloured/lights/darks. They are also old enough to tidy their own rooms. The oldest is old enough to help with dishes - drying and putting away/loading the dishwasher if nothing else. Your OH is old enough to know better, but as long as you let him get away with nothing, he will do nothing!

Give him tasks and tell him that Star Wars comes second to your household. Better still, get hold of one of the Princess Leia slave girl costumes and make him chase you around the house with a duster.

BristolBob

bargainbetty wrote: »

Better still, get hold of one of the Princess Leia slave girl costumes and make him chase you around the house with a duster.

Oh my! (but it would be one more thing to wash).

vanoonoo

what happens for meals on tues and fri?

I would suggest its rota time - work out what needs to be done, when it has to be done and who has the ability to do it and then it has to be done before the hobbies are enjoyed

that or get a cleaner, dog walker and cook which would leave all of you time to do laundry and hobbies

Amaretti_2

Go on strike.

If a woman is a stay at home mum and housewife she should take care of everything in the home. If a woman is also working full time then all chores need to be shared. As others have said, the children are old enough to tidy their rooms, the 11 year old much more. When I was 11 I was cleaning the house from top to bottom every Saturday and cooked the occasional roast dinner on a Sunday by my own, so it can be done.

Do not under any circumstances give intimate pleasure to hubby, only allow him to pleasure you, until he gets his marigolds on that is.

[Deleted User]

As one of the ...errr older folk on here I read this with interest.I was an old -fashioned wife yet never a doormat.I cooked, cleaned, fed and looked after the children, and after awhile went back to work full-time when times got tough.
I adored my OH and it never occured to me not to do things for him. I balanced the books and shopped and the only things I ever wanted him to do was wash the windows (outsides only ) and mow the lawn.
As my two DDs used to say I waited on him hand,foot and finger, and I know he appreciated it .He wasn't lazy or idle, he worked very hard all of his life to provide for his family.In almost 40 years he never paid a bill, and had not a clue as to what needed paying, when, or where .he rarely carried money on him as to him I did all the finances, and what ever he wanted he normally had without a quibble.I ran the house and made the majority of decisions .He attitude was 'I earn it .you spend it' we never fell out over money or the lack of it.

Its almost nine years since I lost him to a heart attack and if he was here today nothing would change, as I enjoyed looking after him and considered it was part of my role as his wife to do so.I never felt demeaned or less of a person and certainly never a doomat.He was lovely, kind, generous, good-hearted man who hadn't got a mean bone in his body, he would give his last penny away to anyone who needed it .

When he died just before his funeral my youngest DD when to the funeral parlour and tucked in his top pocket along with notes from the grandchildren a fiver so her Dad wouldn't go out of this world without a penny (she also tucked a lottery ticket in there,bless her as both he and her enjoyed a saturday night ticket each and would phone each other up to see how they got on )Today's women have been brought up in a different generation and their ideas are not bad, just different to mine.If you ever met me you would know that I am no one's doormat and can be quite feisty at times .

My OH also played his guitar and had two of them which sometimes got in the way, but as he would love to play and sing to us all so how can you get cross with someone who is singing to you as you are in labour (as he did when my youngest was being born in 1969 at home ,(much to the amusement of the midwife )No I was happy to wait (look) after him and given the choice would do so again like a shot

Trow

JackieO, it sounds like that worked for you, which is great.

IMO though, it is better for both partners to know how things work. If one person does everything then if they pass first the person left behind can get in a terrible muddle - ive seen it happen to both men and women. Its a bigger issue with finance than it is with household chores, but it causes real problems. Especially with people with no family nearby to advise and help out.