Adult night terrors/nightmares help.

meritaten

it isnt night 'terrors' its nightmares. and you know exactly why they are happening from your Original Post.
He is scared witless hun - he cannot verbalise it during the day or even admit to you or himself how scared he is..........therefore he is haveing dreams which force him to react.
to dream a building is crashing down on you is self explanatory - he is scared that everything is coming crashing down - he throws himself across you because you are most precious to him and he wants to protect you - which is why he wont admit to being scared that this project is going to go 'T!ts up'!
I would find a way of taking the pressure off him - because right now the dreams are a 'safety valve' - but the dreams themselves are putting pressure on him arent they?
tbh - I think he has taken on too much - he needs help, practical help to take the pressure off, can you afford a project manager or take on some of the tasks yourself?

caevans

Agree with above, not sure going to GP would be helpful. I have never bothered going myself. In USA I think they often prescribe Valium to help...
I started getting night terrors when I was 16 so about 19 years ago. They are utterly terrifying, so I empathise so much with your partner. I also am known to try to 'protect' during a night terror ! My husband now just reassures me and goes back to sleep.
They usually occur within the first hour of going to sleep but on a bad night I can have 5 or 6 terrors. Not fun.
I am not sure how old your OH is or how long he has been having terrors, but over the years mine have become less visually scary (used to see people), and easier to cope with.
Stress is definitely a factor for me. During exams etc I used to suffer very badly. I have now learned to try and chill before bedtime i.e read a book/watch tv and immediately go to bed to try to stop myself from thinking about the stressful situation. Helps a bit for me.
Another thing that helps me during a terror is to hit the lightswitch, it brings me out of it a lot quicker. Does he have a light beside his side of the bed that he can hit? Or if you can flick a light on?
He has my every sympathy, but you can live a normal life with terrors so try not to worry too much. If he can find a way to channel his stress rather than take it to bed with him he will probably find that helps a great deal.
Am sure my husband has every sympathy with you! We are just hoping our 2 daughters don't develop it........

caevans

Meritaten - what makes you say they are nightmares and not terrors? Sound like terrors to me....

faerie~spangles

squirrelchops wrote: »

Hi all

I have been reading on line and think OH is suffering with night terrors but any advice or help with this is appreciated as neither he or I know how to help.

Since OH has been working on our house renovation project (he is doing this as a full time job now and has given up full time employment) he has been suffering at night.

OH initially thought the bed was on a tilt and he was sinking into the ground. This has altered to him now waking up shouting and thinking that something is coming through the walls or when he is staying in the van on site that the scaffolding is going to fall on the van, or the side of the house is falling down. in real life the side of the house is timber framed and having to be bracketed up so there is some logic here! He will wake up wild eyed and will be looking out the window to check everything ok. He is very distressed.

Seriously though at the weekend he woke up 5 times. Twice he leant over me trying to protect me as he thought something was going to fall on me.

He can remember waking up distressed. He has also begun waking up shouting out loud. At the weekend he woke up within an hour of going to bed.

I thought it was nightmares but looking on line I am thinking he fits the criteria for night terrors.

So what can be done to help with this. He doesnt want medication but will this eventually go away - it has been approx 4 months now since these episodes began.

Seems to me that your OH is under severe stress.

meritaten

caevans wrote: »

Meritaten - what makes you say they are nightmares and not terrors? Sound like terrors to me....

night terrors usually have no apparent reason.
They sound like nightmares to me because they are related to a situation which is in the 'real world'. The person is in charge of a building project in the 'real world' and the dreams are directly related to that. that is obvious from the subject matter of the dream and that the dream is recurring.
night terrors are usually not related to real world situations so are hard to resolve.
people in the grip of terrors are very hard to wake - the OP didnt mention that. and they would if it was a night terror!
It is just my opinion based on my bro who suffered them for years - and a period I had of nightmares after my first son was born. Plus a Psychology degree.
I could well be wrong. but, if someone in charge of a building project is having dreams about that project - then I would be wary of describing those dreams as terrors. I would probably ascribe the dreams to anxiety about the project.

Caitlin_Bree

Are you currently living on one of the building sites? I just wondered because that would make it much more difficult for him to shut his brain off at night. When you're working in an office you can leave at five, when you live at work, there is literally no escape from it.

It does sound stress related but I think there will be things he can do to help. As caevans said, switching off before bed is important. read a book..listen to music, try not to expose him to anything that's going to make him stressed/anxious/overstimulated (ie. the news) before you sleep.

If he could bear to do it, meditation might help..look on youtube for easy yoga positions/relaxation exercises (I also laughed at the idea... and then fell asleep on a cold, concrete floor after doing some).
Maybe also switching to de-caf for a while or reducing caffeine before bed. Same with tobacco intake if he's a smoker.

Also, he may find it helpful to write down what he needs to take care of and when he'll be able to do it. It's bad enough having one property to sort out, I expect having several building sites (with no comprehensive schedule for what needs to be done and when) is going to leave him facing a wall of jobs that he needs to be constantly aware of.

It sounds like mentally juggling a long list of things is keeping his mind working overtime.
Knowing, and being able to see what he's got to do, and when it can be done, may help put his mind at rest at the end of the day.


Finally, if you are having work done on the property that you're living in. Make a point of getting out and away often, even if just to go for a walk in the park or woods. Because when you're living amongst it it does become difficult to see the end of works, which makes it very difficult to shut it out and shut off.
A lot of this applies even if you're not having work done on your home. Hope it helps.

Just reread the OP, you said you are living amongst it. You have my sympathy. I still think he needs to find a way to signify the end of his work day (beyond showering) and turn his work brain off. This sounds like it's all-consuming.

caevans

Meritaten, that's not my experience of night terrors and everyone is different. I used to see people that I had seen during the day. Or if I had watched a programme with snakes, they would feature in the terrors.
Also, I come out of them easily with light on, which is why I suggested it to OP. it may help them.
If the OP Husband believes they are terrors then he would know. Nothing compares nightmares to terrors.

Gigglepig

I would try to have a serious talk with him about his anxiety levels and what makes him feel under pressure. If it has gotten to a point where it impacts his health and well being, is it possible to either let go of this renovation project or find ways to make him feel less stressed about it?

findingmyownway

My OH has suffered like this on and off for a couple of years. For him, it is a reflection of the stress/worries of real life. He has had a lot to deal with (unexpected illness and major surgery) and although has coped amazingly well in daily life, the nightmares are definitely his bodies way of dealing with the stresses.

For example he had to have a stomach catheter fitted and his dreams for a while revolved around people attacking him and pulling it out, or him trying to run away but finding it was attached to something and so he couldnt move. All valid fears but not something you worry about consciously.

It sounds like worryig about the building falling down is completely related to the ongoing housing projects. Whether he is literally worried that the work he is doing isn't good enough/safe, or that he just can't cope with the project as a whole is something you'll need to explore with him. Is there anything you can do to reduce the pressure on him?

RAS

One very small thing.

When I have a fever Stephen King directs my nightmares.

The same happens when I get too hot in bed for any other reason. I hate hotel rooms and central heating as a result.

I suspect OH feels under a lto fo pressure and is terrified it will all fall down but he may be able to reduce the problem by making sure he is comfortable and can adjust his bedding - no sleeping bags for instance.