Adult night terrors/nightmares help.

squirrelchops

Hi all

I have been reading on line and think OH is suffering with night terrors but any advice or help with this is appreciated as neither he or I know how to help.

Since OH has been working on our house renovation project (he is doing this as a full time job now and has given up full time employment) he has been suffering at night.

OH initially thought the bed was on a tilt and he was sinking into the ground. This has altered to him now waking up shouting and thinking that something is coming through the walls or when he is staying in the van on site that the scaffolding is going to fall on the van, or the side of the house is falling down. in real life the side of the house is timber framed and having to be bracketed up so there is some logic here! He will wake up wild eyed and will be looking out the window to check everything ok. He is very distressed.

Seriously though at the weekend he woke up 5 times. Twice he leant over me trying to protect me as he thought something was going to fall on me.

He can remember waking up distressed. He has also begun waking up shouting out loud. At the weekend he woke up within an hour of going to bed.

I thought it was nightmares but looking on line I am thinking he fits the criteria for night terrors.

So what can be done to help with this. He doesnt want medication but will this eventually go away - it has been approx 4 months now since these episodes began.

marisco_2

Nightmares or night terrors are the subconscious processing day to day worries and concerns.

Have you sat down together and discussed the house renovation? Does he feel confidant in himself about having given up a full time job and taken on this size of project? Once he gets on top of how he feels about it all hopefully things will settle down for him and these disturbances in his sleep will stop.

Is he doing all this by himself, with your support of course, or is there a team of people working with him? Maybe him speaking with them and getting a solid project management plan in place may help settle his nerves.

Tiddlywinks

squirrelchops wrote: »

So what can be done to help with this. He doesnt want medication but will this eventually go away - it has been approx 4 months now since these episodes began.

I don't think "Dr Google" or MSE peeps are going to be able to help anywhere near as much as a qualified doctor.

There could be psychological or physical reasons for his symptoms - you really do need to encourage him to talk to his GP.

Why has he not gone to the doctor?

concerned43

my DS has the same thing and it has been put down to anxiety - a trip to his GP may help.

whitewing

Isn't it lovely that he is protecting you even as he is dreaming?

When my DH is very stressed he gets bad dreams. I recognise the signs now and if I shush shush him and say to him that he is having a bad dream it abates. Then I make a point of mentioning it in the morning and giving him some head space (it is more frequent of we have a busy spell and he doesn't get the chance to be on his own).

squirrelchops

thank you all for your replies.

Marisco - I have had the exact same conversation with him already regarding why we dream/have nightmares. His is understandably anxious as this is a huge deal with the house (well actually houses) but I try to offer emotional support. He doesn't have anyone who is on site permanently day to day as he is sourcing sub contractors. As it is an hour away from me we don't see each other everyday at the moment.

Why has he not gone to the GP - well I hate to be sexist when I say this but 'typical bloke'!! He would say he is so busy that he doesn't have the time to miss several hours off site due to what, is at the moment a nightmare booking system at the GPs. I know he will be anti medication - he is already on different meds for a couple of other physical things for life.

I have tried things with him such as using 'Worry people' and also making him say out loud where he is before bed at home as he thinks he is back on site.

he acknowledges that he is under huge pressure at the moment. I have also asked him if there is anything else - thinking maybe the parallel to the fact he is doing up houses and that is what he is dreaming of is too simple! So I asked if he thought everything was ok with our relationship in case deep down he was seeing 'cracks' and hence the nightmares (I have just added to his neuroses!!!).

LandyAndy

When I was very unhappy I had them a lot and they were terrifying.

When I was happier, they went away. I still get them very occasionally.

Tiddlywinks

squirrelchops wrote: »

... he is already on different meds for a couple of other physical things for life.

Some medication can have side effects e.g. some Parkinsons drugs can give you very vivid dreams/nightmares and can increase your chances of developing an addiction or contribute to personality changes.

Some medical conditions can cause hallucinations or disturbed sleep.

Anyway, the broken sleep patterns (along with what seems like a really stressful life) must mean that your OH is knackered - not great if he's working with power tools or the like.

Make an appointment for him and then take him to the doctor - tell him it is for your benefit and ask him to do it for you.

Torry_Quine

I can fully see that this is a difficult situation for both of you. My husband has night terrors from time to time and they can be very frightening. He can think I'm attacking him and warding him off isn't easy. The only advice his GP gave him was to sleep in seperate beds and that isn't happening!

It definitely seemed like stress related in his case and talking to someone really helped to put things into perspective. Also don't try to wake him up unless the situation is dangerous but use lots of reassurance.

He never remembers having them the next morning although he's very tired.

squirrelchops

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Some medication can have side effects e.g. some Parkinsons drugs can give you very vivid dreams/nightmares and can increase your chances of developing an addiction or contribute to personality changes.

Some medical conditions can cause hallucinations or disturbed sleep.

Anyway, the broken sleep patterns (along with what seems like a really stressful life) must mean that your OH is knackered - not great if he's working with power tools or the like.

Make an appointment for him and then take him to the doctor - tell him it is for your benefit and ask him to do it for you.

It isn't a side effect of his medication as he has been on the same meds for a couple of years already.

I agree about the safety side of things. I have just spoken to him and he still doesn't want to see the GP - I think he is hoping there must come a point when things calm down for him.

We have been in some pretty stressful situations before but this must really be getting to him

peachyprice

Your poor OH, I do feel for him. I've suffered from night terrors on and off for years.

He's obviously worried about something and the only way to stop the night terrors is to deal with what is worrying him. I'm terrible for facing up to things and tend to be able to put things to the back of my mind during the day, but they come back to haunt me at night. I've had the bed falling through the floor, someone trying to stab me, all sorts of nasty things happening to me.

Is he worried about money now he isn't working? Or worried that the project is to big for him? Honestly, the only way it's going to get better is by facing his demons letting you help him to deal with whatever is worrying him.

I'm not sure the doctor can do anything for him TBH, except give him something to help him sleep, but that's not dealing with the root cause and his anxiety will just manifest it's self in another way.