What age would you let a child live in a basement flatlet?

gingin_2

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Not an easy one tough, as the current arrangement does not sound good. How did you decide between your older child having the small room and the yonger one the bigger room? (Not a crit, just wondering, as oldest is likely to want their own space sooner than a younger child)

I think the den was really the sell off, I told him that if he took the small room, we would make him a nice room downstairs that was mainly geared to his needs - and it is, it's a great room for his and his friends to hang out in. Also I knew that he could take the downstairs bedroom at some point before DD, it's just when ( although I really would like to move before he gets to mid teens). DD tends to hovver around me when she's not at school, she really isn't interested in electronic things and has more "stuff" that's better kept in her room. If the house didn't have the den we wouldn't have bought it given the bedroom situation and it's one of the most used rooms in the house. Her bedroom isn't huge either, it's a single as well but much better laid out.

His bedroom is perhaps not that bad. The bathroom was done by the previous owners and it makes very little sense, it's the proper downside of the house. We are doing big building work on the house later in the year and so I think there are a few things we can do for DS whilst that is being done to make his current room more practical, I'd post a picture of it if it wasn't so messy!

I am really grateful for all the responses, lots of things I hadn't thought of that make sense, so thanks very much.

Ames

I was going to say the same as Bogof Babe, can't you just lock the room to the den at a set time every night? In fact it might be worth doing that anyway in case he tries to sneak down after bedtime.

cottonhead

I would say its fine if he is fne with it becauae from what you describe it would just be like living in a 3 story town house - am I right ? It doenst have seperate enterance or anything. Plenty of people sleep on a different floor to their kids and at 12 he doenst need you to be on hand immediatly.
The only concern woud be the TV / computer thing. Is the room with the pc and tv seperate ? I would try trusting him for a while - tell him that past a certain time he is not to use it. He will probably value you trusting him. If then he does brake the rules afer a few sneaky spot checks then lock that room if you are able to.
Also insist that he is also to eat meals with the family so he doenst dissapear completly. Sounds like most teenagers dream to have a special space of their own!

ALIBOBSY

Spendless wrote: »

I've got a 12yo boy and would be perfectly happy with this set up for mine.

DH says you can turn the internet off - though he doesn't tell me how and I've no idea myself and he's currently watching a film but I' m sure someone else can explain (you could try the Techie board). I'd also expect him to know what to do if the smoke alarm goes off (though he should know that anyway)

Not just the internet the whole computer. Ours has a log in with a password only I and OH know so the kids can't log in without permission and is also set to switch off completely at certain times of the evening (saves electric as well ).
OH said its set to run the virus check then shut down for the night and because of the password even if DS snook back downstairs it would be pointless.
Our DS is slightly older at 14 and we are saving to get the garage converted to give him his own room and the PC will still be downstairs and set like this so he can't access it.

A more low tech version would be to unplg the modem and take the power connector or modem with you.

Mind you DS is like me once in bed he falls asleep like a log and is out for the night so we only need to check he is out for the count anyway lol.

We did have a program for a while where it limited the time each child could have on the PC (and if they say did chores or were extra good we could add extra time).

Ali x

Cat501

I can see the dilemma because of the sleep disturbance when DS sleeps in his bedroom. I wouldn't be so worried about the pc etc but I am overly worried about proximity - I know it's silly and I do curb it but I have a daft fear of intruders etc and like to be able to hear what is going on - I got better when we moved out of a ground floor flat to a second floor one!

Is there any way you can think completely outside the box and make a living room into a bedroom? Or change the location of the bathroom so DS isn't disturbed at night?

Jinx

When I moved house 5 years ago, my daughter was 15 and I was a bit worried about her being at the opposite end of our (long) house on a different floor with everything flammable inbetween, ie kitchen, garage etc so So we checked the smoke alarms and we bought her her own fire extinguisher.... Re the internet, hubby started turning off the wifi on his way to bed each night as she was on Facebook waaay too much.

thegirlintheattic

It's good practice anyway to disable the computer so that teens cannot use it without permission.

If the den is not a through room to an exit I would lock it at night and put him down there, move computer upstairs. He is old enough not to be on the same floor as you and from what you say he spends much of his time in the den anyway so been 'cut off from the family' wouldn't be an issue.

kezlou

I think it should be fine if your 12 yr old slept on a different floor. Just turn off the internet and it will be fine. I would definitely get a fire alarm fitted though, ask the fire brigade to come round and do a safety check. As part of the check they fit fire alarms when needed. Last time they were here they put in three new fire alarms for free. I offered to pay and they said no its part of the service.

My 12 yr old has his own pc and xbox in his room, and trust me at first it was a bit iffy but now 6 months later he switches his own things off at 9:30pm without being told to do so.
Myself and my partner both said if you switch on the your things after 9:30pm they will be confiscated and you will banned from using them.

So far so good.

Savvy_Sue

gingin wrote: »

I've caught him more than once staying up beyond his bed time ( torch under the covers reading a book type thing), so I have an issues with whether he can be trusted to follow the rules.

:rotfl: I'd have been disappointed if I'd never caught mine reading with a torch under the bed-clothes ... it's just part of growing up!!!

mrcow wrote: »

At 12, I wouldnt feel comfortable with him sleeping two floors away from me every night. If there was a fire or an emergency, you wouldn't be able to get to him easily.

Some of these problems could be overcome, eg I might put a baby monitor in so that if he felt ill, he could yell.

But I wonder if the room was described as a bedroom when the house was sold to you? And if not, why not? For example, we have a loft conversion, but it was very definitely NOT described as a bedroom, because the conversion does not meet current fire regs - I think that if the house is 3 floors then the staircases are supposed to be blocked off (rather than open plan / with bannisters), AND with proper fire doors on all floors. I know a colleague had to do this when she converted her loft.

I personally don't like sleeping below the first floor, because we once had a ground floor bedroom and someone lobbed a brick through the window one night. Depending on your location that might be of more concern than what DS gets up to overnight.

faerie~spangles

gingin wrote: »

It's very hard to buy houses here and so we bought a house that is nice but perhaps doesn't quite suit us as a family. Upstairs has 3 bedrooms, ourselves and dd have decent rooms but ds ( 12 years old) got the bum deal and has a bedroom that has been divided into 2 rooms - half is now a bedroom and the other half the family bathroom. It's not ideal for him, it's small, has no room for a wardrobe and can't even properly hold a full sized single bed. I know that we disturb him when we use the bathroom at night.

The house has a basement, I called it a flatlet and I don't even know if that word exists but basement sounded like a punishment thing! It's not self-contained and has no separate access, it has a double bedroom and bathroom and what we call the den, which has been kitted out for the kids, particularly DS in mind, with computer, consoles, tv and beanbags. He loves it. It would be great to let DS sleep in the bedroom down there but a few things worry me.

He's at that pre-teen stage where being with the family is not particularly exciting for him and I don't want to give him even more reason to not want to be around. He loves the computer, it's a neccessary thing to have as a family, it can't be moved to a different room and although the time on it is monitored now, it will be hard to keep an eye on his time on there if he is right next door to it and we are 2 floors above. I've caught him more than once staying up beyond his bed time ( torch under the covers reading a book type thing), so I have an issues with whether he can be trusted to follow the rules.

We are hoping to move but I think it might take at least another 18 months for us to be financially ready and family sized houses in this school catchment are very hard to find, so it could take many years.

DS on the whole is a good child but I don't know whether it's making his life just that little bit too comfy by letting him have too much of his own space and that he's a little bit too young for it but feel he would have a better night's sleep and a nicer bedroom in general if he were allowed down there. I've not put it to him but I know he would jump like a shot if he were allowed to. What would anyone else do?

It's a bit long - sorry!

I don't see the problem.

He has his own bedroom for sleeping in and the use of the flatlet during waking hours. I call that a: r e s u l t :rotfl:

He has the use of a pad for him an his mates and a separate sleeping quarter. Lucky boy.