What's fair rent for working children living at home?

NotYetMrs

Charming 'step' child and I do mean charming, thinks his £50 month entitles him to have his girlfriend stay over nearly every night (she has issues with her Mum's latest), does her washing sneakily but expects his done, as it gets put in 'the' laundry basket, unless he has a strop and suddenly 'knows' how to work the washing machine and dryer for a single pair jeans. His Dad has put his foot down and said weekend and 1 night, it's not our problem she has problems, perhaps he can go and stay at hers 1 night a week, so he can 'support' her at home, rather than run away from issues.

He works part time as he is supposed to be at college too, but doesn't go some weeks, cos he chooses not to. His Dad said, if college is over, get more hours (it is the sort of job he could do this), but then decides, perhaps college is easier for the next week or so.

He is 'useless' with money and I use this with true meaning, he can 'squander' a month's money (£450 +) in an afternoon with no regard to the rest of the month. Suddenly he has no money for his 'oyster' bus card, so to get him to college he has to 'borrow', we've tried explaining budgeting, buying ticket upfront on this, but to no avail. He's legally an adult, can vote (if he chooses), so not only can he no longer be treated like a child, 'we' are at a loss as to what to do next for the best, to try and teach him how to manage his money, NOTHING, seems to sink in.

He used to buy his own toiletries but now he doesn't bother trying to buy any, it's easier to use ours! His Dad thinks it's too petty to go on about it, till he didn't have any shaving gear as his son had used it all last night !!

So back to, how do you try and teach values to 'young adults' or am I on a pointless mission, I feel like it at times, as mentioned by 'mamaJAH' cleanliness is something that will get done when they get round to it, meanwhile 'we' have to live in the mess or deal with it.

He is not able to live with his Mother, as he burned his bridges with her husband.

Mojisola

NotYetMrs wrote: »

He is 'useless' with money

'we' are at a loss as to what to do next for the best, to try and teach him how to manage his money, NOTHING, seems to sink in.

So back to, how do you try and teach values to 'young adults' or am I on a pointless mission,

He is not able to live with his Mother, as he burned his bridges with her husband.

It sounds as if he's close to burning his bridges in a second household.

To be honest, it's years too late for this to be an easy job! He should have been learning these lessons from the first time that he realised that these funny coins can be exchanged for goods.

It's going to be very hard and, without total co-operation between you and your OH, it will be impossible. You two need to sit down and get on paper what you want him to do, agree to stick to the plans even when he's whining on because he hasn't got any money for bus fares, etc, and stand firm while the storm breaks around you.

Help him to set up a spreadsheet showing what regular expenses he has to meet (including some keep towards his GF staying at your house) and what time of the month they have to be paid out. He's only the way he is now because there's always been someone there to hand out extra money when he needs it.

pmlindyloo

Such a difficult one.

It is very difficult to get the balance right.

On the one hand they are your family and if they haven't left and then returned home after a long gap then truly your bills haven't changed much.

On the other hand they are now adults and if they left home they would find out how very expensive it is.

The argument that it teaches them how to budget is a bit flawed because the paying of 'keep' to parents is usually totally out of line with the real world.

There has to be some kind of compromise and I feel this has to be done by sitting down and having a talk with your 'child'.

If you have no need of the money then personally I would go down the route of putting forward the idea that a set amount could be given to you to put into a regular savings account each month. Paying for a cleaner (share of) is a good idea,paying for luxuries that you wouldn't have normally also a good idea.

Best of luck with this!

Mojisola

I think this is a problem of affluence. When I was growing up, starting to earn money and contributing to the household income was seen as a creditable, worthy thing to do. I would have been ashamed to keep all my money to myself and not contribute to the household. My parents had always had to be careful with their money and went without plenty of things to make sure we had all the basics.

When I had a spell of unemployment, I couldn't give them as much money but I took over most of the housework because I was at home and as my contribution to the household.

HeadAboveWater

As soon as we started getting money, be it JSA or wages, mum got us to pay 10% of what we received. Means that someone getting £40 a week wasn't being left with nothing and the person earning £1000 had a life of luxury.

I guess the whole idea is to get your kids used to paying out for rent, and get them budgeting and money-wise as soon as!

Pollycat wrote: »

What will the £40 cover?
All food?
Will she buy her own toiletries?
Will she be doing her own ironing, cooking, cleaning?

This also would make a difference. With us the 10% we paid was 'rent'. Same as if we were living away from home. We had to pay for our own toiletries etc. ourselves.

lowlitmemory

I think £40pw on her take-home is shockingly low, if she is not also contributing to the household in non-financial ways (e.g. cooking, cleaning, giving lifts, helping organise bills etc) and considering all her bills are covered (food, toiletries, electric, council tax etc). I paid about £400pcm to my parents when earning a similar amount on my gap year. I would genuinely feel ashamed to be paying such a low amount in a similar situation! £50pw would be better, if not much more, and if you don't need the money it can be saved for her - she sounds incapable of saving money herself, hope that's not too harsh, but she isn't going to learn until she has the opportunity to (if that makes sense).

Person_one

Question to those of you who think adult children should be charged 'market rent' or other significant amount, even if on JSA. If your elderly parents moved in with you, would you take a chunk of their state pension off them?

I moved back in with my mum and dad when I lost my job, my relationship and my home within the space of 10 days. They didn't charge me any rent but they did come home to a clean house, a walked dog and tea started while I was unemployed, and then when I got a job I was out again within a few months.

Its wonderful to know you have the security that in hard times you can go home and be welcomed with open arms, and it cuts both ways, if any of my family members or close friends are in trouble they can come to me and always have a place to sleep, there's no way they'd be charged.

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

Question to those of you who think adult children should be charged 'market rent' or other significant amount, even if on JSA. If your elderly parents moved in with you, would you take a chunk of their state pension off them?

I moved back in with my mum and dad when I lost my job, my relationship and my home within the space of 10 days. They didn't charge me any rent but they did come home to a clean house, a walked dog and tea started while I was unemployed, and then when I got a job I was out again within a few months.

Its wonderful to know you have the security that in hard times you can go home and be welcomed with open arms, and it cuts both ways, if any of my family members or close friends are in trouble they can come to me and always have a place to sleep, there's no way they'd be charged.

I wouldn't charge my children market rent but we might look at what it would cost them to live independently if they quibbled about contributing to the family home.

If my parents moved in with me, they would want to contribute to the extra bills that would be have to be paid and I wouldn't reject that.

It is wonderful to know that there is always a place with family members in an emergency but, if the emergency turned into a longer stay, I would expect them to contribute, both financially and with housework as I would in the same circumstances. It would be proportional to what they could manage though, not a straight splitting of bills.

Dunroamin

Dunroamin wrote: »

I can't understand why people object to adult family members contributing fairly to the family home. It's not the parents' responsibility to provide a home for their adult children, or certainly not financially.

Paying your way is part of becoming a responsible adult.

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this is a problem of affluence. When I was growing up, starting to earn money and contributing to the household income was seen as a creditable, worthy thing to do. I would have been ashamed to keep all my money to myself and not contribute to the household. My parents had always had to be careful with their money and went without plenty of things to make sure we had all the basics.

When I had a spell of unemployment, I couldn't give them as much money but I took over most of the housework because I was at home and as my contribution to the household.

I totally agree. I can still remember the sense of pride when I made my first contribution into the household and how I felt that I was really becoming an adult by paying my way.

Such a shame so many parents deny their adult children this.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Such a shame so many parents deny their adult children this.

I preferred the feeling of getting the keys to my own home, thanks in no small part to the fact that I could save the majority of my salary each month while living at home.

There's conflicting advice given on these boards, you see young adults regularly being advised to move back in with parents if they want to save a house deposit, then parents being advised to charge their adult children market rent to teach them about 'the real world'!