Should I invite my mother...?

mixenvixen

May I suggest that when you invite your mum, you add a plus one. Allowing her to
bring someone she knows, could go some way in keeping her behaviour in check.

I would love to do this and in usual circumstances this would be a fantastic suggestion. However unfortunetly the plus one she would bring would be her partner (the man she cheated on my dad with) and my dad has already expressed his unhappiness in this (he said he would re-think coming) and I think it would make him feel humiliated on the day (a lot of his family will be there) and cause more friction.

We have thought about bringing people she knows though and are inviting two of her best friends and their families, her brother, both of her sisters in law, her nephew and niece, her dad, her step uncle and aunt... hopefully this will be anough to keep her happy, without her partner there (probably not though!).

POPPYOSCAR

mixenvixen wrote: »

I would love to do this and in usual circumstances this would be a fantastic suggestion. However unfortunetly the plus one she would bring would be her partner (the man she cheated on my dad with) and my dad has already expressed his unhappiness in this (he said he would re-think coming) and I think it would make him feel humiliated on the day (a lot of his family will be there) and cause more friction.

We have thought about bringing people she knows though and are inviting two of her best friends and their families, her brother, both of her sisters in law, her nephew and niece, her dad, her step uncle and aunt... hopefully this will be anough to keep her happy, without her partner there (probably not though!).

Do you think she will even accept if her partner is not invited?

faerie~spangles

If your dad is the more reasonable of your parents, I would appeal to his better nature. He must realise that he and your mum are expected at your wedding.

mixenvixen

Do you think she will even accept if her partner is not invited?

This is a hard one to judge- as her behaviour is completly unpredictable. I am in no doubt that she will kick up a fuss and probably try and bring him anyway. However I have no relationship with him, she doesn't live with, I don't feel like he would want to come (doesn't know me, is a lot more sane than my mum), I feel it would cause more awkwardness inviting him... so I feel etiquete wise and for my own sanity better not to! lol

mixenvixen

If your dad is the more reasonable of your parents, I would appeal to his
better nature. He must realise that he and your mum are expected at your
wedding.

I think realistically altough he said he wouldn't be happy with it, he would come. But I don't see any point in putting him through that. I think it would be very hurtful and embarrasing for him for my mums OH to be there.

faerie~spangles

mixenvixen wrote: »

I think realistically altough he said he wouldn't be happy with it, he would come. But I don't see any point in putting him through that. I think it would be very hurtful and embarrasing for him for my mums OH to be there.

A different view point:

Your dad gets to give you away.

Your dad gets to participate in his daughter's wedding and is seated at the top table.

Mum isn't at the top table as you didn't want to make her 'partner' feel uncomfortable. See how thoughtful you are;)


Your dad gets to hold his head up high if and when your mother behaves as expected.

Your dad sees for himself that she was no loss and he is well rid.

faithless

Do whatever you think you will regret less in ten years.
Would it be not having her there on the day, or feeling guilt-tripped into having her there and your day spoiled?
Also consider if she would actually stay away if not invited or if she would gatecrash. If you decided not to invite her you'd struggle to keep the date and location secret if family members sympathetic to her are invited. If so it might be better to invite her on your terms than have her turn up unannounced and looking to cause a scene?

Good luck.

mixenvixen

A different view point:

Your dad gets to give you away.

Your
dad gets to participate in his daughter's wedding and is seated at the top
table.

Mum isn't at the top table as you didn't want to make her
'partner' feel uncomfortable. See how thoughtful you are;)


Your
dad gets to hold his head up high if and when your mother behaves as
expected.

Your dad sees for himself that she was no loss and he is well
rid.

Thanks again for the great suggestions. We have actually already considered the top table issues. We decided that it would be best not to have one at all, as it isn't really suitable with our family issues. We decided instead that me and my OH would sit on a table with bridesmaids/ushers (a circle table, just the same as the others), my dad on a table with his family, my MIL and DIL on a table with their family and my mum on a table with her family and friends.

I really don't think it's appropriate to invite my mum's OH. I may be completly wrong here, but the impression I got was that it wasn't usual wedding ettiqute to feel obliged to invite people's partners unless they either live together/ or are married... have I got this wrong??

She does have plenty of people there to make her happy- three of her best friends and their families (one of which is a single mum and another who's husband lives abroad- i.e. she's not on a table of couples), her brother and his wife (who was bridesmaid at her wedding), her sister in law (a widow) and her children, her dad, her step uncle and aunt (who she see's as parents)...

I agree that she wont be happy about her OH not being invited- but I sort of assumed this was more to do with her looking for a fight, than this being unreasonable... Maybe I have got it completly wrong in regards to this.... what is the normal etiqute/ right thing to do?? :S

poet123

I think you have to do with what feels comfortable, but the last three weddings we have attended where either the Bride or Groom's parents were divorced their new partners did attend.