Help with a death notice

Mojisola

Poppy9 wrote: »

Okay I'm going to rock the boat here and I think you should stay silent.

Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in the details. If we can't find the right wording, we may not mention it in the official notice.

Locally, people will wear black - or dark colours - unless told otherwise but we don't want to make them feel that they're not allowed to wear black. I've seen some funeral notices that say "Wear bright colours" - some of the men who will be coming wouldn't know what to wear! We don't want to be that dogmatic.

It is a traditional church service rather than a COL but the family will be wearing a mixture of colours.

Tiddlywinks

Mojisola wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in the details. If we can't find the right wording, we may not mention it in the official notice.
.........

It is a traditional church service rather than a COL but the family will be wearing a mixture of colours.

When it's your mum, everything seems more important and it's natural to want to make sure everything is just right... don't worry, let it be.

You want to tell people that black dress is optional - but, people will dress for their own comfort level and tastes anyway. I know you want to put them at ease but (and I say this kindly) it is a little problem against a much bigger picture.

Rely on your undertaker as well. My mum died a few months ago and (as an only child) I was left with everything. I gave the undertaker an outline and then let them do the research, prepare the verses, notices, orders of service etc and they then just emailed me for amendments or approval.

At a funeral of a friend a few years ago most turned up in black. However, his partner wore canary yellow - everyone understood that she did what she did because that was what she wanted to do... the same will be for your mum's friends - they will understand no matter what you choose to do.

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself - your mum would want that.

Poppy9

Mojisola wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in the details. If we can't find the right wording, we may not mention it in the official notice.

Locally, people will wear black - or dark colours - unless told otherwise but we don't want to make them feel that they're not allowed to wear black. I've seen some funeral notices that say "Wear bright colours" - some of the men who will be coming wouldn't know what to wear! We don't want to be that dogmatic.

It is a traditional church service rather than a COL but the family will be wearing a mixture of colours.

It's only natural to get caught up in detail as it's a distraction. Some people feel they are showing their respect and affection for the person by putting on their special (like Sunday best) clothes to attend. None of it really matters, all that matters is that they come.

Personally I don't think the dark clothing and black ties make for a sombre gathering. The actual ceremonies can be lightened by choosing the right hymns/music. One of my Uncles had "wish me luck as you wave me bye bye" at the end! Brilliant and everyone laughed and remembered him with a smile.

Just remember there are no rules, you can do what you want.

paddy's_mum

NB. The family of XXX want you to wear whatever is most comfortable for yourself, whether you wish to wear traditional sombre colours or skybluepink in happy celebration of the life of XXX.

What you choose to wear is immaterial. What really counts is your presence to sing and say a joyful goodbye to a life most valued and wonderful!


HTH mojisola. With love. x

Mojisola

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

When it's your mum, everything seems more important and it's natural to want to make sure everything is just right... don't worry, let it be.

You want to tell people that black dress is optional - but, people will dress for their own comfort level and tastes anyway. I know you want to put them at ease but (and I say this kindly) it is a little problem against a much bigger picture.

I think you're right. We shouldn't mention what to wear - just leave it to everyone to wear what they're comfortable with.

Thanks, everyone. It really helps to have your views.

meg72

Mojisola wrote: »

Maybe I'm just getting too caught up in the details. If we can't find the right wording, we may not mention it in the official notice.

Locally, people will wear black - or dark colours - unless told otherwise but we don't want to make them feel that they're not allowed to wear black. I've seen some funeral notices that say "Wear bright colours" - some of the men who will be coming wouldn't know what to wear! We don't want to be that dogmatic.

It is a traditional church service rather than a COL but the family will be wearing a mixture of colours.

We decided to leave it out, A lot of my Mums friends are very old and have very traditional ideas, young family members will want to wear probablly coloured. I as long as everyone is looking respectful and not outlandish then I thats fine.

bright_side

For my Dads recent funeral we just said '(name) would want you to wear whatever colour you feel comfortable in'

dizziblonde

Poppy9 wrote: »

It's only natural to get caught up in detail as it's a distraction. Some people feel they are showing their respect and affection for the person by putting on their special (like Sunday best) clothes to attend. None of it really matters, all that matters is that they come.

Personally I don't think the dark clothing and black ties make for a sombre gathering. The actual ceremonies can be lightened by choosing the right hymns/music. One of my Uncles had "wish me luck as you wave me bye bye" at the end! Brilliant and everyone laughed and remembered him with a smile.

Just remember there are no rules, you can do what you want.

A very dear family friend died last year and had often commented he wanted his coffin to be led in by a New Orleans jazz band (when you have these random conversations as you do down the ages). He got his wish and the coffin coming down the aisle of the church to When The Saints Go Marching In was just so fantastic because you could just imagine him sat there, grinning and puffing out his chest with pride at his fabulous idea - it was so HIM it just nailed it bang on the head.

Rest of the funeral was a very traditional church one - he just made his spectacular entrance and exit!

flora48

At my grandmother's funeral we were just asked to wear bright colours. That way everyone knew what was expected. Just say what you want to, no !!!!! footing around with the wording.

floss2

It's difficult to know what to say, as whatever is written there will be someone who doesn't like it.

I can't remember exactly what words were used for my mum's funeral, but mum had asked that family & friends not wear black. Me, my then OH, my 3 brothers and 2 sons, looked like a coffee shop shade chart from me in cream through latte, cappuccino, mocha to DS1 in espresso brown