Can't take much more.

Macca83_2

Im a Mc by the way and i can't remember the last time i saw the inside of a church

marybelle01

Macca83 wrote: »

Im a Mc by the way and i can't remember the last time i saw the inside of a church

Shame on you. Just think of the length of your next confession.

falko89

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Me too. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It made me laugh for the fact that's what I am but I actually like my own company.

Macca83_2

marybelle01 wrote: »

Shame on you. Just think of the length of your next confession.

funily enough i was put to a protestant church as a kid. Probably so the parents could have some Sunday morning alone time.. Lol

falko89

marybelle01 wrote: »

Of course people don't like it if you expect them to make all the effort and the only time you ever talk to them is when you confront them. You may not realise this, but that can come across as just aggressive. You never smile at people (unless you think it will !!!! them off), you don't talk to them, you don't make an effort, you make assumptions about what they are thinking or doing (by the way, my family are Irish catholics and there isn't an O' or a Mc in sight! ), eat on your own, smoke on your own. Sorry but if you were in my workplace we'd take it you didn't like us too! It would be really nice if every workplace rolled out the red carpet for the newbie, but in many you just have to make your own way. You have to break the ice and be sociable. And do you really think that running to the boss telling tales will improve matters? Or that he's going to risk annoying the entire of the rest of his employees by dressing them down about not playing nice with the new boy? Or that if he does, which I doubt, things are going to get better? Because they won't. If you think they are out to get you now, just wait and see how much they'll be out to get you after that.

I just want to find out where I stand not tell tales, I know myself I am doing the best I can at the job with limited training, if I am not up to is so be it I'd rather know than get the eye all day.

This is a common misconception about social anxiety, usually its the reverse, we come across as not liking others or being snobbish, uppish or whatever but 9 times out of 10 its the opposite, we think others don't like us and social anxiety stems from low self esteem so again the opposite of being uppish, I think my posts in this thread make it pretty clear I think no one like me.

marybelle01

falko89 wrote: »

I just want to find out where I stand not tell tales, I know myself I am doing the best I can at the job with limited training, if I am not up to is so be it I'd rather know than get the eye all day.

This is a common misconception about social anxiety, usually its the reverse, we come across as not liking others or being snobbish, uppish or whatever but 9 times out of 10 its the opposite, we think others don't like us and social anxiety stems from low self esteem so again the opposite of being uppish, I think my posts in this thread make it pretty clear I think no one like me.

It may well be a common misconception, but you aren't actually doing a lot to dispel it! Your colleagues don't know about it, so what you come across as is what you are, as far as they are concerned. They aren't mind-readers - which is why I have been trying to point out to you how your perception of what is going on isn't the only way it can be interpreted. How are they supposed to figure out that your behaviour stems from social anxiety, and is fueled by low self-esteem? I'm not suggesting that you bare your soul to them - just make an effort and show them a different side of you.

And what you perceive as knowing where you stand may be your interpretation - I can absolutely guarantee that it won't be theirs. Especially not as things stand. You know where you stand - you have a job and you haven't been pulled for not doing it right, no matter how much someone might be watching. If they are.

You know in your heart of hearts that whilst this may not be the greatest workplace in the world, and not your ideal job, at least half of this, if not more, is going to follow you from one workplace to another, because it's you. The time to draw a line and start changing what you can about you is always now. Eventually it does get easier and more "normal" - you might still quiver inside but you'll learn to cover it with behaviour other people expect as the norm. And every time you manage one small step, people will notice less and less.

Dunroamin

falko89 wrote: »

No one says good morning to anyone. I go in clock on, go out for a smoke and then go to work, I am usually one of the first there so don't come into contact with anyone usually, .

Could this be part of the problem?

falko89

Thought I would update this, the boss has now a new tactic, watching my computer screen remotely, The tech guy used to log on to update files etc, you would know he was on as a little icon beside the clock lit up and all ran slow, you'd also see him opening and closing files etc. However on Thursday and Friday the boss logged on all day watching what I was doing, if I stopped for a few moments he rang down to the floor and asked the supervisor what I was at, didn't matter if I was in the toilet, or as happened yesterday was to far ahead of everyone else meaning a delay down the line, he phoned down to see what I was at. I asked the supervisor whats this all about, he said probably because you refused to do overtime the other night, thats the type of him he said. I mean no one should have to put up with this crap for £6 odd per hour, at least it clarifys what I already thought that he is indeed watching me.

tactful

ok dokee falko. I do feel your pain sounds like you're going through a bit of a bad time at the moment.

Your idea about speaking to your boss and laying your cards on the table I partly liked. Before you mentioned it I was going to reccomend you seeing your boss. However - forget about the laying your cards on the table. Just go into the office of your boss, knock on the door - ask if he could spare you a five minutes - (do you see already you are asking, not demanding - he is your boss after all). Hopefully he will oblige, or at the least say now isn't convenient - in which case you can ask him if you could schedule a meeting at a good time. Nice and easy. If he point blank refuse chances are there is some truth in your perception of being victimized in which case I'd start seeking some independent advice (i'm sure the guys and girls on here will know some organisation you can speak to).

Assuming all is not what it seems to you and things aren't quite as bad as you perceive you'll meet with this boss. When you meet with him, be calm, measured - and explain what you are going through. You are new to the job and really trying to make a good impression. But you feel as if you are being set apart from your colleagues. you have noticed your boss watching you and you are worried he may have some kind of issue with your work. Mention you are finding it hard to gel with your colleagues but this could be down to the fact you are not a huge extrovert. You want to do well in this job and you like the people in the office so you want to try and sort things out.

He should then be quite concerned, empathetic and attempt to clear things up with you. I doubt he has any specific issues with your work (because he should have already at least mentioned these outside of your meeting if he did) - but it's perfectly natural for him to be observing you! Don't be put off by this. Also your remote viewing - is also something quite common in many larger companies. Every thing I do on my pc at work is logged, and at any time I.T. Security can observe what I'm doing without me knowing. Providing you're doing nothing wrong this shouldn't bother you in the slightest!

So I think the meeting is the best way to go for a start. Second change your mindset. This is YOUR job, don't let anyone else (co-workers) make you feel uncomfortable. For someone to reject you you have to allow them to reject you. It's like they are trying to give you a present and you are just taking it (if this is real and they are acting this way). Instead don't take it. Don't let it in. It's more important to be respected at work than liked. Don't allow others to talk down to you (although there is no evidence of that happening here) - in fact alot of what you have mentioned seems like it could be perfectly benign and you are maybe reading too much into it (although that is just an observation from someone many miles away reading snippets of your thread! - so don't take that to heart please!).

At the end of the day the most important thing is your happiness. You are a valued human being. You are entitled to the same happiness as everyone else. I hope things work out for you, but you definately need to speak to your boss I think and take things from there.

Also I reccomend a book called Ultimate Confidence - by Marisa Peer.

Good luck!

falko89

tactful wrote: »

ok dokee falko. I do feel your pain sounds like you're going through a bit of a bad time at the moment.

Your idea about speaking to your boss and laying your cards on the table I partly liked. Before you mentioned it I was going to reccomend you seeing your boss. However - forget about the laying your cards on the table. Just go into the office of your boss, knock on the door - ask if he could spare you a five minutes - (do you see already you are asking, not demanding - he is your boss after all). Hopefully he will oblige, or at the least say now isn't convenient - in which case you can ask him if you could schedule a meeting at a good time. Nice and easy. If he point blank refuse chances are there is some truth in your perception of being victimized in which case I'd start seeking some independent advice (i'm sure the guys and girls on here will know some organisation you can speak to).

Assuming all is not what it seems to you and things aren't quite as bad as you perceive you'll meet with this boss. When you meet with him, be calm, measured - and explain what you are going through. You are new to the job and really trying to make a good impression. But you feel as if you are being set apart from your colleagues. you have noticed your boss watching you and you are worried he may have some kind of issue with your work. Mention you are finding it hard to gel with your colleagues but this could be down to the fact you are not a huge extrovert. You want to do well in this job and you like the people in the office so you want to try and sort things out.

He should then be quite concerned, empathetic and attempt to clear things up with you. I doubt he has any specific issues with your work (because he should have already at least mentioned these outside of your meeting if he did) - but it's perfectly natural for him to be observing you! Don't be put off by this. Also your remote viewing - is also something quite common in many larger companies. Every thing I do on my pc at work is logged, and at any time I.T. Security can observe what I'm doing without me knowing. Providing you're doing nothing wrong this shouldn't bother you in the slightest!

So I think the meeting is the best way to go for a start. Second change your mindset. This is YOUR job, don't let anyone else (co-workers) make you feel uncomfortable. For someone to reject you you have to allow them to reject you. It's like they are trying to give you a present and you are just taking it (if this is real and they are acting this way). Instead don't take it. Don't let it in. It's more important to be respected at work than liked. Don't allow others to talk down to you (although there is no evidence of that happening here) - in fact alot of what you have mentioned seems like it could be perfectly benign and you are maybe reading too much into it (although that is just an observation from someone many miles away reading snippets of your thread! - so don't take that to heart please!).

At the end of the day the most important thing is your happiness. You are a valued human being. You are entitled to the same happiness as everyone else. I hope things work out for you, but you definately need to speak to your boss I think and take things from there.

Also I reccomend a book called Ultimate Confidence - by Marisa Peer.

Good luck!

My 3 month probation is up next month, I am not expecting to be kept on, I have only lasted this long as the recruitment agent who got me the job is big pals with my boss and I suppose someone has to last 3 months for the agent to get his fees, Its all mind games at the moment because I wont dance to the beat of his drum, but I have my Open University stuff starting in October, enough savings to last 2-3 months so its all good if I do go.