Being Fair

esmy

I don't believe fair should mean the same - children's needs can be very different throughout their lives.

OP, what if it were Child 1 going to work and later child 2 going to uni? If you had charged Child 1 housekeeping and not subbed them in any other way, would you feel you shouldn't contribute to Child 2's expenses at uni because it wouldn't be 'fair'?

Gatser

Thank you for all the interesting and useful comments for us to cogitate.
We all have differentcircumstances but for us we feel that a “Free Existance” is not appreciated oruseful to anyone… offspring included.
We prefer to accept areasonable contribution, then if we are able to afford it we can always helpout with various costs, holidays etc.
For this exercise we havedecided that as Child1 receives £1,000 pa in support from us to top up StudentFinance and part time income…
Living Costs / food / consumables/ utilities for Child2 are £2,500 therefore if we give the same support whilstearning a lower salary, we should accept a contribution of £1,500 from Child2 =£125/month.
It is useful education forthe “Child” too …. The transition from receiving (pocket money) toearning/contributing …. Reality!

flora48

Give the kids what you feel is right according to their need. In my experience my kids must be about even but their need and circumstance have been very different they have been subbed when necessary. If I had compensated one because the other had something the bucket would have been empty when they were in real need.

lazer

Gatser wrote: »

Thank you for all the interesting and useful comments for us to cogitate.
We all have differentcircumstances but for us we feel that a “Free Existance” is not appreciated oruseful to anyone… offspring included.
We prefer to accept areasonable contribution, then if we are able to afford it we can always helpout with various costs, holidays etc.
For this exercise we havedecided that as Child1 receives £1,000 pa in support from us to top up StudentFinance and part time income…
Living Costs / food / consumables/ utilities for Child2 are £2,500 therefore if we give the same support whilstearning a lower salary, we should accept a contribution of £1,500 from Child2 =£125/month.
It is useful education forthe “Child” too …. The transition from receiving (pocket money) toearning/contributing …. Reality!

In theory sounds liek a good idea - but jsut to point out the flaws which will make your children say it unfair

1) - Child 1 will probably be at home for about half the year (20 weeks outside of term time, plus maybe weekends?), so would they not be costing £1,250 pa as well?

2) - How much does child 2 get paid? - They could actualluy have less money than a student who works part time - I know i did when i started work after uni - my annual income actually dropped significantly

3) - What happens if child 1 moves home after uni - do they contribute the same amount, even if they have a much higher salary, due to getting the degree?

LittleMissAspie

"Job with training" sounds like it is lower paid than a job without training so it's fair to subsidise Child2 until their training is finished, as that's effectively what Child1 is getting.

Child1 is partly paying their own way via the loan and any part time job, so Child2 should partly pay their own way too. The way you've worked it out seems reasonable and £125 a month seems reasonable for subsidised rent.

If anyone complains that this treatment isn't fair, you can threaten for both of them to have to fully pay their own way!

What happens if child 1 moves home after uni - do they contribute the same amount, even if they have a much higher salary, due to getting the degree?

I must say, my parents charged me and my sister the same rent when she was earning way more than me and I felt that was very unfair. It's not reflective of real life, where richer people pay more for their rent or mortgage, and poorer people choose cheaper places to live. A percentage of earnings is more realistic, I'd go with 15-20% as long as that is less than a room in a shared house, otherwise they may as well move out.

Millie2008_2

I chose not to go to university and to start work from 18. I paid rent at my parents for about 4 years before buying my own place. I had a deposit for the house and mortgage arranged. Over the next 2 years my parents "refunded" the rent I had paid them and they had saved away separately to make my 1st few years in the house easier.

My friend did this with her daughter, as the other two kids had gone off to uni and it seemed to be a fair way of doing things

kezlou

I think its depends on the parents financial situation.

When i was sixteen and studying at college i was expected to contribute an extra £20 a week, i.e my EMA to my mother.
Which effectively left me with £10 a week for bus fare and food.
I negotiated with her, well i basically kicked off and said that's not fair your still receiving child benefit and income support for me. EMA is my education and travel allowance. I knocked her down to £10 a week.

When i left education for the summer holidays and i worked for a measly sum i was expected to pay £30 a week this was for bills, breakfast and the dogs food, i thought this was fair has all her benefit money stopped and no way could she have afforded to support me on the money she received. As part of the deal i bought my own food and anything else. I used to earn £60 a week. I did this all the way through my pregnancy right up till i moved out with my partner.

I don't think they is a fair way of doing things especially financially wise. If my children are living at home i will fully expect my children to contribute to they living costs. I mean i think my mother was harsh doing it at 16. So i would wait till 18 and start charging then.

If i'm in the situation where i can put the money away for them then fine. Then if not then the extra money will pay for food etc.
You can't really put a figure for annual cost of a year as where your child attends university / works might be a really expensive place to live. So the x amount of money may well not even cover it.

nuttybabe

I have been in this situation. My sister went to uni and my parents paid for her. I am a year younger and when I left college I got a job being paid £350ish a month for full time work (long before minimum wage) and paying my parents £20 a week. I think it was fair as i was working so should be paying my way, even though it was only a little.

angelil

Yes, if you can. This is the approach my parents would take. OR they would spend the same amount on child 2 but in other ways - not necessarily accommodation and food in this case - especially if you're wanting to teach the child some 'life lessons', in which case you may want them to learn how to budget for accommodation and food! You don't want them to think that the place is a bottomless pit before turfing them out after 3 years only to find they know nothing about looking after themselves

Gatser

lazer wrote: »

In theory sounds liek a good idea - but jsut to point out the flaws which will make your children say it unfair

1) - Child 1 will probably be at home for about half the year (20 weeks outside of term time, plus maybe weekends?), so would they not be costing £1,250 pa as well?

2) - How much does child 2 get paid? - They could actualluy have less money than a student who works part time - I know i did when i started work after uni - my annual income actually dropped significantly

3) - What happens if child 1 moves home after uni - do they contribute the same amount, even if they have a much higher salary, due to getting the degree?

I would say:
(1) In our case Child1 is only home around 6 weeks pa so negligible cost
(2) If Child2 earns little (apprenticeship) then we would take that into account and increase the amount of support...but some contribution would still be appreciated!
(3) After the 3 years support period the full (bargain!) contribution of £2500 is payable.