Being Fair

Gatser

Child 1 goes off to University.
Parents help out with costs of accommodation & food

Child 2 decides to get a job with training, and stays at home.

Should parents offer Child 2, free home accommodation/food for 3 years so as to be fair?

What do you think?
Have you been in this situation?

thanks....

pollypenny

Sounds fair. however, have the parents had to help stay-at-home in other ways? Buying a car or suits for work?

podperson

Are the parents completely funding Child 1 at university or does the child have a student loan, part time job etc and the parents are just helping out? Since I would think it more likely to be the second one then I don't think it's unreasonable to ask Child 2 for a small contribution to food and bills now that they're working. If they want to be independent and join the working world then imo they should expect to have to pay something towards the bills - otherwise it could be a big shock when they do move out and have everything thrown at them at once.

Gatser

pollypenny wrote: »

Sounds fair. however, have the parents had to help stay-at-home in other ways? Buying a car or suits for work?

No. Child 2 is going to pay for all their "running costs" ... it is just the comparable costs of food & accommodation that have been subsidised for Child 1.

Actually Child 1 ends up with a Student Loan so it could be argued that they have partly funded their food/accommodation!

No easy answer to this one methinks!! ??:o

Gatser

podperson wrote: »

Are the parents completely funding Child 1 at university or does the child have a student loan, part time job etc and the parents are just helping out? Since I would think it more likely to be the second one then I don't think it's unreasonable to ask Child 2 for a small contribution to food and bills now that they're working. If they want to be independent and join the working world then imo they should expect to have to pay something towards the bills - otherwise it could be a big shock when they do move out and have everything thrown at them at once.

Thank you.... I am tending to think along these lines because Child 1 is effectively covering part of the accommodation/food costs and thereby ending up with a Student Loan.
Also... Child 2 may get too comfortable on a totally free existance... just as parents get nearer to an impoverished retirement!

BenL

My parents put my older brother and younger sister through university and pretty much all associated costs.

I chose not to go to university and to start work from 18. I paid rent at my parents for about 4 years before buying my own place. I had a deposit for the house and mortgage arranged. Over the next 2 years my parents "refunded" the rent I had paid them and they had saved away separately to make my 1st few years in the house easier.

Ben

Alikay

I think there's a big difference between treating children fairly and treating them the same, so I'd expect the one in work to contribute something to the household (unless they're only getting the £2 something an hour apprenticeship rate).

Who knows what will happen in the future though. One may marry and need help with a wedding, and possibly children. The other might stay single and so find it difficult to buy a house with only one income coming in. If you start off by compensating the others when one adult child is in need, you could find yourself shelling out a heck of a lot over their lifetime!

Unlike some people, I don't however advocate adult children paying household expenses at anything like the going rate: My children have to put up with me and my expectations (being tidy, no casual sex, letting us know when they'll be back etc, etc) so I'd only take a smallish amount - maybe £30 a week tops, and expect them to save for becoming independent.

ellay864

My DS 1 is at uni and has a student loan to pay for his accommodation. Obviously whether he ends up paying it back depends on whether he can get a job, stay in this country etc. DS2 is currently halfway through 6th form college and now says he may not go uni. If he doesn't I'll expect him to contribute from his earnings (or benefits if he can't get a job)

mummybearx

There is no easy answer tbh.

It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, one child will always think the other is getting a better deal!

If you can cover the costs of child 2 staying at home, then do it. Or agree on a figure that suits you both, but child 2 should be keeping money by to buy their own place (as should child 1 be doing)

x

Gigglepig

I'd say it depends on the parents values because it isn't comparing apples with apples.

If they support one child through uni it would only be fair to support the other one through unit as well. However, many parents consider education a particularly worthwhile cause, and would support uni but not necessarily other paths. So it depends on what they are prepared to support (for example many kind parents contribute towards education, house deposit, driver's license, wedding, but fewer may wish to pay general living expenses, a gap year etc)

krlyr

The rule in our house was that if you decided to not continue with your education post-school, you had to pay your way at home. It seemed fair enough to us as it was our choice whether we went to college and Uni.
This doesn't cater for subsidising/supporting the Uni-goers costs though (my mum was a single parent at the time so my brother got grants for his Uni costs) so that's a tough one. I would say it would be fair to ask for a small contribution, lower than local houseshares etc., but not let them have a free ride. If nothing else, you could (without telling them) put the contributed money into a savings account if you can afford to live without it, and gift it back to the child when they move out to help towards a deposit or furnishing a new house. By having to pay their way, it won't be such a culture shock when they want to move out (Uni student will hopefully be used to budgetting, even if it's only making sure their student loan will stretch to 3 pints on a night out!)