abortion and kids

mishkanorman

Judi wrote: »

Personally if i was going to have an abortion i wouldnt tell anyone (other than my husband of course) i was pregnant. I certainly wouldnt have told my children.

Not everyone who has an abortion has that in mind at the start of a pregnancy, and it isnt just about YOU having an abortion - do you not plan on explaining it to your children at all because it would never happen to you ??

willow_loulou

I cant imagine why I would ever discuss abortion with a child actually, as a teen yes maybe a discussion when having *that* talk. But with a young child? No. I suppose it depends if there was a need to explain an incident but I would have to think long and hard about the language used.
Children are made to grow up far to quickly these days, giving a child the knowledge that a mother can kill her unborn baby before they understand the process of making one is to me completely unnecessary and could only cause more upset than good.
I may be prudish in my attitude but as a supporter of womans right to choose I think there is a time and a place to discuss it and that is not with a young child.

BitterAndTwisted

Teenagers: yes, but only when they ask. Children: absolutely not. This is information far too emotionally charged, and possiby not likely to be well understood to be sharing with children. TMI can mean worry to those not mature enough to understand. I see no reason to want to overload children with info they don't need and has no relevance to their daily lives.

"Oh, you know that I love you dearly but I did have another baby in my tummy once but I had to choose to get rid of it". Not a good idea

Person_one

I'm trying to remember when I first found out that abortion existed but I can't pinpoint it, it feels like one of those things I've always known.

I don't think turning it into a big shameful secret is a good idea, if you have daughters they may well want/need to have one one day, if you have sons they may have a partner who has one.

It seems like it should be a natural part of the 'where babies come from' conversations. Not the very first ones obviously but introduced organically as the child gets older and more able to understand.

Person_one

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

"Oh, you know that I love you dearly but I did have another baby in my tummy once but I had to choose to get rid of it". Not a good idea

Well if you're going to phrase it like that you should delegate the job to someone less daft!

lazer

Never - some things just don't need to talked about to children.

Children will learn things and grow up in there own time - it saddens me that people believe they have to educate children about all the bad things in the world. These things do not need discussed unless for a specific reason. Children do not need to understand about Death, unless you have to explain to them that someone they know has died and they do not need to know about abortion at all when they are children.

Children should be children and free from the worry and stress of the grown up world.

Person_one

lazer wrote: »

Children should be children and free from the worry and stress of the grown up world.

Knowledge is power.

I think (older) children are more stressed by the feeling that they don't understand what's going on, and the idea that the grown ups around them keep secrets and hide information from them.

Knowing you can ask your parents absolutely anything and always get an honest answer is a wonderful thing for a child to have.

bargainbetty

I remember asking my mum when I was a kid, and she told me that an abortion was an operation women had to stop a pregnancy. When I asked why they would do it, she told me it depended on the woman and her situation. She said some people had illnesses, sometimes the pregnancy wouldn't work or sometimes it just wasn't the best time for that particular woman to be pregnant.

When I was older, she explained the choice aspect of it as well as the medical aspects, and her judgement of my ability to cope with the information she gave was, as always, spot on. Each child will ask questions in their own time, and you answer them according to their capability of understanding it. It's not something you sit them down for, but when they ask, be honest about it.

I would not, under any circumstances, use the phrase 'kill her unborn child'. It is too emotive for a young person - let them decide how they perceive it when they are old enough to understand the implications of having/not having the operation (or indeed the choice).

Best wishes to all

fluffnutter

lazer wrote: »

Never - some things just don't need to talked about to children.

Children will learn things and grow up in there own time - it saddens me that people believe they have to educate children about all the bad things in the world. These things do not need discussed unless for a specific reason. Children do not need to understand about Death, unless you have to explain to them that someone they know has died and they do not need to know about abortion at all when they are children.

Children should be children and free from the worry and stress of the grown up world.

People shouldn't shy away from discussing difficult topics with their children. Whilst I understand why anyone would want a child to have a worry-free childhood, not explaining things in a sensitive way leads to fear and anxiety. You can't simply protect children from the grown-up world - it's everywhere!

It's all about timing of course, but if you don't face up to a subject that they've come into contact with, they'll either cobble together their own (often frightening) ideas or they'll look to their equally ignorant friends for an answer. I'd rather I explained to my child about abortion than some ill-informed school friend in the playground.

lazer

Person_one wrote: »

Knowledge is power.

I think (older) children are more stressed by the feeling that they don't understand what's going on, and the idea that the grown ups around them keep secrets and hide information from them.

Knowing you can ask your parents absolutely anything and always get an honest answer is a wonderful thing for a child to have.

I always knew i could aske my parents anything, and get an honest answer, but that doesnlt mean that they sit down and discuss stuff with you without you asking what it meant.

If a child asks what is abortion - then yes you tell them something, if they don't ask, you don't mention it.

I don't think older children get stressed about not knowing things, most just enjoy childhood

I still played with my dolls in secondary school, didn't want to go to discos etc until i was much older - in fact my mum used to try and get me to go out as she was worried about me (I was about 16 at this stage) - however i just ignored her really, and started going out in my own good time and growing up at a pace that suited me. I kissed my first boy at 18 - which is probably considered very old now!
Being a naive child/teenager never did me any harm - I am now late 20's getting married in a few months, with a wonderfully mixed circle of friends, and i have to say that out of all us it is the firends that i also consider to be late starters like me that are best able to deal with whatever life throws at them.

This is just my observations