Dilemma ! how much would you give up for your kids ?

oops_a_daisy

Thankyou for your replies everybody. I dont have any other children - just me, my DD and my DDog The thing is that with a bit of money saving I could do it BUT I could also just about pay off my mortgage with that money in 3 years or have holidays or do my house up or the list goes on. I think somebody mentioned that they could not justify that amount and I think that is the real problem. Over the past year I have paid off all debts and got myself into a position where I have some small savings - this feels good but if she were to get offered a scholarship and wanted to go to the school I would be keeping my mortgage debt for longer and downsizing and cutting back not to mention using up my savings. My DD is not pushing for this - she knows that I will do my best for her. She would be better off in this enviroment where they have 50% time spent on vocational work and 50% time on academic work - at present she is doing 100% vocational and 100% academic. I also know the point about the acting profession not exactly being a stable career and a dancers career is very limited which is why I do not want her academic work to suffer. She doesnt get paid for all of the work that she has done in the shows and the school are not like Italia Conte and do not actively promote the kids for professional work whilst they are in full time education. A few of the kids do actually leave the school and go onto do other things outside of the profession.
Once again thankyou for your opinions and suggestions.

All the best - OOPS

se999

Is the scheme under the Dfes Music and ballet school scheme, admittedly unless you're on benefits or self employed it's financially crippling especially since they revised it a few years ago:

http://www.dfes.gov.uk/mds/

I think only you and your daughter can know how realistic it is to try, and how you can live in the future with the 'might have beens'.

It's worth seeing if the schools have extra scholarships or bursaries available. Also sometimes local charities can help. But if she's 13 you've probably already looked into some of these already.

We went for the 'financially crippling', but don't regret it one bit.

Edit: One reason we went for it was the boarding option means they save so much time, everything on one site meant they could keep their academic and music options open saving all the travelling time. Making it easier for them to cope.

spl2nh

Even though I don't have children I would like to say that on my course (MA in social work) there are people who have led an unbelievably privileged life and went to private schools costing over £15,000 per year, yet equally there are fellow collegues who have been homeless, drug users and about as underprivileged as you could igamine. My point being that we have (despite differing backgrounds) all ended up in the same position. Good old fashioned hard work and determination can sometimes compensate for expensive school fee's. If the dream isn't worth the hard work then it's most certainly not worth the school fee's.

Doozergirl

My husband was an actor and we have friends who are actors who have made it with no professional training at all. We also know people who did go to drama school and haven't made it. There is a great deal to be said for having a real edge and raw talent.

I could send my son to a really good public school for £10k a year which would really open up his options for the future. My husband especially would never justify £15k a year at stage school because he feels it limits a child's options and that the expectations and disappointments are just too great.

Lillibet_2

I went to drama school, Italia Conti at 16 then LAMDA at 18. For anyone in the know, these are HUGE names in dama & dance, and were prohibitively expensive (LAMDA 14 years ago cost £6K per year in fees alone), fortunatley I had a trust fund so my education was paid for from that so whilst cost wasn't an issue for me, I do have a bit of insiders info. However, you should note I am not, and never wanted to be, an actor, I got my desired degree in stage management & technical theater so my courses after Italia Conti, most especially at LAMDA, were different to the type of your daughters, but I worked closely with actors & dancers.

Firstly, in my experience, the teenagers who want to be dancers & work hard at it early on, usually stay wanting to be dancers, it's whether they are good enough that plays the biggest part (along with a good helping of luck later on). Do't expec ther to change her mind in a year or 2 & then want to become a doctor, it rarely ahppens if they are committed in the first place. Dancers just don't have that kind of mentality! Those that "change their minds" have usually resigned themselves to not being good enough or not having the opportunity, not actually changed their minds at all! IMHO, if your daughter is good enough then this really is the best opportunity you could ever ever give her short of giving her life in the first place!

If your daughter goes to full time stage school at 13 then she will still be required by law to study the minimum core subjects to age 16 or GCSE level (which ever she reaches first. I think the core subjects are English, Maths & Science but I could be wrong), depending on the school these subjects may be taught "in house" by qualified teachers or may be outsourced to a local school with students time divided between that & stage/dance classes. Whichever, it is bloody hard work & very very long days. Some will be shocked when I say it needs to be, this will weed out the acomplished & talanted from the less so & the determined & ambitious from the lazy. Without these qualities you don't stand a chance. It sounds like your daughter has these qualities. However, this also creates a differnet type of child, person & performer. Not necessarily for the worst, just be aware that being in a professional environment at a young age will change her for life. She will do most of her teenage growing up away from you.
Much more of her life will be out of your control than at present. She may spend much more time away from you (you probably don't think this is possible right now, but believe me it is), she may see doctors, esp. physios' etc, through the school.
She may want minor cosmetic surgery at a "young age" (e.g 16), although any school worth it's salt won't actually encourage this, minor cosmetic procedures such as teeth whitening are considered totally normal & run of the mill (and cost in the region of £600-800). Sadly it is a fact that in this sort of perfession, appearence matters. Alot.

Do you think she is the sort of person to be able to deal with all this?

I know I have probably painted a fairly awful picture of stage schools and all of you are recoiling in horror wondering why a parent would ever send a loved child there?! I can honestly say I had the time of my life & would do it all again if I could, and I know my parents support me in this. I got so much out of it. That said, I didn't go until I was 16 & had completed my GCSE's. I worked outside of school to obtain the lower lever LAMDA exams (these are the standard acting exams of all stage schools in the UK, not just the LAMDA school).

My honest opinion is that what I did worked, I got my GCSE's at a normal school & learnt how to work hard outside of school, then I went onto stage school to specalise. If she is talanted then more training opportunities will open up for her in the next couple of years, not less. Could you agree with her to both of you working towards a goal of her going at 16 : her in training & studying, you financially? taht said, if yout hink that as she approachs her GCSE's there could be a clash to the detriment of one then a stage school is the ideal way of resolving this.

I have occasionally heard of directors requesting untrained children for certain parts but this is highly unusual, firstly becuase of the equity rules makignit difficult to employ someone out of the industry (stage scool gets you a equity card!) & secondly, especially in the dance field it is highly unlikey that an untrained child would have the necessary skill or dedication. I would not credit the "untrained" theory I'm afraid.

Good luck whatever you decide;)


ps : In case you are wondering, I eventually became a legal exec. I wasn't good enough to cut it as a stage manager.

bunty109

ollarbabe wrote: »

Get a grip and wise up.

I think that's a bit harsh! OP just wants some advice!

We're currently browsing prospectuses for our eldest for private schools with a view to seeing if she could get a scholarship. The odd one we've had to just bin as the scholarships are not all that great, but others have 50% scholarships which would make them just about affordable for us.

I guess if I really wanted her to go to a school that dealt with a real specialism such as dance, then I would ask the school if they knew of any ways of obtaining extra funding. If there are any then I guess they would have heard of them!

Having looked at some prospectuses for mainstream private schools my only other thought is to make sure that the academic side of things is up to scratch for your daughter. She is obviously bright and that side of her education needs to be catered for too.

You mentioned the prospect of some college for your daughter along the line? Could she not get into the college without having gone to this school? It might be another option....

oops_a_daisy

thanks for your opinions and especially Lillibet for your input. My reasons for looking at a dance / theatre / drama course for my daughter are that she is working so hard and I think in the long run she would do better in her academic exams if she were to go to a school that specialises in both. Currently she goes to a secondry school and is a 'grade A' pupil - she is in the top 3 of the top set at maths and in all of the other top sets for other core subjects. I would like to ensure that she gets good grades in her GCSE's as well as follow her chosen career path in dancing or acting so that she would have something else to fall back on in later years ( and by later years I mean her late twenties! ). I know that she will not have a long shelf life as a dancer but may have a longer career as an actor - although this said I know a few actors and it is a very hard life ( they do not do it for the money ). The school that we are looking at splits the acadamic and vocational time 50/50 so although they have a longer school day she would still be better off than doing a full day at school and then spending most nights and all of her weekends doing her dancing etc plus her homework on top. There are 2 physios at the school and a GP visits 3 times a week, the children are weighed regularily and they come home every third weekend plus holidays. She is already doing lower grade LAMDA exams through her school and of course her various dancing exams through her current dancing school. So far I have visited the school twice and have spoken to some of the students as well as the staff and teachers - it is a lovely place, the children love it and the staff seem very happy too. We are due back in 2 weeks for the scholarship audition.
I have been told of a trust fund set up in our area that you can apply to so I will be looking into that this weekend.
Please do keep your replies and opinions coming - it is helping

oops_a_daisy

Hi Bunty - yes I think she could still get into a good college at 16 and there are more chances of scholarship available then too. If this does not work out then that is what she will have to do and I dont think it would hold back her career however something has got to give soon with the amount of work she is doing. This school offers 33% scholarship but I do not know if they offer any other type of funding on top so I will have to look into that too.
Thanks - OOPS

lady_fuschia

Two of my best friends work as performers (one an actor the other a dancer) - like most people in these professions, they have to work in other (related but non-performing) jobs for a large percentage of the time - actual major performing jobs come up maybe two or three times a year, although the dancer has just been signed up to tour with a company for a lengthy contract next year. This kind of pick'n'mix career is normal - so even a stint at stage school won't mean your daughter can spend the rest of her life dancing - which is after all, not the worlds most lucrative proffession financially (I realise dance is about mor ethan money, but when you are considering making such a huge outlay I think you have to consider the returns it will actually get)
The point was, neither of my friends went to a drama school- at state school they were involved in performing as an extra-curricular activity, then went on to study performing arts and dance at college post sixteen and on to do drama and dance degrees respectively at university. This is just as valid a route, and whilst you may miss out on the networking and connections provided by a specialist school, it's unlikely that in the long run it would be detrimental to her to follow the more conventional route. By staying at school and studying "properly" she's also going to have a more rounded education that will appeal more to the employers in the non-dance jobs she will inevitably have to apply for at some point.
I really don't think the minor advantage of a stage school is worth the huge amount of expense.

lebly

Have you not seen darcey bussel, wayne sleep etc etc you can have a long a career as you want. Plus with those sorts of qualifications she can allways go on to teach dancing and acting etc. Sit down with her and have a real heart to heart, see if you can talk to other ex pupils of these schools so can can let her know exactly what it is like and how hard she will have to work.

If she loves dancing etc that much she will want to do it, that love and wanting to do it very rarely fades!