Dilemma ! how much would you give up for your kids ?

oops_a_daisy

Hi there :hello: I normally hang out over on debt free wannabee but have recently paid off my debts so was itching to get my butt over to mortgage free wannabee, untill my not so little darling daughter has possibly thrown a spanner in the works :rolleyes:.
She has been a dancer and 'drama queen' since she was very young and now at the tender age of 13 she is finding it very difficult to keep up with her school work with all of the dancing and shows that she is in. All of her spare time including holidays is taken up with dancing and acting, and she has up till now managed to maintain a grade A performance at school too but at a cost!. She works so hard and has absolutely no time off, she sits up till midnight sometimes to complete homework and has never missed a deadline. All half terms, summer holidays and christmas holidays are taken up with shows. So I thought it would be a good idea to look into her going away to dance school. We went for her first audition this week and she has been offered a place in the school and has also been put forward for a scholarship audition in a couple of weeks time. HOWEVER the fees are still going to be about £15k :eek: per annum even if she manages to get a scholarship. She would need to attend the school for 3 years and then go onto college ( but the college bit I am even thinking about yet )
Ok then so I have some savings and I could also downsize my house to release some equity - I do not want to add to my mortgage as that would not be very MSE. If I also save every spare penny over the next 3 years I could do it BUT it is just such a lot of money to me ( and to most other people I should imagine).
Of course I want to give her everything but at the same time I just keep thinking that it is such a lot of money. Does anybody know if I would be better off tax wise if I was paying school fees ? can I get any financial help elsewhere other than the scholarship ? also as you may already know or may have worked out I am a lone parent so this is also a big commitment for me as well as the fact that I will miss her too.
Thanks for reading and any advice would be welcome.


All the best OOPS

tanith

Personally I couldn't of justified spending that amount of money however much my child wanted it (if it meant hardship for the rest of my family) I take it you will have multiple other expenses on top of the school fees? clothes makeup , travel etc etc etc...... but thats me... you seem to want to help your daughter do this and if you really think you can manage that level of expenditure then go ahead... not sure what help apart from the scholarship you could get though....

lab-lover

I tend to agree with tanith, sorry not much help.

Acc72

I agree with Tanith - do you have any other children ? would they feel left out or disadvantaged ?

I am sure this school is not the be all and end all of her acting career - if your daughter really wants it she will work for it herself (the old cliche of out of work actors waiting tables etc), rather than having it given to her.

Also, she is very young - after 3 years she may decide she wants to be a doctor and want you to fund 5 years of medical school !!

elona

I think I read somewhere that a lot of directors actively avoid children from stage schools as they want child actors to be "natural".

mattogier

If she's committed enough to be doing it as a profession in future then she'll make it which ever way - regardless of which school she goes to.

Mean time she (and you) are doing the right thing re her education - it only takes one fall to put her out of dancing for life so she MUST have a fall back position.

Try and encourage her to "get a life" out side dancing - 13 is only young and there is a risk that she will go off the rails later in her teens if she burns out.

Good luck.

kr15snw

When I was in first year at secondary school I had big problems (bullying / no friends) and had a terrible time. My parents looked at sending me to th local private school which had a glowin report. Even though I was offered a scholorship once you added the uniform and all extra costs it added up to over 5k a year. My parents simply couldnt afford it. And I understood this.

Unfortnately I had to suffer for a bit longer, but finally in year 10 i made friends and still get on with them now Changed alot of things for me.

But yeh my parents say now that if they gave everything up I could have gone there, but it would have meant no holidays, selling one of the cars, no treats, no takeaways ever and serious cutting down on the food bills (sounds like we are now! My mum used to work then, this was before her accident). But I managed And I got good grades and although still think how much I hated school, I made some good friends in the end.

Like others have said I wouldnt send her to the new school. Just support her all you can in the current one.

Oldernotwiser

Would she be likely to get any professional work at this stage by being at this type of school? If that were the case then that would contribute towards the fees. Are you talking about a stage school like Italia Conte or is it a ballet school?

conradmum

I think if she really wants to do this then she needn't go to dance school in order to succeed. There are schools she can go to once she finishes her A' levels (such as RADA) that you may be in a better position to afford then and she may be even be able to pay her own way a bit too. A friend's daughter has just completed a two month run in the local professional panto, unpaid it's true but she's only 8/9. She doesn't attend dance school.
Don't feel guilty thinking if you don't pay to send her there you're ruining her chances of fulfilling her dreams. There will be other chances for someone who is talented and dedicated as your daughter sounds.
Wasn't the boy who plays Harry Potter discovered just sitting in a seat at the pictures?

Oldernotwiser

Whatever you decide in the short term, you might find this information useful for when your daughter is 16.

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/EducationAndLearning/ChoicesAt14To19/MoneyToStayInEducation/DG_10023485

georgiasmum

I would do it. I would encourage my daughter to pursue her dreams...