New Single father seeks advice

Miss_H

Good luck with that Ritchie...you never know, there might even be some nice single mum's there for you!!

:dance:

I have the opposite problem to you, all of my friends are married and are having or already have kids. Their OH's don't like them coming out with me as they think their single friend will lead them astray! :rotfl:

Cat121

I've been a single mum to my son for almost 4 years now. Yes it can be really hard but really is worth the sacrifices you make.

My advice would be routine - it instills security and confidence. My son is almost 5 now and is at school. He goes to his dad every other weekend. I've worked my employment so that my main job I work Mon-Friday 32 hours (he goes to breakfast club 4 days a week and after school club one day a week and he would be there every day if I let him :rotfl: )I then do another job on the weekends he is with his dad.

I really worried about the out of school care but in the end I had nothing to be anxious about - he seems to be thriving on it, his confidence around other children is great and he can mix well with all ages.

It means I don't get a lot of time to myself, but tbh it's not forever. I do worry that I'll end up on my own, would love to meet someone else and agree that it would be preferable to meet another single parent (that he too would understand the constraints on time and priorities). At the end of the day - I have a funny, witty, intelligent and amazing little boy who is being shaped by the life and the people around him (and I'm proud to say that most of that has come from the hard work I have put in to make things as "normal" as possible for him).

Your ex and you probably need to have a good talk and make your son the priority - he didn't choose to come into this world and it's a parents responsibility to make it the best possible outcome for him. You sound like you care for him a great deal and are working hard to make things work in his best interest. I wish you good luck with everything that you are doing and hope very much that you and your ex can come to an amicable and friendly agreement for the sake of your son.

All the best x

seven-day-weekend

What a lovely positive thread. Does your heart good.

Well done, OP, I'm sure you and your son will be very happy and I know Ms Right is out there for you somewhere. Anyone who would be put off by you being a single parent is not Ms Right.

I wish you well for the future.

LameDuck

I am a single dad of 3. I was granted a residency order 3 years ago. Being a single dad is hard work, I work full time in a demanding job. But would I swap anything?? Absolutely not. Don't get me wrong we have had our ups and downs, the first 12 months were a nightmare trying to work out a routine but we got there. I have put my life on hold at the moment to concentrate solely on bringing the kids up I'm only 36 my yongest is 10 so I will have chance to enjoy life still when he gets older.

As for the kids they don't miss out on anything my 2 boys both play rugby, the youngest does tae kwan do. My daughter goes to a theatre group and is a count gymnast.

It is a very daunting prospect when you start but you work things out - you learn to be a mum too!! but over time it settles down and is very rewarding and I am very proud of what my kids have achieved - even from a single parent family.

Persevere with the tax credit and seriously look at childcare. Be patient with your son and get things sorted over access for his mum - my 2 oldest refuse to have anything to do with theirs because they feel betrayed by her leaving them.

Good luck!!

ritchie

I have posted my 2nd attempt at the child tax credits form. They refused my first application citing " i never provided the info they requested". They never asked me any info and they refused my application within a week of it being posted to them!?!
Anyway i will try attempt 2, but have no hope or dependency on the tax credit system. When we were a married family they messed us around and over paid us £3k - even though i told them all the info. But they still sent red letters in the post demanding it all back, which i had no choice to do so.

Thank YOU again to everyone for taking time to replying and read my OP and the thread. It is very rewarding to know that there are others in similar situation out there and have coped.

good luck to you all
thanks

lady_noluck

Just like to say well done to Ritchie too. :T :T :T My dd is 7 and lives with her dad after I (to put nicely) ballsed up big time when she was 2. She's lived with him ever since and I see her a couple of times a week. I'm very proud of him for how he's managing even though I help as much as he lets me and wish I could take part of the credit for how she's turning out but I really feel it's mostly down to him. I'm sure you're going to do a wonderful job raising your son. You'll find it extremely rewarding. As for dating, if a woman's not interested in you because of being a single dad then she's not worth knowing. Your a package now and any good woman would realise that without it being a problem.

ritchie

I just want to give an update on my situation. I have now been given legal residency in full to look after my son as main carer. The mother has been given a contact order.

Weird as before she did not want him but now calls a lot to speak to him and wants him as much as possible during school holidays. Got to confess my biggest fear past few days is that she puts up a struggle to give him back to me at the end of the Easter hols. I am really hoping she uses what common sense and brain cell she has to realise he needs stability in his life.

Thanks to you all

hobo28

Congratulations mate.

You've got residency and thats the main thing. And the fact she only has a contact order really strengthens your hand. The longer this current routine lasts for, the longer the status quo and that is vital.

I totally understand how you feel as I to this day still have that fear with my ex. Like your ex, mine has been a lot better with the children since I got the order and its meant the kid's lives are now pretty stable. She recently moved in with her BF too which i was pleased with since I thought "finally some stability" but nope, after six weeks she's back out again! So I'm so glad I'm the main carer and that they have a stable family routine and life.

Hopefully it won't come to it but if she does break the order the court will be on your side since you now have the residence order. For men thats usually the hardest part.

I wish you and your son all the best.

kelloggs36

Good luck. If she breaches the order, you can go back and get it sorted - you have been granted residency, so they won't just withdraw it from you just like that.

If you want any help/advice regarding maintenance, please PM me and I will help as much as I can - I am a CSA staff member on career break at present, but i am happy to give advice as much as I can.

babyblooz

Hi. It is hard bringing up a child, never mind doing it alone. I would first start with supporting your child the best you can. Love him and be there for him. Secondly you need to sort that WFTC out as this is the back bone to all financial help........It is a pain but you need this. I'm afraid til your son is settled you won't have a social life....Once he is settled and has a routine and knows who is collecting from school and who is taking him, and what fun he can have with his daddy then he`ll soon settle down. Your son will be more emotionally hurt than you realise and being there for him is the most important thing right now as he WILL remember all of this and when he gets older will know that you were there for him when his mother wasn't. I guarantee this, as my parter has first hand experience.When things have settled down, once a month arrange for a sitter and have a night out with the boys and enjoy your self, but remember that a child can be very rewarding and lots of fun.....................
Please post again if you want any further advice, and as for the single dad and dating thing, I would think a single dad who was loyal to his son and had a good heart would be PERFECT Boyfriend material