New Single father seeks advice

howdumbarewe!

:rotfl: I would just like to tell you that single dads do a great job. My dad brought up me and my brother when my mum left us (we were 7 & 9). My dad worked full time and my nan had to fetch us from school and look after us for a few hours. He worked really hard and did his best for us and I love him so much more for that. Yeah I love my mum but only because she is my mum. I love my dad so much more as he never took the easy way out. I would do anything for my dad and my mum always has to take the backseat when it comes to my love.

I think your son is at the age when he can go to breakfast and afterschool clubs and it would probaly help him to make new friends at his new school.

Personally I wasn't put off by a single dad. I married one, turns out he was a complete and utter git who didn't actually do much towards looking after his son just fobbed him off on others and used him for poor me I'm a single father to get some dumb blonde (me) to marry him, divorced him, but him being a single dad did not put me off at all!!!:rotfl:

My present husband was not put off by me having a 3yr old daughter.

I understand what you mean about your future. Even though you're not that interested in a relationship at the moment it is nice to think that one would be possible in the future when you are ready. It's totally understandable that you don't want to be by yourself forever and knowing that there is hope of that at a later date will help you get through all of the hard times now.

Being a single parent is hard but it's worth it. You will one day get to do all those things that you want to do but for now they'll have to wait. Being a single parent does not mean that you have to miss out on the life which you wanted it just means that you have to change the plan a little. Life gets better and easier as it goes on as I now have a wonderful life with my husband and & daughter + 2 little boys. I hope you can find the same thing (happiness and a wonderfull life not a husband:rotfl: )

But in all seriousness congratulations for being a good dad and living up to your responsibilities. I am a better and stronger person for my dad having brought me up.:beer:

Lisa

howdumbarewe!

howdumbarewe! wrote: »

:rotfl: I would just like to tell you that single dads do a great job.

Sorry bout that not quite sure how the little laughing smilie got at the beginning of my post. Just wanted to make sure that you didn't think I was taking the mick by posting the smilie there. Bit crafty those smilie things!

Lisa

Claudie

ritchie I also wanted to add (and it just popped into my mind) that from a practical point of view I really don't think you can praise your son, or tell him you love him, too much either.

I really think one of the best gifts we can give our children is a sense of self worth. And I am sure you are probably doing it already but repeated praise can really help a child's confidence.

How we say something really imprints a child's mind and stays forever. For example when he asks why he lives with his Dad not his Mum "because Daddy got really lucky" that type of thing. Just keep turning everything in to you and your relationship and keep positive.

And learn that when you may have once said "My child will never...." now becomes "oh well maybe just this once" And when you said you would never bribe your child - well it can be called negotiation now and you can get away with it

ritchie

howdumbarewe! wrote: »

Sorry bout that not quite sure how the little laughing smilie got at the beginning of my post. Just wanted to make sure that you didn't think I was taking the mick by posting the smilie there. Bit crafty those smilie things!

Lisa

Thanks Lisa,

I kinda like all these smiley things around that move, brightens up the day!
BTW i love your nickname!
thanks

Miss_H

I'm with crispeater.

As a single mum to an 8 year old boy, I would be more inclined to go out with a single Dad as they are more likely to understand and appreciate the difficulties that being a single parent throws at you.

My son goes to Breakfast and afterschool club at his school and he loves it. He enjoys mixing with the kids from his school socially and gets alot out of it. Maybe if your son went to afterschool club, you could swap the school pick ups with your relatives for babysitting on date nights?

I think your son would benefit from being settled into a routine if he's been moved about abit recently. Kids adjust and cope brilliantly...IMHO.

Good Luck!!

MXW

ritchie wrote: »

Wow thanks again for the replies.

I do need to get son and myself in a stable routine, as the mother does think and expect she can get son whenever she wants. I am taking professional advice on this as I do realise that mothers do get many more rights than fathers – I know this as previously I had to legal apply for contact just to see my son, as my ex refused.

Thanks again for all the advice

I am a single mum of boys and my ex has nothing to do with them, so my life basically revolves around work, school, taking them to beavers, cubs, football, cubs etc etc etc.........have no money..............can't afford babysitters so rarely go out (although I have lots of friends to go out on the town with)............................BUT WOULD NOT CHANGE IT FOR THE WORLD!!! ps If I meet a guy that has little or no contact with his kids........thats me through the door.........I would find it more appealing to date a guy that puts his kids first (that's how it should be)

Moonbeam

I'm not a single mum, but reading this post has really been amazing. My husband worked away for 8 months and during this time I was on my own with my DS. I know that I suddenly felt an enormous sense of pressure on me as I was the main caregiver - my son suffered a horrible croup attack at the time and driving him 16 miles to the nearest hospital whilst he was struggling to breathe was one of the hardest moments for me.

I think that parenthood changes you full stop, even if you are in a partnership or marriage. Going out isn't so easy, everything you do for yourself tends to bring with it some element of guilt - wow isn't parenthood great.

Try some of the local clubs, and you'll be amazed how responsive people can be. We attend a Saturday morning art group at our local theatre where kids are supervised so I can sit outside in the cafe and catch up with the other mums/dads. - I have some great friends who are single mums & single dads and often we find that a night round at each others houses can be just as much fun as going out - the kids entertain each other and we get some adult company rather than talking purely about "bob the builder" or "Lunar Jim".

I think that playing footie with your son every night is great - and you can involve him loads in your fitness routine with bikes and other ball games - my son loves his cycle rides with daddy!

I would also say put your career on a back burner for a while - I had to give up a very lucrative career when I had my son and was just getting going with a new careeer when I found out I was pregnant with 2nd child (37 weeks pregnant now). I've just had to accept that the company I work for (and ones like it) will still be around in five years time once family life is settled with kids at school - in the meantime I will still work, but not forge the career I'd like to just yet....I can start building a career at any time, but kids only stay young for a while. Enjoy it while you can

pickle

I find it hard to manage with a partner so I really respect anyone who is a single parent. I guess it must be hard to forgive the mother but maybe for your sons sake (once some legal custody can be sorted out) the mum could pick him up after school and you then pick him up to take him home from there. That way he has both his parents. I don't know if this is practical or not in terms of the relationship or location, but maybe another solution to consider? Also you might try ringing the council to see what after/before school groups there are?

ritchie

pickle wrote: »

the mum could pick him up after school and you then pick him up to take him home from there. That way he has both his parents. I don't know if this is practical or not in terms of the relationship or location, but maybe another solution to consider?

Unfortunately both of the parents are split by a distance of over 150 miles, si it aint be easy and going to be easy for him.

I am going to consider a child minder or school club for the near future.

thanks again for all the messages of support.

ritchie

Miss_H wrote: »

I'm with crispeater

As a single mum to an 8 year old boy, I would be more inclined to go out with a single Dad as they are more likely to understand and appreciate the difficulties that being a single parent throws at you.

Hey Miss H
Hope i can meet more like you!!
I am going to my son's school disco next week so hope to meet some parents there too, as friends i know locally are not married and have no kids.

Thanks