How do you explain that you can't afford to go out

Dertyberd

billinghamfan wrote: »

Hi

Very quick question, how on earth do I explain to my boyfriend of only a few months that I can't afford to do everything he can.

Bare in mind he has never ever been in debt seems to save money with ease.



[threadbanner]box[/threadbanner]

Am in the same position, early relationship, I have mortgage, bills and debts and he has cleared all his and has more free money than me per month. I just tell him straight - no, I cannot afford that at the moment. If he's a good enough fella, he will understand and not make life difficult for you. And if he makes like difficult for you, he's not a good enough fella for you! Don't be embarrassed about it, so many people are cutting back these days and clearing debts instead of growing them, its the sensible option. Find some free stuff to do instead. Good luck

HeadAboveWater

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Friends are a different matter. I have a friend who is loaded and she really cannot grasp how you couldnt afford to spend £20 on a lunch out. To her £20 is absolutely nothing. When she says she is skint she means she is down to the last £1000 in her current account. It shouldnt matter but it does put a strain on our friendship sometimes.

Seriously?! :eek: I cringe at paying £2.50 odds for a pack of sandwiches if we've run outta bread in the house! lol

billinghamfan wrote: »

I going to aim to be debt free in the next 12 months!

You go girl!!

billinghamfan

Well I've finally set up a spreadsheet and have a spending diary for when I'm out and about and I will do it!! I'm probably going to need a new car next year so I need to clear my debts so I can start saving!

Plus I want to spend my bonus next year on a holiday not on paying debts!

HeadAboveWater

billinghamfan wrote: »

Well I've finally set up a spreadsheet and have a spending diary for when I'm out and about and I will do it!!

Very good Helps a lot when you can see where your money is going.

My tip would be to work with cash instead of debit card. Much easier to control your spending.

faceuptoit

I'm sure you've thought of this and I don't want to be patronising, but I'd also try to save a buffer for when you move to London.
You may have lived in London before - in which case you'll understand - but if you haven't you'll be shocked. I thought where I was from was around the same price range for most things as London. I also used to stay in London a couple of nights a week.
It's so much more expensive than you can possibly imagine before you move here. Everything - from rent, to food, to going out, to travel...the lifestyle is ridiculous...I have friends with household incomes in excess of £80,000 who struggle, living in a rented one bedroom flat.

Ilona

I just say........I can't afford to go out. No other explanation needed, I simply can't afford it.
Ilona

billinghamfan

faceuptoit wrote: »

I'm sure you've thought of this and I don't want to be patronising, but I'd also try to save a buffer for when you move to London.
You may have lived in London before - in which case you'll understand - but if you haven't you'll be shocked. I thought where I was from was around the same price range for most things as London. I also used to stay in London a couple of nights a week.
It's so much more expensive than you can possibly imagine before you move here. Everything - from rent, to food, to going out, to travel...the lifestyle is ridiculous...I have friends with household incomes in excess of £80,000 who struggle, living in a rented one bedroom flat.

Seriously I know how expensive it is, as for travel it is way cheaper than Guildford a bus in london £1.20 a bus in Guildford £3.

I shop in sainsbury's online the prices are the same and if I do go out I rarely go to expensive restuarants as frankly I refuse to pay over the odds for something I can cook better at home.

Rent suprisingly isn't going to be more than £200 a month more than in Guildford and I have budgetted for an increase of £400.

So I will be fine once I move.

denmandaisy

Hi again..

That's good he's saving too but I'd still try wangle the conversation in whilst your in the same place - CIMA will pay off, just stick the course.

Dont forget bills and co. I'm from/live in London - you should be able to find a room for £450- 500/ month then bills on top (think 150/200 all incl council tax, gas, elec, phone) Or less if you live further out.

North and West to SW london is going to be way more expensive than East or SE - although nice places there too (think Crystal Palace, East Dulwich, Camberwell, top of Forest Hill, Herne Hill/Brixton or Bow/Dalston in the East which have improved in recent years)

Good luck!

billinghamfan

I'm moving to Ealing it's around £450 - £600 plus bills or around £750 all in which isn't much more expensive than the £600 I was paying in Guildford plus I had a travel bill of £225 which will be cut to around £92 a month so I'm actually going to be (at the most) £100 worse off and this job has meant an increase of £450 a month plus a £3k bonus every year so once my debts are paid I'll be in a very good position.

My payrises are also linked to the exams I pass so lots of incentive there!

faceuptoit

billinghamfan wrote: »

Seriously I know how expensive it is, as for travel it is way cheaper than Guildford a bus in london £1.20 a bus in Guildford £3.

I shop in sainsbury's online the prices are the same and if I do go out I rarely go to expensive restuarants as frankly I refuse to pay over the odds for something I can cook better at home.

Rent suprisingly isn't going to be more than £200 a month more than in Guildford and I have budgetted for an increase of £400.

So I will be fine once I move.

These are all the things that I thought - but it still ended up being way more expensive, including things like travel because you just end up travelling so much more. Another case in point is online shopping - there are basically no offers available to me due to the area I live in. I once did a shop based on where I used to live with my parents accidentally, and once I changed the postcode to my own, most of the offers in my trolley became unavailable and the shop instantly became around £20 more expensive because of that.
The last thing is alcohol - it's eyewatering. I'm only trying to be helpful and, like I said, I'm sure you know all of this, but I thought I should give you the advice I wish someone had given me before I moved here, because a buffer would have been really helpful in the first few months (and even now...).