How do you explain that you can't afford to go out

Hiddenidenity

Be honest.

Me and DP are totally different, he has a really good wage, no debt etc I was unemployed, sick, with 2 kids under 3 and just short of 20k debt. I told him the truth and we sorted it out.

As for the house mate just ask him if hes ok with you coming etc and to tell you if your overstaying your welcome

Good luck

badger_

As others have said be honest Good luck with your CIMA btw my OH finally got his letters after his name recently

Have you got any board games or anything kicking around, a nice cheap form of entertainment.

billinghamfan

Well one bit good news we are staying in tomorrow watching movies which is handy.

msph321

So all or most of you have recommended honesty. What about explaining the same to friends or acquaintances - would you also recommend honesty in those cases? No partner here; my challenge is the same... just substitute friends or acquaintances instead of partner. Money is gonna be real tight for the next 3 or so months. :mad:

HeadAboveWater

Regardless. Friends or partner: what's the point in lying??
My friend wants to go to NY next year for her 30th birthday. Simple as - I can't afford to go. Won't be making up excuses for not going. Will be telling her the truth.

msph321

You're right. Some people are just nosy and try to find out more. I don't like having to explain myself but sometimes I feel like I have to. It's just a matter of saying "No, I can't" and leaving it at that.

kathy_virginvie wrote: »

Regardless. Friends or partner: what's the point in lying??
My friend wants to go to NY next year for her 30th birthday. Simple as - I can't afford to go. Won't be making up excuses for not going. Will be telling her the truth.

HeadAboveWater

msph321 wrote: »

You're right. Some people are just nosy and try to find out more. I don't like having to explain myself but sometimes I feel like I have to. It's just a matter of saying "No, I can't" and leaving it at that.

I get what you're saying. That's true. But I also think that friends and acquaintances should respect your decision, and your privacy. It would depend on who it is and the circumstances as to how much I would tell someone.

denmandaisy

I think you need to talk about this with him and come up with a way for you to enjoy each others time, but with something that fits both your needs - then PLAN (no getting away from that on a budget I'm afraid).

For instance, you could decide you take turns saying where you go, but when each of you organise, you pay, so he can set the budget, or you can. That way you'd have the flexibility to plan, and take advantage of any cheap offers you see, (living social etc - he doesn't need to know where it comes from or how much you pay - they have great hotel deals too which might help the parental situation - choose somewhere convenient tho re travel and meet there). Then you could decide that the 3rd time you split it, and what the budget for that outing is. Oh, and buy a cheap DVD player for him from Ebay (less than £5) - you might even find a bike that will help with the travel (yes, for less than a £5)

I'd suggest you share with him what you can afford (him likewise) and that way it means he's not unintentionally putting you under pressure to spend more in certain areas. It might take a couple of times of explaining, but having financial conversations between you if this is likely to be a long term relationship is something you're going to have to get practiced at, and it seems a bit odd when you first start having them.

But really, he does need to understand the position you are in and compromise on what you are doing so it suits you both. I say this from a position of earning extremely nicely in a high stress job a while ago whilst my (couple of years younger) boyfriend finished his masters then had to start paying off his debt from college whilst having a crapily paid first job that would barely cover his rent. It needs to be a joint role for you each to understand each others financial perspective - sometimes I'd pay for us, sometimes we'd split it, sometimes he'd pay (or simply cook me a meal instead of going to a restaurant) or we'd stay in and just read listen to the radio and chat, as from my perpsective, he could't afford it, didn't want to go out and I had to respect that.

And for ref, (8 yrs or more later) whilst we have more or less equal earnings, he has much more disposable income than me and roles are reversed.

YORKSHIRELASS

Although its early days you never know this may end up being a long term relationship and it would be so much better if you were honest about this from the start.

Friends are a different matter. I have a friend who is loaded and she really cannot grasp how you couldnt afford to spend £20 on a lunch out. To her £20 is absolutely nothing. When she says she is skint she means she is down to the last £1000 in her current account. It shouldnt matter but it does put a strain on our friendship sometimes.

billinghamfan

Well I haven't sat him down and told him however he is now saving to go on holiday in November and it's going to cost a bit for this holiday so we have agreed to have a quiet few months which is handy, and then I start CIMA so I have to study and hopefully with the extra wages I can knock a large amount of the debt. I going to aim to be debt free in the next 12 months!