Should I put up with this?

marisco_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She's emotionally blackmailing you and she's a self-centred bully. Please see a solicitor. If she's not currently earning her own living she might be hard-pressed to be able to provide the children with an equivalent home if you're out of the picture. You could consider getting shot of her poison and giving the children a decent home-life alone. That's precisely what I'd consider doing if she refuses to discuss anything with you.

Do the children have their own passports and where are they now?

I agree with some of the points you raised about the OPs wife. The way he is being treated is completely unacceptable. However I always feel extremely uneasy on threads of this nature when anyone starts suggesting one parent should be put out the picture. That would be extremely damaging to such young children. They are entitled to enjoy happy and loving relationships with both parents and to not be treated like pawns in a game.

The OP should be encouraged to try and work this out in a responsible manner. I realise he feels like he is hitting his head against a brick wall in trying to do this directly with his wife. Following what you advise above is very unwise though and would carry huge risks. He needs to seek legal advice and do this properly. Above all for the sake of his children and his relationship with them, now and in the future.

pink_princess

I didn't want to read and run.

Have you asked your wife how you make her miserable when she says it?

What does she think you are horrible about?

This is your wife, you really need to open the communication channels in some way. Marriages need work on a daily basis and it sounds like you are long over due an honest conversation. If you feel you can't start the conversation in person can you try a letter initially? It is time to face this or your marriage will go down the pan and you will be a part time Dad.
Good luck OP x

Janey3

Well, it might be a start if you went on at least one of the holidays. You don't have to be alone at Christmas, go with them. Why can't you bring yourself to go, other than the fact you don't get on with the in-laws?

floss2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She's emotionally blackmailing you and she's a self-centred bully. Please see a solicitor. If she's not currently earning her own living she might be hard-pressed to be able to provide the children with an equivalent home if you're out of the picture. You could consider getting shot of her poison and giving the children a decent home-life alone. That's precisely what I'd consider doing if she refuses to discuss anything with you...

marisco wrote: »

I agree with some of the points you raised about the OPs wife. The way he is being treated is completely unacceptable. However I always feel extremely uneasy on threads of this nature when anyone starts suggesting one parent should be put out the picture. That would be extremely damaging to such young children. They are entitled to enjoy happy and loving relationships with both parents and to not be treated like pawns in a game.

The OP should be encouraged to try and work this out in a responsible manner. I realise he feels like he is hitting his head against a brick wall in trying to do this directly with his wife. Following what you advise above is very unwise though and would carry huge risks. He needs to seek legal advice and do this properly. Above all for the sake of his children and his relationship with them, now and in the future.

I think B&T's advice is sound - it appears on the face of it that the OP has tried, does not wish to enter into a power game with his wife and TBH (from experience) if one party does not want to "work this out in a responsible manner" then there is nothing that the other can do. For example, you can go to mediation, but if the other does not turn up, what happens then?!

the_cat

I would caution against drastic action and try to make it work between you. If you split, what is to stop her moving herself and your children back to the States, where you would practically never see them?

By the sounds of it, she has no particular ties here (ie no job/career) and a rich family to help her out if she splits from you

That's not to say I think you should put up with her current behaviour - just that counselling/working through your issues should be a first step.........

Compromise should be from both sides though, your pride should come a very poor second to your marriage! Go with your family at Christmas and any other time and stop making it difficult for your wife to visit her family. 3 times a year is hardly excessive (if they moved away, how often would you think excessive to see your own children?) if money is not an issue! It is pretty unreasonable to expect her not to ever see her family just because of your pride. She is living half way round the world to be with you fgs! Cut the woman some slack on this point and you might find her more prepared to be reasonable on other matters

sassyblue

Get rid of the horrible b!tch is my advice. Go and see a solicitor quickly you deserve better, no-one deserves a partner like that. x

heartbreak_star

Didn't want to read and run- B&T and marisco's advice is sound though.

Good luck. Lots of hugs!

HBS x

Mojisola

the_cat wrote: »

I would caution against drastic action and try to make it work between you. If you split, what is to stop her moving herself and your children back to the States, where you would practically never see them?s

She could move to another part of this country but couldn't take them to live abroad without the father's permission.

the_cat

Mojisola wrote: »

She could move to another part of this country but couldn't take them to live abroad without the father's permission.

Really????

Well in that case, I would leave!!!

edgex

Janey3 wrote: »

Well, it might be a start if you went on at least one of the holidays. You don't have to be alone at Christmas, go with them. Why can't you bring yourself to go, other than the fact you don't get on with the in-laws?

im not singling out this poster, but a few people have said pretty much the same, ie. just go on the holiday

these people are obviously not living in the real world

no consideration of whether the OP would be able to book the time off work,
whether they were already planning something else,
if they think that constantly flitting off on expensive (paid for by someone else) holidays is right for their children,
what about a proper family holiday, so that the family gets time to spend together, without all the extended family